THE MONASTIC ACADEMY — AN OPEN LETTER

Edited to include more detail on 12/18/2021, 12/22/2021, and 12/28/2021 based on feedback. Edited 10/18/2022 for brevity. Please note the format (a personal letter) and audience (to a specific community). This piece contains details of sexual assault and other triggering content.

Disclaimer (12/22/2021): The following statements are my own views and perspective. It is my recommendation that all reports of abuse be investigated by an unaffiliated and reputable 3rd party investigator, and that the organization be assessed and evaluated by an unaffiliated and experienced 3rd party nonprofit consultant who can more thoroughly analyze the Monastic Academy’s board governance, program design/risks/outcomes, organizational policies, accountability structures (or lack of), fundraising practices and finances, and organizational culture. It is my recommendation that these results and recommendations be made public along with the steps the organization is taking to address and integrate feedback.

Update: To date 11/03/2022, three years after these event the Monastic Academy has still taken no steps towards hearing their impact from me directly despite requests, engaging in restorative action, accountability, or attempting to repair of the harm caused by it’s leadership in Nov/Dec of 2020.

Dear Monastic Academy and adjacent community,

To those who do not know me; my name is Shekinah. I have spent the past decade in nonprofits across the country through direct service to diverse communities and in social services, education, grant writing and fundraising, and organizational development. I am also a former apprentice who trained at OAK, the Monastic Academy’s branch in Berkeley, CA in November of 2020.

The purpose of this letter is to share my concerns about the ongoing patterns of sexual, spiritual, psychological, and emotional abuse; organizational negligence; and unethical conduct within the broader organization (CEDAR, OAK, MAPLE, WILLOW.) It is my belief that that this organization has failed to take appropriate action in response to numerous past complaints, is engaging in cult-like behaviors, is unconsciously perpetuates systemic patterns of harm, and that it’s leadership and training poses significant psychological, emotional, and spiritual risks to current and future members (especially to those who do not hold identities of power and privilege in our society.) In addition to my own experience of sexual assault, I have heard many similar and concerning stories from past community members since leaving OAK. Based on what has been shared with me I believe my experience is only one example of broader organizational patterns of abuse and negligence

Because speaking out in situations like mine is often perceived as an attack instead of the gift that it is, I expect that some will try to undermine and discredit me. A group of people who once called me “Friend” may dismiss or deny my reflections. These “Friends” and the one I once called my Beloved, may feel personally betrayed by my decision to speak out about the harm that has been done.

When I first came into contact with one the MA’s primary recruiters I was an inexperienced meditation practitioner excited to cultivate and deepen a consistent meditation practice. I feel strongly that the recruitment strategies (including love bombing, targeting vulnerable persons, false information, omission of relevant risks) used to bring me in were misleading and problematic. For example, I feel that many of the organizational ideologies and goals were not shared with me prior to being immersed in an intensive environment designed to break down my sense of self and boundaries. I was also led to believe that this organization was highly skilled and equipped to offer this level of intense practice. They are not. I was also not informed of the risks associated with intensive practice or this program prior to attending including: the high risks of intensive meditation and impacts of pre-existing trauma on practice; the lack of training and experience that organizational leaders and teachers have; the frequent incidents of psychological breakdowns in MA’s training and cPTSD amongst former members, and the Monastic Academy’s history of misconduct towards women and the exclusion of others who have complained from participation when they attempted to address issues of sexual misconduct or other concerns about the organizations operations. Without this information I could not make an informed choice about my own health and safety — or the kinds of ideologies, practices, and goals I wish to support.

Apprentices and residents are asked to sign away all liability for training risks without being fully informed of risks or expectations of them. This practice creates greater liabilities for both students and for the organization. Overall, I have witnessed that this organization does not practice transparency both with those it is recruiting and with it’s donors. As someone with a background in fundraising and nonprofit administration I suspect that the Monastic Academy is in violation of Vermont State laws, fiduciary duties, and 501c3 compliance regarding it’s fundraising practices.

