Safe Harbor
In the summer of 1983 I was 18, My childhood had many difficult moments and also good ones.
But that summer was filled with bad choices violence and God’s saving grace as he saved me over and over again.
I had been working in Laughlin Nevada in the Buffet as a hostess.

I lived with my parents in a house they complained was to expensive at 200.00 a month so we moved back into a 17 foot travel trailer. We had no useable shower, we had to go to the local truck stop to shower.
My bedroom was a pull down bed that hug from the wall above my parents bec, I had very little privacy and my parent fought and beat on each other often.

I was at the trailer one day when my brother showed up, he looked out of his mind as he did often and before I knew what was happening he picked me up by the neck and slammed me against the trailer wall. I tried to fight him off as his hand wander my body, he told me he would kill me and he would have what he wanted and I could not stop him.

By God Grace I have no memory of happened that day and when my parents got back I was in my bed. My mother told me she was concerned because I was in a coma like state for over 48 hours. No one took me to the hospital they just let me lay there.
It’s wasn’t long after my awaking that I ran to a person I had met and gone out with and thought he was kind, I was very wrong I moved in with a man 20 years older and at first it was good and then the jealousy started every time someone looked at me it was my fault. If a crumb was on the floor i got punished. If his shirts and underwear were in the wrong place or folded wrong I got in trouble. His mother came to stay in the little 25 foot camper we lived in and of course he had to show how powerful he was to his mother. She slept less than 6 feet from us as he raped and kicked me in my back, I just laid there and cried.
Time passed and things kept getting harder until one day I tried to cut my wrist but I just could not do it, so I walked out into the desert and prayed for 12 hours I was on my knees hoping that I would just die.
So when dark came I walked back and was punished for being stupid.
My mother had told me my brother the one that raped me was leaving for the Navy.

I started drinking what Ron had in his cabinet a bottle of wild turkey. It wasn’t because I was going to miss my brother I think it was because he always got what he wanted no matter how many people he hurt.

I had gotten into the tub and was very tipsy when all of a sudden my brother was standing over me,he had let himself into the trailer. He was started telling me what a good tan I had and again I had no control as he picked me up and slammed me against the bathroom wall and started kissing me and raping me. I punched him in the face and he must have knocked me out because I woke up in the bed.
I didn’t tell any one and especially not Ron as he would have blamed me and maybe killed me.
I guess remorse in some way made it to my brother heart and God used it, because a minister showed up at the trailer. Ron and I laid on the bed as pastor Arbor kept knocking and saying my name. Ron put his hand over my mouth and told me to be quiet. When Pastor Arbor left Ron told me if my family sent him he wanted me gone.
Something changed in me at that moment.
I met up with my Mom and got a suitcase, I told her what had happened and that I was leaving.
When Ron got home he saw the bag and ask me what they were for ??

I said you told me if my family was involved with Paster Arbor coming over
Then you wanted me gone.
He had planned on going hunting that day, so his loaded shotgun was laying on the bench, before I could say another word he picked me up by the neck and slammed me against the wall as I hung lp like a rag doll chocking he had his shotgun in his other hand he was screaming and before I knew it i had the taste of the metal barrel in my mouth. His hands began to tremble and I could see in his face fear of what he wanted to do and that was killed me.
He dropped me and sat back on the bench and a voice rang out in my head that said treat him gently and with words that do not anger him.
God gave me an opportunity to get free.
Ron tried to put me up in a place close to him and I knew I would just be a booty call and soon be back in his grips. I told him I want to leave and I wasn’t wise in the place I went as I again ran.

I ended up in New Orleans living with my brother and his wife.
My brother never tried to rape me again as he had moved on to his wife 16 year old niece.
It was difficult living with them they had rules and twisted values, but they did go to church and I got to go.

