It is A Pleasure Meeting You, Freedom…

I have been feeling like a prisoner towards money lately. I literally feel like I am in jail. Thank God I am coming to an understanding about the deep rooted issues I have within myself. I do not want to be a prisoner towards money anymore. I want to live a life that feels like freedom, and worry less about money. Those thoughts take me far from the space I would ideally like to be in.

I feel like money is such an important part in this stage in my life. There is so much pressure that is revolved around this topic. I can not seem to find peace within myself if that is what I often think about. It is added pressure that is already on top of the stress of trying to figure out what you want to do in this lifetime. It almost feels like a fantasy. If I were to make SOOO much money, then I would feel so fulfilled and happy in life. WRONG!! I am happy when I surround myself with loving people. I am happy when I discover a new hiking trail. I am happy when I lay in the nature and create cool pictures with my oil paints. I am happy when I take my neighbors cute puppy on a walk. I am happy when I am spending quality time with my fiance. I am happy when I experience new things. I am happy when I meet an old friend that I truly love and adore. I am happy when I go on road trips. I am happy when I spend time with my family. How could I focus on money, when I have the potential of focusing on other things that truly make me happy?

❤ My Neighbors Cute Puppy ❤

There are so many things that make me happy, and none of it has to do with money. I know it is important. I understand that. The issue I have is how much emphasis I put on my perception about money. I make it seem as if it is the only thing that matters and is important in life, and I must come to an understanding that it is not the right way to look at it. I need to undo my beliefs about money, and then redo my beliefs about money. I can not allow it to dominate my life, and make me feel paralyzed when I am low on cash. It is not fair to myself. I work my b*tt off to make as much money as I can. I feel like I am so hard on myself. I forget to look at other details in my life, which truly make me feel happy.

The truth I have no idea what I am doing. I do not know how to make “money”. I do not know how to save money. I have no idea how to create a better relationship when it comes to my beliefs and money. They are clearly not friends. I feel I have knots in my stomach when it comes to understanding the concept of money. I almost feel like I suck at it. I think to myself, how come I cannot make it? How is it so difficult? The thing I “think” I want the most, has not come towards me at any stage in my life till now. How come? Am I taking all the wrong steps? Am I not assertive and demanding enough?

I am a freelancer, and it is so challenging to always figure out your next steps. It is like you are creating a whole new tool, and it takes times to create it. Once the tool is fully prepared and tangible, then money will flow towards me. How come it is taking so long? I want to feel that my hard work pays off. I do not see any results, and I feel very frustrated about it. When will these days pass, and when will I have a healthier vision of how money plays into my life. This feeling sucks. I know it will be okay, eventually.

I am scared. The truth is I am scared. I am scared that I will be a failure when it comes to making money. I might never make it. This is why I feel so frustrated. These fears are consuming my thoughts. HELP! I feel like I am incapable of making money. I feel upset with myself that I rely heavily on other people (family). I feel ashamed about it. I have such negative feelings towards money and myself.

I must learn to take it easy. I must understand that money does not define me as a person. There is money, and there is me. I always put the two together, and that is false. The fear is so deep that it fogs up my reality.

I know I am scared. I know it is one of my biggest insecurities. I know that this is also just a phase in my life (although my fear tells me it is not). I have been given a chance to break the cycle on how I feel about money. I want to feel free from it. I am free from it?

It is time to (slowly but surely) detach myself from any thoughts that bring me down. I have been lucky enough to admit that I’ve escaped from feeling trapped in these thoughts. In the next few days, my thoughts will change when it comes to money. A miracle will arrive; Bliss. Content. Freedom. I welcome money into my life. I welcome the flow of MAJOR miracles that are heading my way. I trust the universe. I trust it with all my heart. I know financial freedom is just around the corner. I feel it :)

The other day, I went for a walk, and I realized that life is perfect. I do not need anything more or anything less. I have all the things in my life to make me feel happy and complete.

Cheers to a new perspective on money :)

❤ Shelley