I expected that this organization whose mission it is “to create wise and compassionate leaders” would not make false claims; would inform me and others of any known risks; would engage in standard practices that ensure effective organizational management; would treat myself and others with kindness and respect; and would demonstrate the values of compassion, wisdom, and integrity that they promote. Some of the claims made on the Monastic Academy’s website are:

“ Our apprenticeship program is designed to take you through an intense meditation training that gives you a rare set of skills and experiences for life. We welcome true difference of culture and opinion, and invite participation regardless of gender, sexual orientation, race, disability, economic background, and cultural upbringing.”

“Monastic Academy is an unusual and groundbreaking organization that brings the power of education and non-profit skills together with the wisdom and compassion of a monastery.”

“The training calls forth your highest potential for transformative leadership in the world. The core teaching of the Monastic Academy is the integration of Awakening and Responsibility.”

Instead of finding a community highly skilled in nonprofit work and in teaching meditation I found the most disorganized, high risk, and unethical organization I’ve ever directly participated in. The Monastic Academy is led by inexperienced practitioners and teachers who believe what they are doing is “in service to life” while aggressively breaching the standards and norms of any other nonprofit, Buddhist lineage, or practicing community thereby risking the health and wellbeing of its participants.

My critique is not that intensive training has risks; but that the overall lack of experience substantially compounds the risks of intensive training and causing significant harm to precious beings. This results in an approach to practice that lacks titration, proper guidance and attunement to the needs of individual students, poor organizational decision-making, and in some cases can be highly destabilizing to one’s nervous system, psychological wellbeing, and one’s sense of self. These risks are further compounded by the organization’s expansionist goals, a lack of separation between the roles of “staff” and students, and an environment in which common ethical standards and personal boundaries are frequently breeched. It is my personal opinion that this level of risk and the continuation of these practices despite frequent and ongoing reports of harm and abuse ; including long-term negative psychological impacts to students and former students is organizational negligence.

The teacher I studied under had only been training for 3 years before starting OAK (then a 1 1/2 years old). By contrast I have since learned that many Buddhist lineages require anywhere between 10–20 years of practice, training, and ethical study to run their own monastic center. While some meditation programs may require less training for teachers; it should be noted that I am making a comparison between the MA and Buddhist organizations that practice at a similar level of intensity. I am also aware of multiple people whom have made significant financial donations towards the organization either shortly before, concurrent with, or shortly after being given a position of responsibility and power (such as Executive Director, Teacher, ect). I am concerned that there is an ongoing pattern of not only pre-maturely elevating leaders; but of making these decisions based on financial incentives. These concerns along with others should be investigated by an unaffiliated 3rd party. It is my understanding based on conversations with other Buddhist teachers that Soryu Forall also may lack the appropriate level of training and transmission for the style of practice and intensity that he is engaging in which strongly resembles Zen practice.

Prior to my arrival and during my arrival this organization failed to provide the an up to date set of agreements, to review agreements when I arrived as was discussed by email, and to uphold the agreements and boundaries of the space. For the duration of my stay at OAK, I never broke any agreement that I made. Proper orientation to these agreements, to the space, and to the roles of other people in the space would have been helpful.

While on this retreat in November 2020 OAK’s teacher seemed to display signs of severe psychological distress, paranoia, and mania after returning from a period of 2–3 months on solo retreat. The stories he told about the training he received from Soryu Forall were disturbing and included clear idolization of the teacher, long periods of social isolation, severe sleep deprivation, and periods of time without eating followed by receiving instruction from his teacher. One story that stands out — where in a state of severe exhaustion after many days of deprivation he decided to prop his eyes open with sticks so he could keep meditating. He laughed manically about this. His speech and teaching was scattered, erratic, and hard to follow at times. During the retreat the teacher threw himself off the sitting platform in full lotus while yelling exhortations. Yet another time a practitioner jerking backward appeared to be blacked out while this teacher yelled at him to “Stay with it.” The rest of us kept meditating while this man lay on the ground. It was bewildering along with this constant pressure to surrender one’s life to the training. I remember feeling pressured to give up what was important to me in order to be of service to the organization. This felt really inappropriate.

