My Horse with a Sad End — Part 2 The Operation

Chapter 2: when things get good, the going gets rough.. so it seems

Grey was officially mine! I didn’t like her old name and when she was a horse in for training, I called her “Grey” and once I owned her, the name stuck.

Once things were going well, it was the time things started to go a little bad. Grey and I became a little inconsistent in our patterns. We would do good in some areas but really make a mistake that cost us a good time. I always felt her move a little differently, but after some osteo sessions, some massages and basic therapies. I contributed it to her weak muscles and her need to just get stronger.

The season was approaching and I felt good, Grey was getting fed the best, she was looking great and I felt we were ready for a strong debut.

The glimpse of potential always snuck in and it kept me motivated to keep trying to get this mare feeling her best. A few performance vet visits that year we discovered the news that she had kissing spine. It contributed to her one side being weaker than the other, it contributed to her inconsistency on the pattern, and to her obvious personality signs that were telling us she is in discomfort.

The thing with horses, they cannot speak. They tell us by behaviour, if you knew of a human who was in pain, they'd often act in ways that were nasty, short-fused, grumpy, or whatever you feel when you live in some sort of pain. This mare was telling us the signs and we were trying to figure it all out.

Once the diagnosis came in we proceeded with taking every short step to see what would work. Starting with the least intrusive and progressing to surgery if we had to.

That fall she went for the more simple, surgery. They don’t shave any bones, they just cut the ligaments that are bound through her spine causing the pain. 4 months of recovery, a lot of hand walking, groundwork, and eventually riding again.

By the time the next season rolled around, Grey was fixed up and ready to shine her brightest.

While things were substantially better, they still weren't great. She would make some nice runs, but then tell me she couldn't turn the third. I worked really hard on fitness, keeping her posture in the right form, and allowing her to stretch out but when it came time to compete, she still wasn’t out of the discomfort she's had for who knows how many years.

Just like people, horses store trauma. We feel pain in our bodies just like horses, and even when the pain is finally gone, the feeling can remain for a while.

I didn't know if this was the case or not. I didn't know if I should keep trying to run her when she was still not 100%. I didn't know what to do next except turn to the vet.

I will say, during this time I did advertise her. I was getting drained by trying. I knew she could make it if someone gave her the energy she needed. Energy being financial, time, attention everything athletes need to be on their game. I was running a little out of energy and still wanted her to succeed with or without me.

That never happened. Me and my mom made the decision to try the final piece, the surgery where they remove the bones that are touching each other within her spine. It was a more expensive and intrusive surgery for her, but we believed in her so much we wanted to try. Our hope was that maybe, it would be it and she would be able to run as she should have from the start, free of pain.

Chapter 3 — The Ending of a Story

Yesterday I dropped her off at the best vet in our province to undergo the surgery. Today I got a phone call that the surgery went well. But, there is a but. When she got up she did something to her hock, which is the big joint in the middle of her back legs. She went to get up and broke it, not just in one place but many and the vet told me there was nothing they could do to put it back together.

Today, I say goodbye to that horse and the story of hope she gave me. She taught me so much about defeat, about trying and truly never giving up on anyone or anything simply because you believe in it so much.

Grey, was a goal. She was the “what if” of my life. She was the one who needed the care that I gave her. She made me dig deep and put her first. After all, she deserved it. All the energy invested did not go to waste, even if it meant her story ending too soon, the story will still remain.