I made lots of mistakes I was drinking and running wild trying to find love or something that made me feel whole. My parents had came all the way from Kingman Arizona to visit and was staying in a state park 40 minutes away. My folks wanted me to come and stay with them and I did . It was hard because I worked an hour away, I got up one morning at 4 am to take my motorcycle to the gym and then work and being Louisiana the rain poured down in buckets. Sadly I wasn’t dressed to ride as I was wearing gym shorts when I lost control of motorcycle and crashed.

I didn’t break bones but from my waist down I lost 80% of my skin as I stood there in shock with blood tricking down my limbs a truck pulled up to offer help and the guy was shocked to see a girl.

He ask me what could he do to help me! All I think to say was could you call the park my parents are in and could I have his coffee to settle my nerves. He did as I ask and soon an ambulance showed up, I could not afford it so I rejected there services and my folks took me to the hospital. I was very lucky and had no major injury.
But because of what happened to me my parents told me I had to return to Kingman with them.
They took me to my job and my boss was like yes she is a nice girl and doesn’t need to be living in a city like New Orleans.

If only he knew what he said because I gave up, he had no idea how hat I was going back to.
I fell into a state of hopelessness and allowed myself to be broken and abused on the cross county journey. We lived in horrid conditions no heat or water or sewer. Moving from swap meet to swap meet so my parents could sell junk and make some money. By the time we made it to parker Arizona the temperature of emotions had risen and was volatile and being 115 degrees didn’t help. They fought and hit and screamed vulgarities at each other. I had to beg for $2.00 to bath and I felt so ashamed to be dirty and smell.
I snapped and found myself yelling at my Mom and then God enter in, I felt his presence.

As I walked the street going from homeless in a crappy little camper to being homeless on the street, I cried out to God for help
So I thought maybe I can get a job so I went to a singing telegram job, behind the counter was two young men. When I ask about the job they said it had been filled but they had another position open.
They wanted me to come into the back and strip for them so I could be a stripper on the reservation and other parties, you could see the evil hunger in there eyes.

I got so made and began yelling at them and stormed out. As I walked downtown the street I prayed and talked to God and a long came a elderly man in his 70s he was dressed very nice and driving a new convertible.
He said I looked sad and he could help by giving me a lift. Again the Devil showed up and another test,I so wanted a different life.

The conversation started off pleasant and innocent as he told me about his late in life twin daughters that were just 3 years younger than I was.