On the last day of this retreat, the teacher decided to send us out into the nearby park, Tilden Park to practice for the enitre night and part of the next day. We were not to return to monastery for 16 hours with the instructions that we were to “Follow the breath until we Awaken”. We were also instructed to take a Clifbar and a water bottle, and not to eat this Clifbar unless we could go 30 mins without a single thought. Keep in mind this was my first ever week-long silent meditation retreat and there were other inexperienced practitioners on this retreat. There was no supervision, no consideration or talk about safety, and no instruction for what to do in the event that one needed assistance.

While in the forest I began to experience overwhelming terror during which I was caught in the reliving of a very traumatic event in a series of PTSD flashbacks. In a severe state of distress, I returned to the monastery seeking the teacher for support. Instead of finding theteacher I found the man who had been assigned to do care walks with me and he came to the park with me to hold space for me as I processed this traumatic memory. He held me, comforted me, and listened to me. Whether due to our altered states of mind, lack of appropriate boundaries, or simply because our paths collided in this moment of chaos and beauty; we did form an emotional and romantic connection. Unbeknownst to me was this man’s role as the Executive Director; he however was not unaware of his roles or expectations of conduct which he failed to inform me of at that time.

A couple days later when he bought up his concern that our feelings for each other were not aligned with the monastic standards I clearly stated my desire then that we not cross anymore physical boundaries (we had kissed) and I requested that he seek guidance from OAK’s teacher and from Soryu Forall regarding what to do with our connection. The next day I learned over breakfast with the community that he was the Executive Director. Later while walking along a beach in Santa Cruz, he asked me spontaneously to go swimming. After which we laid on the beach. Without any conversation about consent, without any kissing or foreplay, or any previous sexual engagement and despite the boundaries previously stated; he then jumped on top of me and entered my body. This encounter was over before I could even react. I did NOT have an opportunity to make a choice and I did NOT give my consent. Afterwards, I felt confused, shocked, and closer to someone I loved. I do not believe that this man initially intended to cause harm to me or to the sangha through his unskillful actions — but he caused extensive harm both through this act of sexual assault and his role in concealing it. Later this man acknowledged he and the organization had mistreated me, and he apologized to me for not asking for my consent when I expressed to him that I had no choice in the sexual encounter that occured.

Following this event the Executive Director was very concerned about his being out of integrity with the sangha (but did not seem to recognize his impact on me or the position he had placed me in.) I encouraged him to tell the truth about our connection and what had happened. Upon arriving to the monastery, he announced to everyone that we were in love (which further surprised me.) He then had a meeting with the leadership of OAK and with the board of directors during which he shared some version of what had happened from which I was excluded. I was also repeatedly excluded from future meetings where this incident was discussed over the following 2 1/2 weeks. During this period of time not one person asked for my account of the event. This exclusionary practice is a clear example of how hierarchy, classism, and sexism has played out in the organization.

The immediate response of the organization was to briefly ask the Executive Director to step down and appoint an Acting Director. The Care Director came to me with a copy agreements with a completely new definition of sexual misconduct than what had originally been sent to me by email and insisted that I immediately end any romantic relationship (with whom I was never in a relationship and had only met a week and a half prior). Sign this piece of paper. Follow the rules. That’s it. Next thing. There was no discussion. I didn’t have any issue with following expectations of not engaging in a sexual/romantic relationship. What I did have an issue with was the lack of awareness, not having a voice in what was happening, their response being simply a set of orders about what I should do and how I should feel, and the expectation that any feelings or impacts of both falling love with this person and having my consent violated could simply be swept under the rug.

