Oh Deborah, my heart breaks reading your story and I can truly relate. While never having been violently raped, on more than one occasion (when I was young), I have been coerced after saying no for hours, under the influence of drugs and alcohol and finally just gave in. I felt like shit afterwards and carried the shame with me for years.
I’m so glad you found a new therapist. I suffer from PTSD, eating disorders and OCD, among other ailments and have had many negative experiences with therapists, as well good ones.
I’ve been blamed for my eating disorders by therapists and even told, “why don’t you just stop? You have all the tools You must enjoy it.” This shamed and humiliated me and it took my best friend to point out that the therapist was just plain mean and she didn’t like the way I was being berated for the very thing I was there to work on.
I’ve learned that if I leave therapy feeling worse about myself than when I walked in, I need a new therapist.
I wish you all the best in your recovery and thank you for being so brave to share your story ❤