I was now 19.
But then he hit me with how much would it cost to have sex with me. I got angry and yelled at him how dare he ask, he has daughters not much younger than I. How would he like a man like him approaching his girls and I told him to stop the car
He said he would give me money just to help me and that he was sorry. I told him I wanted nothing from him.
As I walked my heart cried out and that when I saw hope in the distance. A cross peeked out over the top of houses and I followed it until I came up on a church. I could not go in as the door were locked, but I felt safe laying on the steps beneath the cross as I laid my life down that day and slept in peace for the first time in years. Someone from the neighborhood and a member of the church called the priest.
I woke to a kind voice not demanding answers only offering a safe harbor to rest and gather my thoughts as to what God wanted next.
He put me up in a motel and gave me food money and I know he prayed for me as I felt a shift happen in my life. I got a hold of my sister and ask if she could help? She agreed to let me stay with her and her family. I went back to my parents filled a suitcase and sold my Motorcycle for 250.00 that allowed me a bus ticket and food going to San Diego.
The Devil had plans to break me and God had plans to save me.
I got on the bus to San Diego and found my mind was still and my body numb. It was just after New Year’s and the bus was full of Military men going back to base. I didn’t know that the devil had started a bet on what man was going to harm me and then God put a warrior in to guard me.
As I sat there starring into the dark night a young man name Zane ask if he could sit beside me, I nodded ok!
He told me to not be afraid and began to tell me that the guys he was traveling with stated plays a game to see who was going to get with me and he told me that they were going to harm me.
He said because he had to live with them he needed to save face ,but also do what God called him to do. He says d God allowed him to win.
As we talked he showed me his family photos and the picture of his fiance. He was a gentleman and talked to me about God. I still pray for Zane and his family and share what integrity looks like.
When we made it to San Diego every one kinda disappeared or so I thought. Zane was still watching out over me, I went to call my sister and found out her son in law had committed suicide and they were on the way to Redding. She had made arrangements for me to stay with a friend of hers from church ..all I could think was do I have enough money for a cab. Zane must have seen the list look on my face. He was soon by my side asking if I was ok. I told him what had happened and soon he offered me a ride with his family.
He said when they show up he would let me meet them all. He lived with them and on base, God provides he did and said the truth and how refreshing it felt. And what a miracle he took me to the address Sandy gave and being a city the size of San Diego he and his family lives in the same come, that’s a miracle. I never saw him again, God bless me with a person of integrity and wisdom.
My sister showed up the next day as she said and we went back to there apartment. It was a low income projects apartment.
She and my brother set an expectation of my requirement to live with them. I had to work that was a given and to give them 50.00 dollars a week and I also had to work with my brother in-law.
The apartment was small only two bedrooms and I could have slept in the room with her 10 and 13 year old, but it smelled so bad of urine. He youngest still wet the bed. And I really need some space. So right off the bathroom was a closet that was 5 feet wide by maybe 7 foot long. I got a mattress and put on the floors or and I put up curtains for privacy . I then went and got a job at Furs Carreterria. I was so in appreciation of having a safe place to live. I tried ways to bring in more money as Bob really had a hard time making money. I went to a model interview they wanted sports wear models and I was young. It ended up being a trap. Bad bad men I ran out I am guessing they had a camera in my changing room becaus he called my job threading to show my family. I told him do it because I didn’t do anything wrong he had. I changed jobs and started working for Yum Yum Donuts from 6 pm to Midnight and then took a second job working Monday thru Friday 9am to 5 pm. And I also worked some Saturdays with My brother in-law. I guess the guys that worked at the pizza place next door was trying to get the nerve to meet me. So Scott Earnsbarger came and ask if
We could trade pizza for donuts. The all were tire of pizza and I was tired of donuts. So I asky boss and then began the nightly pizza and donut swap.
I took pizza and donuts home almost every night.
Bob loved it and so did the kids.