I was also impacted by the existing power dynamics which were primarily held by middle aged white men whom had made signficant financial contributions to the organization. The only other woman present was a 22 yr old young woman who had joined OAK a couple months earlier. These men in leadership seemed very concerned about the impact of this incident on the Monastic Academy; but did not demonstrate much care for me as a person or student. It was incredibly upsetting and even scary to be surrounded by people who seemed afraid and angry towards myself and the man who assaulted me. At one point while speaking to the leadership — the teacher channeling what I believe to be his impression of an old Japanese Roshi quite aggressively told me paraphrased: “That in signing these agreements I was agreeing to be nothing. That I am nothing. Zero.” In so many ways it was communicated to me both directly and indirectly that my feelings were not welcome. At one point OAK’s teacher seeing me in tears yelled at me to “Stop crying.” Even on the few occasions where someone did check in on me, I felt completely shut down and unsafe based on the lack of empathy and discomfort I felt from the community, especially the Care Director. The Care Director demonstrated little to no capacity for genuine empathy or understanding towards me — instead seeming hostile and controlling. Another Care person who was sent by the Monastic Academy to OAK and asked to provide support for me openly expressed to me privately in our room at the time that they felt more sympathy for rapists — “who were longing for the Feminine such that they were willing to violate Her” — than for victims. These and other such responses towards me at that time contributed to my not feeling safe to talk about or process my experience with others. Instead I just felt an overwhelming sense of grief, violation, rage, and shock at the responses of the organization. These kinds of responses were disempowering and reinforced an environment in which it was made clear that my experiences, perspectives, and feedback are not important to this organization.

It is also worth noting that I had an already had a strained relationship with the then Acting Director due to his actions and treatment of myself and other women in a separate space. Having seen this person’s leadership in multiple environments and situations I do not trust the quality of leadership emerging from this environment. While I believe this individual genuinely wishes to be of service in the world I would also attribute many of the toxic traits, patterns, and decisions I have witnessed him acting out to having spent 6 years training at the The Monastic Academy under Soryu’s ideology and being immersed in a highly corrosive and subtly abusive environment.

A couple weeks later my Beloved came to me saying that Soryu Forall had personally asked him to write a letter to the leadership and board of directors. This letter stated that the described incident was loving and consensual, that we are abiding by the rules of the monastic container, and that we were not engaging in a romantic relationship. Most of that was true accept the piece around consent which I was still very confused about ( as commonly happens in the aftermath of sexual assault). I expressed that I felt unsure of this and hesitant about this letter. Several more times he talked to me about and showed me this letter. He expressed that the organization was afraid that I might sue them or that this might get out to the public. He also said something along the lines of this was what everyone in the organization needed to relax and feel safe, after which we could put this incident behind us and resume our focus on practice. It was also framed to me as a “letting go“ and ” a demonstration of our commitment to the training. One day I came back from a walk in the park and I was informed that we would be signing this letter in front of the entire community. I said “No” to this and still felt pressured to sign this letter. At that point in time, feeling both overwhelmed and pressured by someone I love, other leaders and community members I did sign this document. When I look back on this; I feel that the organization saw the issue from the beginning and intentionally covered it up.

Another incident which took place in this container after chanting and morning practice. Feeling a lot of overwhelming emotions I sought support from a Care person about what to do with the rage I was feeling. Despite clearly being in a highly emotional state at that particularly moment the Acting Director’s instructions were to go out in break sticks. I still feel that if there had been any leader or teacher with deep enough experience in meditation practice and the cultivation of compassion at this “monastery” then somebody would have been able to be present with another persons anger or grief without sending me out in a highly altered state to do something that is potentially dangerous to myself. Breaking sticks in the forest led to a facial injury, severe blood loss, and resulted in a 6 hour visit to the hospital. I remember this nurse whom I really connected with in the ER asking me at one point if I was ok? Was I safe where I was at? Did I need help? And all I could say is I don’t know. I used a hospital line to call the number I was left with by the care person that led to a dead line, multiple calls to the Acting Director were also not received, finally I talked a nurse into tracking down MAPLE’s contact info whom I called and got me the number of OAK’s teacher from. Finally after several hours of trying to contact the monastery I was picked up. I do want to say the response of the community following this event was responsive and caring. Returning from this event was one of the few times I truly felt cared for within the community. I was given the next day to recover before resuming the schedule. One of the care people at OAK informed me that OAK intended to cover my hospital bill, this was of course never followed through on and was another cost incurred as a result of attending this training. It is also true that this injury came from my own engagement in this practice at the direction of a senior leader and teacher.

