Dainty Jewelry is a Lie

It seems as if I’ve have finally recovered from my $30 Godiva incident* with a one-two jewelry punch this week, having scored a dark blue collar necklace that’s equal parts Cleopatra and Lil Mama for $7 at Pitaya and then, stackable rings galore (8 in total for $4) at an Icing store on its last legs.

You might be thinking “Hold up, Pitaya”? As in the Free People knock off store? As in that store that refuses to let chevron die? As in where I went to buy Going Out Tops™ at U of I/OSU/U of M/Wisconsin?

YES THAT ONE. THAT PITAYA. In a move that has made me seem exceedingly less judgmental, I’ve trained myself to simply ignore chevron patterns without angrily stomping out of the store. Such disciplined training came in handy as I automatically spotted a dark blue, chunky necklace that so far has worked so far with every black top I own and a couple of sweater dresses. For $7, that little game changer was mine, baby, all mine!

A week later, the holidays brought my mom and I to our local mall; as we walked around trying on various lotions and splitting an Auntie Anne’s pretzel (I don’t recommend this), we immediately spotted a barren Icing store (as in Claire’s “classier” cousin, Icing) with signs in liquidation yellow and going-out-of-business red that read “Everything 75% off.” I knew better than to pass up the opportunity. While I was only slightly tempted to buy a decorative wall hanging that proclaimed “Santa’s not the only one getting lit this season”, I headed straight to the earrings, rings, and sunglasses. Priced at 75% off of 5.25 and 8.25 these stackable rings and dainty midi rings came out to a grand total of $4. And since I’ve never been one to resist the allure of a sunglasses stand, I also bought these classic cat-eyes for $3.75.

And you know what I realized? Expensive dainty, minimalist jewelry is a bold faced lie. Or a bald faced lie? It doesn’t matter because it is both. Do not pass go, and do not buy this $228 ring or even this $25 Silver Staple Stud earring (note: earring singular) from Urban Outfitters; you can either make your own dainty jewelry here or find your own Icing (bonus points if it’s going out of business). You can also always just say eff it, and buy that gaudy-ass grandma necklace you were eyeing originally, since its magical outfit-transforming abilities will give you more bang for your fashion buck.

This week’s shopping goals are to: 1.) make up my mind about Five Below 2.) make New Year’s resolutions based on what I find in the sale section at the Container Store, and 3.) take advantage of post-Christmas H&M. If that sounds like fun, hit me up. Until then, I hope everyone has a festive holiday season and that no one has to resort to buying their relatives bags of Dunkin’ Donuts Coffee because nothing says “I took a radio commercial’s advice” more than bags of Dunkin’ coffee.

*Wherein I spent $30 on 2 chocolate covered strawberries and hot chocolate and couldn’t ask for them to put the strawberries back on account of already having vocally proclaimed to my boyfriend “I’m ballin’ out!”