Apologizing — the best way to lose your power!

The other day, I was running late for a meeting, and feeling frazzled and rushed, and my mom called. She has the best timing for this. I swear, she talks to my voicemail more often than me, because she always seems to know when I am the busiest I can possibly be, and makes sure to call me right then! I missed the call, and immediately called her back, despite the rush, to see what was going on (you never know, one of these times it may well be more important than just checking up on me.)

What was the very first word out of my mouth, even before hello?

Sorry, mom.

Sorry that I couldn’t jump to the phone as quick as I wanted. Sorry that I made you wait an extra minute or two to talk to me. Sorry.

Then I kind of stopped cold for a minute. What exactly was I sorry for? What on earth did I expect, that she would bite my head off if I didn’t answer on the first ring? She knows I am a busy single mom, and that I return my missed calls as soon as I can after I miss them. So, why did I feel this compulsive need to apologize for not jumping to attention as quickly as I possibly could?

We women all do it; saying “sorry” when things don’t work out the way we expected and we feel bad, when we feel like we made someone wait, when we bumped someone, when we did something stupid. We apologize to the butcher, the banker, and the candlestick maker (okay, maybe not the candlestick maker but you get my point.) We apologize without even thinking about it, without blinking, without considering what we could possibly be sorry about in the situation.

STOP IT!

Stop apologizing — say thank you instead.

We need to take our power back and own our stories. Don’t apologize for everything. Yes, some things require an apology…if we hurt someone, or if we did something terrible. But usually, we find ourselves apologizing for simply being human, and that isn’t okay.

Saying thank you takes your power back, while acknowledging that sometimes we may disappoint or upset the people in our lives. When we are running late, say “thank you for waiting”. When we are not available and an alternative date is arranged, say “thank you for changing the date”. When we need to blow someone off because we just don’t have time to accommodate their request, say “thank you for understanding”. See how easy that was?

I was the absolute worst at this for years. I apologized for everything. If someone even looked a teeny bit upset about anything, I fell all over myself trying to make amends. Even when it wasn’t my fault, even when it had nothing to do with me, I felt the people-pleasing need to smooth it over. My go-to was always an I’m sorry. Every time. I know for a fact I’m not alone, either. Why do so many women do this to themselves?

I believe it comes from women’s instinctive need to always play the peace maker. To always ensure that the family unit is stable (even when it’s obviously not). We make ourselves small in an attempt to help the other person feel big. We don’t realize that it’s not an either/or proposition; we don’t make them smaller when we are bigger, in fact it’s usually the other way around. When we stand tall and proud, the other person responds by feeding off that energy and being taller and prouder as well. It’s a positive energetic circle that empowers all within it and truly makes the world a better place.

Apologizing for things beyond our control is a nasty habit that we have to kick if we want to find true self-confidence and a real sense of empowerment. I am not there yet, but I am sure as heck working on it! I consider that to be enough for now. Someday I will stop starting phone calls with an “I’m sorry.”

We can stand in our power without being unpleasant, it just takes some practice. Part of being a strong, confident person is owning our story. So, own your story. Be powerful. Stop apologizing!

The other day, I was running late for a meeting, and feeling frazzled and rushed, and my mom called. She has the best timing for this. I swear, she talks to my voicemail more often than me, because she always seems to know when I am the busiest I can possibly be, and makes sure to call me right then! I missed the call, and immediately called her back, despite the rush, to see what was going on (you never know, one of these times it may well be more important than just checking up on me.)

What was the very first word out of my mouth, even before hello?

Sorry, mom.

Sorry that I couldn’t jump to the phone as quick as I wanted. Sorry that I made you wait an extra minute or two to talk to me. Sorry.

Then I kind of stopped cold for a minute. What exactly was I sorry for? What on earth did I expect, that she would bite my head off if I didn’t answer on the first ring? She knows I am a busy single mom, and that I return my missed calls as soon as I can after I miss them. So, why did I feel this compulsive need to apologize for not jumping to attention as quickly as I possibly could?

We women all do it; saying “sorry” when things don’t work out the way we expected and we feel bad, when we feel like we made someone wait, when we bumped someone, when we did something stupid. We apologize to the butcher, the banker, and the candlestick maker (okay, maybe not the candlestick maker but you get my point.) We apologize without even thinking about it, without blinking, without considering what we could possibly be sorry about in the situation.

STOP IT!

Stop apologizing — say thank you instead.

We need to take our power back and own our stories. Don’t apologize for everything. Yes, some things require an apology…if we hurt someone, or if we did something terrible. But usually, we find ourselves apologizing for simply being human, and that isn’t okay.

Saying thank you takes your power back, while acknowledging that sometimes we may disappoint or upset the people in our lives. When we are running late, say “thank you for waiting”. When we are not available and an alternative date is arranged, say “thank you for changing the date”. When we need to blow someone off because we just don’t have time to accommodate their request, say “thank you for understanding”. See how easy that was?

I was the absolute worst at this for years. I apologized for everything. If someone even looked a teeny bit upset about anything, I fell all over myself trying to make amends. Even when it wasn’t my fault, even when it had nothing to do with me, I felt the people-pleasing need to smooth it over. My go-to was always an I’m sorry. Every time. I know for a fact I’m not alone, either. Why do so many women do this to themselves?

I believe it comes from women’s instinctive need to always play the peace maker. To always ensure that the family unit is stable (even when it’s obviously not). We make ourselves small in an attempt to help the other person feel big. We don’t realize that it’s not an either/or proposition; we don’t make them smaller when we are bigger, in fact it’s usually the other way around. When we stand tall and proud, the other person responds by feeding off that energy and being taller and prouder as well. It’s a positive energetic circle that empowers all within it and truly makes the world a better place.

Apologizing for things beyond our control is a nasty habit that we have to kick if we want to find true self-confidence and a real sense of empowerment. I am not there yet, but I am sure as heck working on it! I consider that to be enough for now. Someday I will stop starting phone calls with an “I’m sorry.”

We can stand in our power without being unpleasant, it just takes some practice. Part of being a strong, confident person is owning our story. So, own your story. Be powerful. Stop apologizing!

If you want more great content like this, discover the FIVE best in-the-moment strategies for managing stress and calming emotions when life overwhelms you.

These are the exact methods that my private clients use to reduce their stress and anxiety — so they can have less drama and more success and happiness in their daily lives (plus, a few more ideas I spill the beans on!)

Learn more here https://tranquilitysoulspa.com/keys/

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Sherisse Marie

Sherisse Marie

19 Followers

I’m your Personal Transformation Activator. Women come to me when they’re ready to find their inner joy, balance their energies, and unveil their inner light.