Wow…probably shouldn’t have read all of the threads before responding — so much going on here, and such an interesting conversation!
I’m in too. I am definitely a line crosser, although I have my own lines. If I sense that someone is basically a decent person who needs to get their shit together about racism, I have no problem engaging them. For example, I can do the kindly “Yeah, I didn’t think I had white privilege either, but it’s not what you think” conversation in my sleep. Or, “Has it occurred to you that this is more about socio-economics than race? Have you ever known a middle-class black person to do drive-by shootings?” Or, “How would you feel if…?”
These people are generally middle- to upper-middle-class people like me who have lived most of their lives in their lily-white world and (unconsciously) taken advantage of their white privilege enough that they didn’t see the need to figure it all out. If you take baby steps with them, they’re generally open to progressing. Hell, I still make my own mistakes, coming from this background; every time I think I’m fully woke, I do something stupid that makes me aware of a whole other pocket of privilege. So if I’m not perfect, I should be somewhat sympathetic.
The area where I really struggle is with the hardliners who have thought through their views on race and are very comfortable with their racism. The people who call me a libtard before I’ve hardly opened my mouth. I’m in NC and you’re in VA, so you know who I mean; I didn’t know many people like that up North. You say that white people will talk “openly” with other white people, but there are some huge class — and geography — issues going on that are hard to overcome. I don’t even think about class when I first talk to a person (maybe “middle-class privilege”?), but the hardliners will peg the class differences immediately and dig in; and here in the South, my being a Northerner (albeit here for 25 years) is grounds for suspicion.
My efforts with these folks have been uneven, to say the least. I usually start with respect, but I’ve found myself getting more and more intolerant of pure ugliness. If the most immediate subject is too visceral, for example some of these police shootings, I’m afraid I still lose it at times and rip into someone. I’m trying to work on it and be a better line crosser. One thing I’ve found is that if I call them out early in the conversation and say, “Look — we might not agree but I’ve treated you with respect; if you don’t treat me with the same respect, then this conversation is over,” then they generally do better. It’s all a work in progress, but I do seem to be making them think. When they see that “Love trumps hate” can be applied to them, too.
For me, the most interesting thing about Charlottesville has been how much it’s blown the lid off the conversation. Yes, racism is hardly news to anyone paying attention, but the thin scab of politeness around it (in most situations) has been ripped completely off. I thought that had mostly happened when Trump was elected, and then maybe a little more so at various points since, but the hostility and pitch has grown exponentially just in the past few weeks. The white people who wouldn’t talk freely to white people before, are now happy to taunt. There are people I’ve gotten along with casually through work, kids’ schools, etc., and suspected how they might feel based on their roots, but they never said a single word until now. Now they’re blowing up about peripheral issues on Facebook like confederate statues (never in person, for the reasons noted previously) and they haven’t been the hardliners (or they would have unfriended me by now!), but then their hardliner friends jump in. I suspect having this intermediary “friend” has made both side more open to listening, though. It’s definitely been a consideration in my efforts at self-restraint.
Well, that’s a lot more than I was planning to write at the moment! I look forward to seeing how the discussion continues to develop.
