How eloquently you describe the relationship between my self-destructive coping mechanisms and myself, Heather. It was shocking when I realized the love affair I’ve had with my eating disorders, OCD, addictions, isolation, etc. As I read, I replaced the word “melancholy” with each one of them and was a little sickened to realize I’m not ready to let go of them completely, forever. They are my oldest and best friends. I don’t see them often anymore, but somehow knowing they are there comforts me. Especially the OCD. When I think of giving up some of the more ingrained rituals, the very thought makes me panic and become short of breath. The best I can do is try to avoid them one day at a time, some days with more success than others. Thank you for this revelatory piece. It really touches me, deep down, where I live.