Confessions of a Stressed Out Teen

It is 3:47 AM local time as I lay here in my bed staring at the blue light of my laptop screen attempting to make sense of my Biology assignment due in ten hours. My current mood, as it has been for the last few weeks, is a sense of my world slowly burning down around me. This fire had been burning at a quite far away distance, tucked away from my view. Recently, the flames caught on to my dried out mind and body, and they started to burn it into ashes. Now the fire isn’t large and ablaze, don’t get me wrong-but, it is one of small embers that gives a predictable and gradual burn that manages to take down all it approaches. Maybe lava better fits what I’m trying to convey, but I don’t see the lava in my mind and I find that form of natural disaster much more intimidating. And maybe again I like to picture a fire because unlike lava, it’s not going to wipe everything clean. I’m still going to carry the flaws and habits I had before my world turned to hot ashes. In an optimistic light, I hope these ashes cool, blow away, and possibly allow for something new to grow a top of the scars of the fire. What I’m trying to get at is my frustration for my situation: I’ve been working 30–40 hours a week, on top of the 18 credits I’m taking at my community college, on top of finding a new school to transfer to, on top of the heartbreaking relationships I get myself into, on top of other miscellaneous personal things to do, and then on top of the need to sleep for 8 hours and manage to wake up to go through the same hell the next day. I truly believe this is what hell would feel like: the knowing that your life is graced with misfortune and there’s no way to turn back from it. A slow gradual burn that’s painful to watch. I could make several jokes here about how a greater investment in my spiritual life should help me pass Biology, but I felt it was too sacrilegious to publicize. God already knows that I have just mocked him in my mind…God forbid I do anything insulting to him publicly. There- I just did it again. If someone was to make a character out of my personality lately it would be an over-roasted peanut with an attitude because I’m salty about how burned out I feel. *Brief venting session is over*