Why we need skeletons in our closet.

4 minute read

Have you ever heard the term “skeletons in your closet?” What does it mean? According to Wikipedia, “Skeleton in the closet or skeleton in the cupboard is a colloquial phrase and idiom used to describe an undisclosed fact about someone which, if revealed, would have a negative impact on perceptions of the person; it hyperbolically evokes the idea of someone having had a (presumably human) corpse concealed in their home so long that it had decomposed but for its bones.”

Take a few moments to ponder on the following questions:

• Do I have a skeleton in my closet?
• Do I have numerous skeletons in my closet?
• When I think about it or them, how do I feel?
• What would I do if it, or they, were to be made public? (You probably got shivers thinking about that one!)
• Am I currently still adding skeletons to my closet?
• Who else knows about my skeleton? Can I trust them to keep it a secret?

In biology class we all learned that a skeleton has six major functions:

1. Support
2. Movement
3. Protection
4. Production of blood cells
5. Storage of minerals
6. Endocrine regulation

I would like for us to make some real-life analogies with the first three major functions of a biological skeleton to those in our closets.

Support

How does the skeleton in our closet support us? You may rebut “Sherlon, I am sure that if I were to lose the skeleton in my closet I would be standing just right, possibly straighter!” Or would you? How many of us are more grounded because of the secret knowledge of our biggest sins? We are upstanding people in the society because of the many times we have fallen. The skeletons in our closets support our humility and conscientiousness, at least it should.

Sadly, whenever we suppress our skeletons and pretend like they don’t exist, there is little to no support for our humility and conscientiousness. We consequently transform into impolite judgmental people who attempt to drag people down with us to our low unsupported plains. We have an insatiable desire to bring people down to our levels.

Movement

Without skeletons, our muscles are no good to us. Our skeletons allow us to perform a lot of the basic actions, from brushing our teeth, to walking. When our skeletons are damaged, the simplest tasks become herculean. Ever tried tying your shoelace with a sprained index finger or simply scratching your knee when you have a bad back? These basic tasks seem so difficult.

Well, when we don’t have skeletons in our closets, our social movement can be a bit out of touch. We have false senses of reality and come across as unrelatable to the average man with so many skeletons. People who consistently acknowledge their skeletons carry themselves in a different manner. They are more forgiving and better able to tolerate others’ shortcomings. They are a lot less judgmental. Why? Because as they interact with others, they introspect “Just as my skeleton does not define me, it does not define him.” Your skeleton harbors your empathy. You begin to navigate your social surroundings with improved empathy.

Protection

Our skeletons serve as thorns in the flesh that remind us of our mortality and vulnerability. They teach us caution and patience. Life will throw some tough ones at us every now and then. Our skeletons prevent us from being wildly confident. We are humble, conscientious and forgiving, we walk into perilous situations, as gently as doves but wise serpents. We are alert and aware that our actions have consequences.

The skeleton in the closet is not a desirable part of life but rather an inevitable part of it. The skeleton in our closet reminds us that we are not perfect and just like us, everyone errs. Our skeletons do not only represent the mistakes or failures in our lives but more importantly, they represent the guilt, embarrassment and self-deprecation preventing us from being self-assured, nonjudgmental, conscientious people.

The skeleton in the closet is not a desirable part of life but rather an inevitable part of it.

We need skeletons in our closets, not as perpetual catalysts for guilt but as a symbol of our humanity and that of others. We should come together as skeleton owners to encourage, strengthen and motivate one another. And not be hypocrites who seemingly deny the existence of our skeletons and thus our humanity, walking the streets as gods without fault, judging our fellow man with no reservation, although guilty for the same offences.

The owner of the skeleton in the closet is the emotionally intelligent person. You become more self-aware, more empathetic, you practice better self-regulation, your behavior is motivated by a sound understanding of yourself. Finally your social skills are tuned to meet the needs of the people you perceive to be just as mortal and vulnerable as you are.

7 Tips for dealing with the after-effects of your skeletons

1. Own your decisions. If you do the crime you may have to do the time. Denial is not cool, and repression is unhealthy. Don’t play the blame game.
2. Remember it gets better. One day you may be laughing at this.
3. Where possible, talk to someone you trust. Venting always helps. Your person should be a very good listener, trustworthy, confidential, mature and objective.
4. Remove yourself from the situation, actively work to change habits, bad habits are just that, bad! Change your company if you must.
5. Do not let criticism get to you. Most critics are posers. Don’t hold it against them, they simply don’t know how to cope with their own skeletons. Take the high road. Always listen for useful nuggets.
6. Skeletons are in the closet for a reason, don’t publicize what should be private (at least not outside your quality/trust circle).
7. Pray about it. Heartfelt introspection always helps.

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