As the months past things seemed to spiral for Bob, he wasn’t emotionally doing well and her daughter were getting into trouble. So she ask if I wanted to move with her. She remembered good things about her time in Colorado so we prayed and she said to close my eyes and let my finger land on a town. It landed on sterling Colorado
We didn’t have much to move with so she gathered what she could and got us busy tickets to Leadville Colorado. Her husband was in a bipolar high and did not want to leave, he rented a room in a trailer with a elderly lady. So his family left on a unknown journey on faith that God had better for her and her family and that I could find my place.
When we got to Leadville our older sister Jonet owned a small home there. We stayed with her until it became aware we were not welcomed.
Jonet spoke what she thought was her truth and kept attacking Sandy and belittling her and she teased me like I was going to attack her husband and 16 year old son. It got so bad we put some clothes into backpacks and left. We had no money for a bus or food as Sandy worked to get us a bus ticket I crawled into the dumpster at the Circle K In Leadville and it was like God had placed it there for us, one can of potted meat and a loaf of bread, praise God we had lunch for the girls.
I remember Sandy reaching out to travelers aid for help with a bus ticket to Sterling. She knew she had money in sterling. Her 13 year olds father was much older and had passed away and her daughter got his Social security of 400.00 a month until she turned 18. Travelers aid did not want to aid a family traveling to a town that did not have family meeting them.. in the end we did get assurance and bus fare to Denver. When we got to Denver we again had no funds or transportation to Sterling. We searched out night shelters and day shelters. We sold the jewelry we both had to buy food for the day. We did finally find a day shelter
With some kind Godly black ladies, Sandy said it was the best smelling fri d chicken ever, we later found a night shelter ran by the Catholic Church.
The rule was you had to work and eran your way out. They had decided to have both Sandy and I go to work at the same time. Sandy told them we could not do that because of her two girls and they seemed to not care. So then they said if you both don’t go then your sister has to and Because it was five points and I would have been alone she said I could not do it and we got kicked out and ended up walking from five points in Denver to the Tomahawk truck stop on 120th and Colorado 2
It was a long distance to walk two young girls.
When we made it there Sandy ask the cashier if she could leave a note for family in need at the registry. We say and we prayed and soon a kind man about 35 ask us if we wanted a lift to Sterling because he was going that way.
The girls and I sat in back and I listen to Sandy and the truck driver talk. He said he did what he did because he had a family and hoped that someone would help them. That has always been my belief
To help.
When we made it to Sterling we thanked him and he went on his way. Because it was evening we reached out to the Police dept asking if they had a shelter and they put us up in a local motel, the next day we went to the post office and got her daughters social security check. We then found a two bedroom trailer for 175.00 and rented it.
The following Sunday we found the first four square church and went to celebrate God and be praiseful for what he had given. The churches pastor was welcoming and showed up at the trailer with food,clothing and bedding and a heart of love he and his wife Sandy were kind and helpful. Between the church and what was in the trailer we had beds and a table.
With I. A few days I had a job at Sterling regional med center. Sandy felt depressed because she could not get hired and we both relaxed she had a journey to take, she had to get her husband.
He has as I. A bipolar high and not thinking in a state of good reasoning.
So while she was gone I watched the girls and worked, it was only a couple days that she was gone. When she got back a job arriv d for her and now we both worked.
Getting to work was a challenge I didn’t have my first check yet so for a few weeks I had to trust a pen watch. I had a writing pen that had a small clock but no alarm. So work was about 2 1/2 miles one way..I would wake myself up on the hour
To Make sure I made it to work by 4:30 am.
It was scary even in sterling at 3:30 am walking alone. Sandy needed the car and it was my place to get there. I was honored to have purpose and a home and even started singing my check over to her to ensure everything got paid. He husband was unable to work for sometime.
I think I lived with Sandy and Bob for 9 months until I knew it was time to break way and find my path outside of her family but find mind.
We both taught at church and had so many wonderful miracles happen.
The journey as a young woman and dating was as many difficult and many only thing with there skin.
I finally reached a place that I stopped dating and ask God to bring me a husband.
On Dec 23rd 1986 I went to wizards arcade to just play pool by myself and to clear my mind. The owner Richard kenemen had met me that night and he knew Jeff and his family well and ever did business with Jeff’s Dad. Mr Kenemen told Jeff he thought I was pretty and nice much better than the girl Jeff was playing pool with, and I guess Jeff agreed. He challenged me to play pool andwe did and I did not introduce myself I said thank you and
Then I came back on the 24th Christmas Eve and we played pool I thanked him and left. Christmas day I had hosted my first Ever Christmas dinner so I had all kinds of pie and food at my apartment.
I decided to go play pool and Yep there was waiting and we play pool. Just before he left I smiled and told him my name and ask if he wanted to have pie and coffee. We went back to my place and of course all kind of flutterment. Went through his and my heart. He said he almost left because he lelt I wasn’t real because I talked about church and family. He says d I didn’t seem like a real girl being a real girl did not work for me I wanted different , I hungered for a new inheritance.
He says d he felt like God had glued him to his seat. We had arranged a coffee date for the next day and Missed it due to a family issue. So he was angry and was going to tell me off. I had no phone to no address to go to all I had was the hope he would be at the arcade so I could tell him what happened and apologize. I walked in and he was not there yet so I waited. When he walked in he was filled with anger and he said he was going to ha e words with me until I turned around and smiled. He said his heart melted and from that point we spent every moment together .
He often drove me to work and about two weeks later I told him we were getting married, he laughed and said you think so,6 months later we said I do before God and family.
We have had 36 years of joys ,trials and many miracles. That’s a story for another day.