Express Yourself, Don’t Repress Yourself
by Sheldon Rocha Leal
Children can be cruel to one another, but I guess it’s all part of identity formation and a lack of knowledge about who they are and for what they stand. Additionally, research indicates that the pre-frontal lobe of a teenager is not fully developed and will only be completely formed in a person’s mid-20s. This is the part of the brain that regulates impulse control, so bullying at this stage of a person’s development is understandable, but not forgivable. The outcome is that if a child does not fit into a box in their teenage years, they are likely to be bullied. If they are too tall, short, fat, thin, feminine, masculine, dark, light, absolutely any difference will be singled out for ridicule. Furthermore, if they come from a home filled with ignorant people who discriminate against others or where they themselves are being mistreated this could manifest in bullying.
As someone who didn’t fit into a box at school the problems were exponential. Although I had some close friends, there were many who didn’t like me because I didn’t conform and fit into a box. For the longest time I felt I needed the approval of my abusers and then I had an epiphany: no matter what I did, there were some people who would never like me and there was nothing I could do about that. I must add a disclaimer: reflecting on those days it’s clear everyone was just trying to get by, we all had our problems and inadequacies, but that does not condone bad behaviour. Things didn’t get any better as an adult. The problem with the world is that it’s populated with too many ignorant people who are fearful of what they don’t know. Unfortunately, one can never win an argument against self-righteous, entitled and ignorant people who have been socialised to feel superior and for this reason I don’t.
In my teens what saved me was music and all the misfits that make the Pop world cool. When I found out that Prince was an outcast at school and became one of the biggest selling musicians of all time, I felt I could make it. I, therefore, submitted to the Rock gods and tried to learn my lessons from them. My favourite artists were (and are), those who worked hard and persevered under adverse situations. Tina Turner was abused by her husband and went on to become one of the biggest stars of all time. Madonna was underestimated by an industry dominated by men and became one of the biggest selling artists of all time. Michael Jackson, Dolly Parton, Aretha Franklin, Stevie Wonder, James Brown, Cher, Elton John, Kylie Minogue, Gladys Knight, Whitney Houston, Mariah Carey and Céline Dion. The latter were my teachers and their songs held the lessons that helped me persevere through hard times.
Listening and analysing the message of my heroes’ songs inspired me and gave me the strength to rise above the ignorance, bigotry and oppression, not only as a child, but also as an adult. The messages in the songs in combination with my life experiences taught me that:
- People feel nothing when telling you how inept or undesirable you are;
- You don’t need permission to be who you are;
- You are not beholden to anyone for approval;
- We too have agency in our relationships, we can also decide who we like or don’t like and with whom we want to spend time and allow into our inner circles.
How many times have I been approached and told that “we accept your type”…Unfortunately I choose not to accept your type, regardless of what you want. It’s not that easy to be accepted into my inner circle. Also that kind of statement is imbued with its own sense of entitlement, self-righteousness, ignorance and bigotry. In this article I will highlight five of my favorite self-empowering songs, by some of my greatest teachers…
Madonna: Human Nature (1994)
“Human Nature” is featured on Madonna’s 6th studio album, “Bedtime Stories”, and was written at a time when the Queen of Pop was getting a lot of flack from the media and society at large. “Bedtime Stories” was released hot on the heels of “Erotica” (1992) in which Madonna attempted to push the boundaries of sexuality and especially woman as assertive sexual beings and role models. “Erotica” as well as the “SEX” book and “Body Of Evidence” movie were not well received. “Bedtime Stories” was, therefore, released to counteract some of the negative publicity the “Erotica” era attracted. The sound of “Bedtime Stories” is smoother and more R&B in contrast to the darker sound and Funk elements included in “Erotica”.
Up to this point Madonna had attained unprecedented commercial success, but was not well received by the media and music critics. They continuously commented on her lack of talent, or likelihood to stand the test of time, or that she was not as good as other female singers from the era. It all came to a boiling point in the “Erotica” era. “Human Nature” was, therefore, a response to all this negative publicity and commentary, and something she was motivated to do at this stage in her career. The song comments of society’s hypocrisy and was specifically aimed at the media, who tormented and “slut shamed” her during the “Erotica” era.
The song was not a massive success and only peaked at No46 in the USA, at the time her lowest charting song on the Billboard Hot 100. It fared better in the U.K., where it peaked at No8 on the single’s chart. The song was co-written and produced by legendary R&B producer Dave Hall. The song is brilliant and my favorite lines are: “You punish me for telling you my fantasies, I’m breaking all the rules I didn’t make, You took my words and made a trap for silly fools, You held me down and tried to make me break”.
