Birthday reflections @ 34

Sophie Heiken
Jul 28, 2017 · 3 min read

Birthday questions time! We Pacifica Heikens have a little tradition to ask questions at birthdays.

I credit Nancy Litvak, my “auntie” and expert life observer, with starting this tradition. Not sure if this is accurate, but I’ll give her credit. Here are my responses as I reflect on my 34th year of life.

What were some of your happiest moments this last year? Hard to recall specific moments. It’s more a collage of the kids laughing and cute and cuddling and playing, with me and my husband either right in the middle (squish!! climb!!) or looking on smiling at each other. I’m grateful we have had so much time together as a family, including now with the rascal dog, and time with friends and extended family.

How entertaining are these little people?! Watching them grow and seeing their unique characters come out is a real gift. I have specific happy memories of kneeling at the window in our kitchen and watching the ocean with little man (<2) and big girl (<5) right next to me. Little guy pointing to things and talking and saying “Yeah!” to get in on the conversation. Big girl telling us all about how she can see Hawaii or China. And the sunsets and whales. And the two of them singing and dancing to songs only they know. And racing down the hallway yelling and laughing.

What are you most proud of from the last year? Besides the obvious that I am proud of my amazing children, I am personally most proud of making my mental health a priority last year. I had some definite downs and did not know how to move out of the ugly mud. It was really, very, quite not fun. I made a plan, acted on it, and can say with confidence that I am not covered in mud anymore. Definite moments where I feel back in that space but it seems manageable. I’m proud that I took action and that I have been open about some of my struggles to help chip away at the stigma of therapy.

I’m also proud that I have made a conscious effort to be present while spending time with my kids, my husband, and my friends. It is so so easy to look at my phone constantly or try to do chores, but any of that takes me mentally away from what these lovely people are doing or saying or asking of me. Proud that I am asking for what I need and want (at home and work) and a key part of that is first clarifying what it is that I want.

What do you wish you had done differently? I wish I had done more yoga! And gone to a dance class! I wish I had watched less TV and read more books.

What surprised you last year? I did not expect to be hit with such sad and angry feelings when I had so much going for me — married, two healthy kids, new house, job I enjoy. I recognized that adding a second child to the mix would increase stress, and I recognized that I have a tendency to quickly become overwhelmed by physical messiness and a multiplication of small tasks. However, I thought I had enough coping strategies to be okay. Clearly that wasn’t true and more tools were necessary.

Externally, I was surprised, actually shocked, at Trump’s victory. Others have written enough on that but worth mentioning here as it reminded me that my social network is definitely not representative of the rest of the country.

What are you most excited about for this next year of life? I have a cool new role at work (manager!) and am excited and nervous to perform well — for myself and my team. I’m lucky to really enjoy my work and am excited to have the chance to be challenged by the content and the people management.

In the short term, I’m excited to go to Lake Tahoe for a week and play play play with husband, kids, friends, and my wonderful brother. Last time I was in Tahoe was the winter of a peak drought year. Excited to see the change! And generally excited to spend more time outside as my younger one grows and we keep making the most of the weekends.

Wishing you each some time to reflect on your days and weeks and years!

Sophie Heiken

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