It’s been a long time. I’m sorry for letting it get to this point.
I know you’ve had a long day — a bad one at that too.
You feel alone. You feel afraid. Your flame has died. Your world’s gone dark.
The word ‘happiness’ seems to be one that people simply use to convince themselves that they can take on the universe in a fist fight. I think I know this feeling all too well, even though the severity of our burdens may differ. So I write this letter to you. I hope you understand.
I hope we can help each other out.
Whether you believe me or not, I’ve, at times, been broken a human being. I have a tendency to overthink. It’s made me vulnerable to the slightest triggers- ones slight enough to lead me into the land of supernumerary sorrows. That’s when I become bad. I begin to feel like I have no friends. I begin to feel alone. Someone could step in front of me and give me a million reasons to be happy- yet I wouldn’t comply. I don’t believe that anyone could understand the pain. That’s when the panic starts to take over. The worst part is when you let it in. A feeling that you and I might find mutual.
Why is life set to be like this? Why is it so easy to fall, but so difficult to get up? Maybe it’s because gravity has an effect on our minds as well. I know that in my case, I expect too much out of people. A lack of a response to a message is enough to bring me down. But realising this has helped me find the centre of my pain and that there is only one person I can blame for my falls. Myself.
In light of this, I think what gets us down most of the time is the assumption of why our ‘friends’ and ‘families’ do what they do when it comes to us being hurt. Maybe they do it on purpose.Maybe their insecurities come off as neglect. Maybe they’re battling their own issues and just lashing out at us to regain some control within their own minds. You feel this pain and sadness as involuntary consequences of your human nature. However, it doesn’t make you weak. Instead, it gives you the opportunity to learn to control your emotions. To rise above the darkness is to convince yourself that you’re strong enough to do so. After all, no one really got anywhere by simply sitting still and expecting their problems to just blown away with the wind.
Sometimes, the world seems to be changing too fast for us to keep our feet firmly placed on the ground. Within the span of a clock-tick, moments become memories, friends become strangers and home becomes a prison. I think that it is when we are unprepared to face these changes that we get a knock on our doors. Who’s there? Oh it’s that bastard, Anguish. He asks you to let him in. And why wouldn’t you? You’ve already pushed aside everyone who cares for you and wants to help you off your cross. You’ve built a wall in front of them. You’ve failed to appreciate them time and time again. And that’s when Anguish wins. That’s when your mind becomes a leper.
The most devastating part of it isn’t the fall, though. It’s where the fall will take you- the bottom of a pit where you won’t be able to climb out of nor call out for help from. It’s guarded by Anguish’s best friend, Fear. Fear knows how to control you. He makes you fear to trust. He makes you fear to love. He brain-washes you into thinking that you can’t leave; that you’re too weak; that even if you do climb out, Anguish would just as easily bring you back. Fuck that.
I’m sorry, friend, for taking a dark turn in this letter. As I’ve said, I too am broken most of the time. Happiness is a rare privilege. But please don’t go away because of this. There always needs to be darkness at the start for someone to need to turn on a light. I promised to help you and that’s a promise I’ll hold until I die. I will now go turn on the light.
Contrary to popular belief, I want you to understand that Happiness does really exist. Despite what you think about your life, there are moments where we’ve all experienced it, regardless of how long. Happiness comes and goes whenever she can. It’s just that her road is often blocked by minions of the dark. And I’m not lying. I’ve met her. I’ve felt her warmth. I’ve received her solace. It’s beautiful.
I know it’s hard, dear friend, to find her, so I want you to just think of everything positive in your life. I know it’s hard, but I feel that our biggest problems are that we fail to see the light in front of us and instead focus on the what lurks behind in the shadows. We all have friends, family, someone we can talk to. We have love in our lives, whether its romantic or not in nature. I want you to know that you are loved and appreciated. I want you to know that you’re not in this journey alone.
It’s at this point that you should look back and see all that you’ve accomplished so far. You have the right to look back and think of your victories and how that made you feel. Your capabilities are beyond your mental scope. I know that much. I know that I’m not the only one either.
I also want you to know that YOU deserve happiness, even though you might seem to still think that it’s not meant to be. I know that I sound cliché but I honestly do believe that you are beautiful human being. I wouldn’t tell you that if it weren’t true; I don’t like to waste my time. I also know that you will make a change in this world, whether you want to become a doctor, director, architect or even an engineer. Just don’t let people tell you what you can or cannot do. Not even me. Follow your passion. See, I like to believe in people and not to be cocky, but when I believe in things, they often come true. I’m rooting for you until the end of the line.
So if you think you’re alone right now, don’t worry. There are so many people who have you in their thoughts. People who might be just as insecure as you are to tell you how they feel.
If you’re sad right now, don’t worry. Happiness is on her way. I’ll help you find her.
If you don’t feel loved right now, don’t worry. Keep spreading your love in anyway you can. See, love has a boomerang effect at times. You spread it, and it’ll come back to you. No love you give is ever wasted.
So wherever you’re reading from, whether I know you behind this screen or not, I want you to know that no matter what flaw’s you think you have, there are people who don’t see them that way. I’m not a good person and you may not need me in your life, but I will still promise to be your friend. I promise to be there whenever I can. My phone will always be on. My door will always be open. Unless I’m asleep. Yes, that was a joke. I needed to lighten the mood. Because in a world filled with so much anger, hate and sadness, the simplest thing for anyone to do is spread a little bit of love in anyway they can.
And now, we’ve reached the end of this narration, dear friend. I know that it might be beyond my strength to have completely rid you of your turmoil but I hope that I have helped you in some way. All I ask is that you stay positive in whatever you do. After all, I don’t like seeing you being entrapped by Anguish. You are my friend. I love you. And you matter to me.