A Senior Moment
Sheri Simpson, CDP, CDSGF
Senior Family Advisor
Dear Sheri at: sheri@a-seniormoment.com
Dear Sheri: When I was a little girl, my parents use to take me every Sunday to see our great grandparents in the “nursing home”. We would walk in, and I can still remember the smell that wolfed my nose. I remember seeing all the people lined up in the hallway with crocheted blankets on their laps. Some were slumped oversleeping and some of them were reaching out to us as we walked by. Looking back, it was traumatic. Now that I am much older, I’m looking at my mother who’s is 79 years old, my father passed away 3 years ago. My mom has mentioned to me that she would like to move into Senior Living where her friends are. She still drives and is pretty independent. She visits her friends who live in senior living and participates in some of the activities. I know she likes it there, but I really dislike this option, because of my feelings as a child. I can’t offer her to live with me and my husband because of my family dynamic. I also know that my mom would not be happy living with us as we work full time, have a 2-story house, and we travel a lot. -What to do?
Dear: What to do… I am sorry for your past experiences as a child, I bet that was frightful. The industry has changed so much, it’s not perfect but incredibly better than it was. I suggest that you take a deep breath and go with your mom and visit the Senior Living Community that she enjoys. I believe you will be impressed and feel much more comfortable. You mom really needs you to support her decision. So have an open mind. Please let me know how it goes.
Dear Sheri: I was visiting my father who is 85 years old. We were going to run some errands when I noticed that his front bumper on the passenger side was dented. I brought it up to him he disregarded my concern and said, “it was nothing”. While we were running our first errand I was scared for my life, he is a horrible driver. My comments were very upsetting to him, we argued the rest of the time I was there. I can’t in good conscience let him to continue to drive. I am afraid that he could get seriously hurt or hurt someone else. He is a very stubborn man and will never give up his driver’s license. What should I do? -I know better.
Dear: I know better, there are many components to this issue that I hear all the time from adult children of aging parents. One being its their independence. So, the real question is how can he keep his independence without hurting himself or someone else? From my past experiences its never a good Idea for us to parent our parents. Therefore- leaving it for the professionals to do it. I would talk to his doctor’s office and have them tell him that he can no longer drive. They can send in a letter to the DMV and this drivers license will be revoked. With that being said you need to have another plan in place to give him the independence he needs. Bringing in “in home care” or looking at “Senior living” where transportation is included in the rent.
If you or you know of a loved one struggling with Senior issues, email Dear Sheri at:
Sheri@a-seniormoment.com