I originally came to OAK in November of 2020 with an agreement to stay for a month; during my time at OAK it was decided that I would stay with the organization for a period of three months to continue monastic training and to help with fundraising. Shortly after having felt pressured into signed a document which stated that this nonconsensual encounter was consensual the only other apprentice onsite came to me and told me that I had 24 hours to leave. This decision seems to have been made by Soryu Forall and carried out by the leaders of OAK. I also watched as OAK withdrew from multiple legal and financial agreements negatively impacting property owners; and leaving the rest of the monastery not knowing where they would be living in a few weeks time. I watched my Beloved who has been reinstated by Soryu hide information from major donors and personal friends who were considering OAK for a $300,000 grant and stepped back into a position of authority and power as OAK’s Executive Director (he had previously been asked to step down from). It is worth noting that my Beloved also was a major donor whom had pledged $200,000 in support to the organization — and that the grant OAK was being considered for was connected to his personal and professional ties. I believe that the way I was treated was motivated by financial gain, reputation, and the pursuit of power. I couldn’t help but recognize that these are old stories and patterns in the collective.

As these events were unfolding and afterwards my Beloved whom I believe faced significant pressure from his teacher, Soryu Forall, and his community to participate in these events despite his objections apologized for his mistreatment and the organization’s mistreatment of me even as he continued to participate in, study with, and financially support this organization of which he is still part. As I was leaving to catch the train another community member asked me to sign an “injury waiver” also under the pressure of time; in reviewing that document later it appears not to be an injury waiver but a waiving of liability for all training risks (that is usually provided and signed prior to one's apprenticeship.) Nowhere on this document are those risks clearly outlined. On Dec. 12th of 2020, I left this organization on a train in tears; heartbroken for all that was lost, with 7 stitches in my face, my trust in the practice of meditation, myself, the Buddhist path and dharma, this organization and spiritual community, and my own spiritual path badly broken. It was months before I could sit to meditate again.

No one in my life could relate to what I had just experienced. I had no support. After these events I had zero contact with the Monastic Academy’s leadership until May 2020 when I reached out to share my grievances. I had one brief conversation with a young resident in January of 2021 who was deeply conflicted and considering leaving after these events, who apologized to me for her role in how I was treated. The man I refer to here as Beloved did reach out to me to make repairs and re-establish a relationship after he was later removed again from his Executive Director’s position. During this period of contact I was increasingly concerned for his wellbeing as he frequently expressed states of mind that included extreme fear, anxiety, and paranoia. He later shared with me that he received multiple suggestions and pressure from other leaders and from Soryu to cut off all contact with me during this period of time. Later the Monastic Academy would go on to publish a quarteerly report downplaying and misrepresenting these events without ever having spoken to me and with the falsehood “that I left on good terms” which has only recently been amended; but which still misrepresents these events.

This entire scenario was a huge “clusterfuck” for lack of a more appropriate term.It is my experience that organizations should have more effective accountability structures, communication, and feedback systems for gathering program data about their programs then what is present within the Monastic Academy. So far, the high intensity and psycho-spiritual nature of the Monastic academy’s training when combined with administrative tasks and responsibilities aspects seems to have resulted in negligent and ineffective organizational management that has resulted in harm affecting many parties. This is especially concerning when adverse experiences include serious psychological risks such as psychological breakdowns, long-term symptoms of cPTSD, and the ethical misconduct and negligence of core MA leaders.

Soryu Forall, also seems to have essentially set up a guru system and according to his own words this means someone is accountable for these actions in his video here. Minute number 27 is especially unsettling to me in light of my own experience as is much of this video in light of his own lack of accountability over the past ten years. In that time there have been numerous “clusterfucks” that have left many people confused, disoriented, and deeply hurt. I would also ask that the board of directors reconsider their support of this current program model which further compounds the risks of training, their legal fiduciary duties which includes amongst other things “the care an ordinarily prudent person in a like position would exercise under similar circumstances” and ensuring that all fundraising solicitations and applications are accurate and truthful with demonstrable claims, and ensuring 501c3 compliance with Vermont state laws. I am also concerned about the board’s capacity to provide ethical oversight based on the current makeup and size of the board, and how this may impact power dynamics of having a Founder/Head Teacher/ Board President with mostly former students in staff and board positions. The governance of this board should also be assessed by a third-party nonprofit consultant — given that it appears that most current board members are former students or have other significant conflicts of interest. Reviews of past board members on the organization’s 990 tax documents also brings up similar questions and concerns.

