Jenn, I am so sorry you feel so bad right now…but you know what? You are a superhero in my book! I have never been through what you have, but I still can’t imagine walking into that court room. You knew it would be tough, but you did it. You made it through. Now it will be nice if he goes to jail, but the important thing is that you faced him and you told the world your truths so you have already won. You can get on with the important work of rebuilding your life, and you get to make all the decisions, be who you want to be from now on. I can’t even begin to tell you how proud I am of you.
A side note on taking someone with you? I’m sorry I didn’t stress that more before… I am usually one of those people who is leaned on, rather than doing the leaning, and so I know it feels awkward to ask. But when I had cancer people were very insistent; and looking back at it, I know that I wouldn’t have made it through without them. And they felt good, because it’s so good to be needed! So going forward as you continue to rebuild your life, do lean on people when you feel the need. You will undoubtedly return the favor from time to time. You have already been such a strong, vital voice to and for survivors just in your short time on Medium; I have no doubt you’ll continue.
Go easy on yourself for the next few days. Buy yourself a candy bar or a little bouquet of flowers, curl up with a good book and veg out. You’ve earned it. You are amazing.