The Buddy System

In my many years of creative curiosity, I have run across several books that discussed the importance of ‘not going it alone’ when it comes to creative work or goals. The goals (or intentions) might be creative, spiritual, financial, health-related, career-related or what have you.

In Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill, the author suggested a ‘mastermind’ group. In The Artist Way, A Spiritual Path to Higher Creativity, by Julia Cameron, she suggests a peer-run artist group, called a sacred circle or a ‘creative cluster’. In a later book by Julia Cameron, called The Vein of Gold, A Journey to Your Creative Heart, she includes a section toward the end entitled A Guide to Starting Creative Clusters which delves deeper into her ideal. And in Wishcraft, How to Get What you Really Want, by Barbara Sher with Annie Gottlieb, the author suggests the buddy system.

All of these books are older editions. The oldest, Think and Grow Rich, was published around 1937 (this is the only book of the ones I mentioned above that I don’t own). And I’m certain there are several other books that suggest this same idea. I say this because it illustrates that the idea is not new.

However, when I first read about this as a young adult, it was new to me. Up until then, I was under the impression that I had to figure things out myself, go it alone, do it alone. And heaven forbid, that I ask anyone for help! Or that I ask anyone for support in ANY area of my life! For years, I felt too ashamed to admit that I could use some support.

However, I came around to the idea when I realized I actually could use some support and accountability. Through trial and error (lots of error), I found what works for me.

I tried several groups over many, many years, joined several clubs and organizations that I hoped would be this kind of creative cluster or master mind. I had a few issues with the majority of groups I joined:

(1) I would take on more than my reasonable share of responsibility for the success of the group and often took it personally,

(2) I would grow resentful of my over-responsibility/over-dependence, and

(3) I would experience discouragement and disappointment by the eventual backbiting, gossip, lack of commitment, and derailment of purpose within most groups that I participated in.

I also had the idea to start my own group but had little success with finding like-minded people who wanted to commit to a peer-supported group and NOT a group that encompassed leadership. (I am NOT a leader. Nor did I want anyone else to lead.)

I have matured a bit and realize that we are all human and quite dysfunctional and that when you get a group of us — people — together, dysfunction happens. I still belong to a few groups, but I’ve scaled back on my over-responsibility within them. I also accept that if lack of commitment is a problem in me or some of the members, it’s okay to let my membership drop or ultimately allow the group to dissolve, if that is where it’s headed.

What has worked for me is the buddy system. With my nature, finding one person who is like-minded was easier than trying to find and convince a small group of people. Although that effort also required a lot of trial and error. I still like the idea of a small group, but the buddy system in two different cases over my lifetime has been a game changer. One friend and I worked together on general life goals for over a decade with a monthly email. The other friend is a writing/creative buddy that I’ve been working with for the past three years.

The result in both cases has been focus, accountability, acceptance and encouragement. Having a committed partner to brainstorm and hash out creative ideas or intentions has been life changing. And the bonus is a deep and lasting friendship.

My writing buddy and I hold a weekly phone meeting. We’ve been consistent and diligent. We’ve also been open and flexible to our changing moods and seasons as we navigate our creative ventures and share our intentions. Together we’ve encountered ideas and avenues that we may not have encountered had we been trudging along on our own. In this case it’s true that two heads are better than one.

I’m grateful to have found something that works for me. And to have found friends who were willing to work together WITH me. It’s been an enlightening ride and I hope to continue.

Happy writing!