Miley Cyrus: Flowers (2023)
“Flowers” is one of my favorite songs of 2023. Love the vibe, the musical influences, which span genres like Country, Pop, Disco, Funk and Rock and the tempo. The song is featured on Miley Cyrus’ 8th studio album, “Endless Summer Vacation”. It is also the first time her fans heard from her after her very public divorce from actor Liam Hemsworth in 2020 in the midst of the Covid pandemic and lockdown. The singer married the actor in 2018 and less than two years later a legal separation was announced. Eight days later Liam Hemsworth filed for divorce, something Miley was reportedly not expecting. Miley speaks about how she disliked going through the process under the glare of media speculation.
The song has turned out to be a major hit and will probably be the track of 2023. It became the fastest song to reach 100million streams on Spotify (7 days). It also topped the Billboard Global 200 for 13 non-consecutive weeks, debuted at No1 on the Billboard Hot 100 (the 65th song to do so) spending 8weeks at pole position. In the U.K. it spent 10 weeks at No1. Furthermore it went to No1 in 37 countries and shipped 2,5million units globally (thus far). “Flowers” is her 2nd No1 in the USA and 3rd in the U.K. and it will probably be the biggest single of her career. There are many parallels that can be drawn between the lyrics of the song and Miley’s divorce from Liam Hemsworth.
Firstly, it was released on Hemsworth’s birthday, 12 January. Secondly, it references their marital home in Malibu, burnt down in 2018 in the Woolsey Fire. Lastly, the chorus is a response to Bruno Mars’ 2012 hit “When I Was Your Man”, which Liam Hemsworth allegedly previously dedicated to Miley. Whatever the inspiration behind the song, I love that she chooses to highlight her independence and ability to make herself happy, without needing to rely on anyone. May favourite lyrics are: “I can buy myself flowers, Write my name in the sand, Talk to myself for hours, Say things you don’t understand, I can take myself dancing, and I can hold my own hand, Yeah, I can love me better than you can”. They illustrate that one should never rely on anyone for happiness and that happiness is found within, before being externalised.
Lizzo and Cardi B: Rumours (2021)
This collaboration between two of the Hip-Hop world’s biggest stars was not even featured on an album. The song, written by both divas in collaboration with a team of writers, addresses issues that both females have encountered in their fledgling careers. Lizzo who is an unashamedly larger woman, aims to portray herself as a body positive role model for a generation of young girls, who may be ridiculed for their size. Personally, as someone who has always struggled with weight, I get the message loud and clear and wish there were more role models in my generation who were more body positive. But as with anything, when someone puts themselves out there, there will always be a segment of society that will resist the breaking of new ground. The result is that Lizzo has suffered at the hands of the body shaming brigade.
Cardi B on the other hand, has fallen victim to the Slut Shaming brigade. Her debut album was a massive triumph. “Invasion of Privacy” (2018) peaked at No1 USA/No5 U.K., shipped over 4million units in the USA alone and is the only album in history in which all the tracks (and there were 13) were certified platinum or higher. All that success aside, her past as a stripper has continuously reared its ugly head. Although Carbi B takes it in her stride, this is clearly something that has had an impact on her. “Rumours” was a modest hit peaking at No4 USA/No20 U.K. and shipped over 1,3million units. I love the Funky groove of the song, the rhymes are killer and I love the brass sections included in the arrangement.
The message of the song is what I love most. In it the women state that it’s not worth arguing with fools, as they will always say just what they want. As RuPaul says, what other people think about you is none of your business. So if people want to discredit you and underestimate your input, they must just go ahead, because the cream will always rise to the top and what they think of you shouldn’t affect how you feel about yourself. So…if they want to say you slept with half the world, that’s fine…My favorite lyrics are featured in the first verse: “All the rumours are true, yeah, What ya’ heard, that’s true, yeah, I fuck him and you, yeah, If you believe I do that”.
Lily Allen: Fuck You (2009)
The song originally appeared on Allen’s Myspace account in 2008 and was titled “Guess Who Batman”. It was written by Lily and Greg Kurstin at a time in the world’s history where turmoil reigned supreme. The Great Recession had just started and many people around the world lost billions of dollars. Lily Allen has articulated that the song is about George W. Bush, the 43rd president of the USA, about whom she has very little nice to say. The song’s nostalgic feel is enhanced by its uptempo schlocky performance style, reminiscent of songs performed in the late 1970s by bands like ABBA. It also contains a sample of the piano used in the Australian Soap Opera theme, “Neighbours”.