Throughout my experience with the Monastic Academy I feel that I have been treated like I am a threat rather than aperson who has been deeply hurt and with whom to make amends. This has inevitably led to my speaking up about a situation that otherwise could have been resolved through compassionate dialogue. I have tried repeatedly to engage this organization to provide feedback and to have a genuine conversation about these events. I sent an email to Soryu detailing some of my concerns while I was still at OAK. This and future attempts to communicate with Soryu have been ignored. In May of 2021 I sent another email to the organization which included my grievances including issues of consent, the coverup of sexual misconduct, and the unethical actions of its leaders along with a request for mediation with Soryu Forall and any other leaders involved in these decisions. I have been since been met with gaslighting, dismissal, later one acknowledgement and apology from one female leader for “a failure of leadership” after informing them I would share my experience publicly and a response that they would be happy to engage in mediation, and multiple attempts to skirt around the steps of mediation as set forth by the 3rd party mediator. Finally when the leadership of the MA did meet with a mediator the conditions that their leaders set forth to even engage in conversation with me were focused on removing public criticism and further ensuring that I did not speak publicly — not on how to move forward with a restorative process. These were not acceptable terms to me because I believe other’s safety is at risk.

The full extent of harm done within this community is still unknown. However, at present there are at least 20–25 reports of varying degrees of negligence and abuse, long-term impacts such as mild to severe symptoms of cPTSD, and other negative experiences shared by past guests, apprentices, residents, and community members that are known to me. I suspect the real impact on current and former apprentices and residents is much higher. Some people may even find it difficult to identify the negatives impacts this training has on them because they have been taught not to trust themselves, to bypass certain aspects of their human experience, and have been indoctrinated into an ideology that justifies harm in the name of the mission. Still others have spent significant amounts of time, energy, resources, and money recoverign from their involvement in the Monastic Academy. Repairing the re-traumatization of my nervous system caused during this month of “FREE” apprenticeship has personally cost me hundreds of hours and over $6,000 in hospital bills and PTSD treatment. We should be aware that not everyone has the support or privilege of being able to afford or access the resources needed to heal.

I would encourage potential, current, and former Monastic Academy members to familiarize themselves with the definitions and signs of emotional, psychological, and spiritual abuse. Additionally, it would be beneficial to be familiar with the characteristics of charismatic authoritarian leaders and the structures, recruitment strategies, group dynamics and behaviors of many high demand groups (also known as cults.) This website put together by former students in a Buddhist organization with similar patterns provides many great resources and examples: https://leavingdharmaocean.com/.

I am grateful for the support I have received and the many conversations I have had with the many past apprentices, residents, and community members who also have experienced or witnessed the harmful impacts of these patterns within the Monastic Academy. I know that I am not alone.

To the leaders of the Monastic Academy: I will not be silent about my experience until this organization has taken substantial steps towards a 3rd party investigation into reports of abuse, acknowledging the harm caused by and risks of the training on its website, restructuring its program and policies to create greater safety and accountability, making amends for past harms where possible, and has actively sought out and included the voices of those impacted in these processes. When I came to the Monastic Academy I did not expect that it would be the “immovable system of injustice” I needed to stand up to. Reputation is not as important as truth and it is not as important is living up to the organization’s stated mission of creating wise and compassionate leaders. I invite the leaders of this community to do so and to embody the values, principles, and teachings that you promote on your website. I speak in service to the healing that I know is possible for individuals and communities when these issues are brought into the open. I am here because my compassion for you and for others compels me to be.

Only when those with power willingly relinquish that power and engage in true accountability and restorative action will love and wisdom prevail in this community. May the clear waters of our tears flow so that there can be healing within this community.

With love,

Shekinah

Update 10/19/2022: Unsurprisingly, since this letter was released the organization has still has not engaged with me directly or pursued any kind of restorative process to address the harm caused to past participants. Multiple parties have also contacted me about their own experiences of negligence and abuse both prior to and since this letter was published. Additionally, it seems that since this letter was published it has been reported that, Soryu Forall, the Monastic Academy’s main teacher and “guru” has begun to openly engage in sexual and romantic relationships with his students and former students.