Could FEAR be what is stopping you?

How often do you let fear stand in your way? Are you even aware of how many times fear has stopped you from achieving your dreams and goals? Why are we so afraid in the first place? After all, CNN reported we are only born with two fears, the fear of falling and the fear of loud noises.
While we may not all fear the same things, it is unlikely the only things we still fear include falling and the sound of loud noises. Some fear public speaking, others are afraid to go to the movies by themselves. Fear often creeps in when it’s time to ask for a raise or approach someone for a date. Then there is the fear of not having enough money, getting sick, or being robbed. The list is much longer than this article permits, but hopefully you get the point.
So what is it about fear that is so inhibiting? Why does this behavioral mechanism that was designed to protect us during a fight or flight scenario keep us from things we really want?
To begin with, we have accumulated numerous experiences since we were born. We have also had the opportunity to witness others’ ups and downs, formed our own perceptions of reality, which may or may not be accurate, and developed a set of beliefs we hold as the truth. In doing so, we have convinced ourselves some things should be feared. Yet, if we dissect our fears, it is likely we will be able to see most, if not all of our concerns are really only a reality in our own mind.

For example, let’s say you fear public speaking. Your heart begins to race at just the thought of standing in front of a large group of people. When you look out at the crowd your palms begin to sweat. Then they start to tremble. Your breathing changes and you now feel nauseous. But why? What is the worst thing that can happen? What is the likelihood people will actually start booing you off stage even if your speech is terrible? Have you ever seen anyone give a talk and have tomatoes thrown at them? No one is going to let loose a pack of Pit Bulls to attack you. You are not being asked to stand in the middle of a lightning storm. The stage does not have some trap door you’re going to fall through into nowhere land.
Even if your presentations is horrible, what is the worst that will happen? People may start to tune you out and look at their cell phones. Some may begin to converse with those sitting next to them. Others may get up and walk out. But is any of this really that devastating? We’ve all heard bad speeches before. We’ve all heard good ones. For some it’s a strength and for others it’s a weakness. In either event, it’s not life-threatening and shouldn’t prohibit you from progressing forward in life.
The same is true of so many other things we fear. We build up this notion that others will make fun of us, or we will be seen as a failure. Do we fear being made fun of because we laugh at others who don’t always live up to our expectations or perform perfectly? If so, maybe it is time to practice being more accepting and less judgmental. Do we see failure as an end all? If so, why? Everyone fails. Failure is how you come to succeed. No one is perfect at everything, and especially not the first time attempting something. Look back to when you first learned how to ride a bike. Were you smooth sailing on the first try? When you learned to walk, did you never fall? Have you really never burned anything in the kitchen practicing your culinary skills? Failure is a requirement of learning. Therefore, it should not be seen as a negative, but rather as a stepping stone to something greater.
We all have the ability to look backwards and see the growth we have made. Our communication skills improve. We become more business savvy. We evolve emotionally. The list can continue for virtually every area of our life.
Therefore, if your goal is to move forward, if your internal desires have not yet been achieved, perhaps it is time to look at what may be stopping you. A good starting point is to identify the roadblocks or things you fear most and then create a list of the worst possible scenarios.
Let’s say you have held off sharing a new idea with your boss out of fear she will think it is stupid. What is the worst possible scenario? She fires you? In reality how likely is this? What else may happen? She laughs in your face? Tells you how stupid you are? Sends it by email to all of your co-workers? Again, how likely are any of these scenes to actually play out? And even if one of them is a possibility, it may be time to question the type of person you are working for.
Now let’s look at the flip side. She loves your idea and asks you to take it on and places you in charge as the project leader (promotion!). She may advise you as to why it is not suitable, which gives you an opportunity to learn more about the company while also showing her you have a vested interest in helping the organization grow. She could ask you to develop a more official report so she can share it with her boss (provides an opportunity for you to be seen by the higher ups). Or maybe she says she needs to think about it. Again, even if nothing ever comes of it, it shows your commitment to the company and demonstrates your interest in helping the organization move forward.
Many of our fears are based on rejection. Rejection is merely a feeling we have acquired that often limits us in our forward progression. However, the rejection we feel as the result of ideas, pitches, speeches, and such, should not be taken personally. Just because someone does not like the concept you present or the message you share, does not mean you are not liked. Ask any salesperson. Selling a product or service comes with many rejections. At first it can be challenging to differentiate what is being rejected, but as time progresses, any good salesperson comes to realize that even though someone may not buy the product being sold, it does not mean he is any less of a person.
At the same time, while it would be nice for everyone to like everyone else, this is not yet a reality. However, the more accepting we learn to become of others, including their weaknesses and quirky personalities, the more we begin to become accepting of ourselves. In doing so, our fears begin to reside as we realize, someone laughing at us or talking negatively about us behind our back is not so much our problem as it is their lack of maturity and simple-minded behavior.
We are all on a journey through life. Ideally we take the time to assess our fears and dig a little deeper into what it is we are really afraid of. There is a good chance we have developed a set of fears with little evidence of their reality. We may not even know what they are founded on. Therefore, the next time you find yourself stopping before you start, ask yourself what is the worst thing that could possibly happen if you proceed forward. Most likely you will find it is really not that bad, or the odds of whatever you fear actually happening are so minimal that the potential rewards far outweigh any negative experience you may face.
Mark Twain is often quoted for saying, “Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.”

Most of us can probably recall a time we wished we had not been so afraid to take action. If only our lives were like a movie, where we could see the outcome of two different actions. One of holding back out of fear and the other of embracing the unknown like honey badger, the world’s most fearless animal. Chances are the outcome of taking action will lead to a much more fulfilling and prosperous reality than holding back and allowing fear to squash your dreams and goals.
The best part is, as with everything else, the more you practice, the better you become. It is not a grueling process to stop and identify the negative consequences that are real and those we have merely conceived in our mind. Nor is it overly time consuming to identify the potential gains.
Taking action may lead to inspiring others, meeting your soulmate, or landing your dream job. It will also help you begin to build confidence to face future fears. With a little practice, hopefully you will not be looking back 20 years from now and wishing you had taken advantage of opportunities you once talked yourself out of. Because in the end, it is your life. It is your reality, and if you go about living it for someone else you are likely to miss out on what you were destined to achieve.