“Fuck You” has been adopted by many people from minority groups as an anthem, as the lyrics are a rallying cry to cease discrimination against anyone, all done in the guise of a nursery rhyme type song. I guess the most effective way to communicate such a potent message is within the confines of non-threatening/simple type of musical arrangement such as a nursery rhyme. The song didn’t fare well on the charts, the use of the “F” word could have played a part in its lack of commercial success. Furthermore, it was never commercially released in the U.K. and for that reason never chartered. In the USA the single peaked at No68 on the Billboard Hot 100. It did, however, peak in the Top 10 of the Finnish, Israeli, Italian, Dutch, Norwegian and Swiss single’s charts.
Although the song was not commercially released in the U.K., it did manage to attain a Gold certification in the country for the sale of over 400,000 singles (this must of been for single equivalent sales, i.e. streams etc.). In total the single has shifted over 650,000 singles worldwide, which is a testament to the cult like status it has attained over the years. My favourite lyrics come from the chorus: “Fuck You, fuck you very, very much, ‘Cause we hate what you do, And we hate your whole crew, So, please don’t stay in touch”. Now if that isn’t saying it like it is, I don’t know what is.
Cher: Strong Enough (1999)
“Strong Enough” is featured on Cher’s 22nd studio album “Believe” and was the 1990s answer to the famous 1970s Disco classic “I Will Survive” (1978) by Gloria Gaynor. The song contains many of the audio cues that made the Gloria Gaynor song a Disco/cult anthem in the 1970s: up-tempo beat, string section, catchy lyrics and booming vocal. When the song was released it became an immediate cult favorite. The sad part is that it was released hot on the heels of Cher’s biggest selling single to date, “Believe”, which shipped over 11million units globally. I, therefore, don’t think “Strong Enough” received the credit it actually deserves, as it should have been a major worldwide smash.
I feel the song’s lackluster commercial performance could be attributed to an overexposure by consumers to Cher’s “Believe”, which diminished their appetite for “Strong Enough”. The song peaked at No57 USA and No5 U.K., but peaked in the Top 10 of 15 countries, including Switzerland, Spain, Poland, New Zealand, Italy, Iceland, Hungary, Greece, France & Germany, shipping over 1million units globally. Although it peaked so low on the Billboard Hot 100, it charted at No1 on the US Dance singles’ chart. The song was written by Mark Taylor and Paul Barry and produced by the former. The duo went on to write songs for some of the greatest Pop stars in the industry, including Enrique Iglesias, Lionel Richie, Tina Turner, Britney Spears and Céline Dion, but Cher was their first client.
The song is essentially another self-empowering break-up song, like “Flowers” by Miley Cyrus, highlighted earlier. Like “Flowers” and “I Will Survive” it speaks about a spurned lover that takes back control of their life, after what is seemingly a life altering break up, choosing not to allow the callousness of a lover to be the end of their existence. The song illustrates that each party in a relationship has agency and can decide how they want to handle an adverse situation: either break down or rise like a Phoenix. My favourite lyrics come from the chorus: “…I’m strong enough, To live without you, Strong enough, And I quit crying, Long enough, Now I’m strong enough, To know, You gotta go”.
There will always be people that surround you that will try to bring you down. This negativity can be motivated by insecurity, jealousy or intimidation, but as the songs above illustrate, one should take ownership of who one is and for what one stands. The songs illustrate that one cannot be held to the ideals of others (“Human Nature”), that one should be self reliant and confident in one’s ability (“Flowers”). Furthermore, you cannot be beholden to other’s perceptions of who you are (“Rumours”), that ignorance cannot be tolerated (“Fuck You”) and most importantly one needs to know when to pull the plug on toxic relationships (“Strong Enough”).
It seems, as the years have progressed artists have become bolder in their messaging and have started to tell it like it is, which I feel is so important for the younger generations. People need to be empowered and for many years, marginalised individuals have been socialised to keep quiet and not “rock the boat”, but the same courtesy is not reciprocated. We all have agency in our society, and we all can decide for ourselves what resonates or does not with our belief system. Society should stop making people feel less because of their natural dispositions and orientations, there is nothing one can do about that, and music is the perfect vehicle through which to reinforce this reality.
