I graduated from college two days and one week ago. This was not that long ago, I am aware, and yet people expect more from me because I will soon be receiving a piece of paper in the mail that says I successfully sat in a series of classrooms for the last four years. I apologize for whatever I may have told you in response to the question “What are you planning to do after graduation?” because surely whatever I told you is false. I have no plans. I only have semblances of ideas. So, here is my list of things (in no particular order) that I might tell you if you ask what I intend to do with my life, and the reasons I do not intend to do them.

1. Teaching.
   As an English Major, this is the most common conclusion people jump to. I have nothing against teaching, except that I don’t want to do it right now. I thought I had earned my way out of school. Why would I sign myself into going back for the rest of eternity before I’ve had the chance to do something else? (This is not to say that I won’t want to do it later, but we’ll cross that bridge when we get there.)
2. Disney Princess.
   My eyes are disproportionately large compared to the rest of my face and a kid at work last week told me I looked like Princess Anna. The only problem is that princesses in Disneyland have to sign a lot of autographs, and my handwriting looks more like that of a third-grade boy than that of an animal-befriending, fairy godmother-having child of royalty. I’m also not sure if my butt would fit in one of those gowns, but that’s more of a fixable issue.
3. Writing in any form.
   I do love to write. I like stories. I like poems. I like Tweets and blog posts and grocery lists. Practically speaking it’s just not a real-life career path. As far as my hopes and dreams go, I’m scared, and that has to be a good enough reason to avoid something…
4. YouTube Star.
   If you’re funny enough and cute enough, people will pay you money to make videos, right? I just need to do more research on the logistics of this one.
5. Homeless Person.
   I read an article once that said some people who beg for money on the street actually do really well for themselves. I would want to be one of those people who looks homeless during the day and camps out on a freeway on-ramp with a sad sign so I could collect enough money to maintain my current lifestyle. Maybe eventually someone will take me in and make me their project because they think I live an unfortunate life and that’s how I can segue into being a YouTube star. It’ll be like Pretty Woman. Of course, then I risk everyone thinking that I’m a prostitute.

Needless to say, I have no idea of what I’m doing. But at least we have a pretty good list going. Another good list is the things that I don’t want to do, but that’s for another time…