The Truth & Reality of Being a Panhanlder (Perpetual Shame and Absence of Safety)
…Society holds a (somewhat) reasonably negative view of panhandlers. The homeless folk, part of the one third of human beings who are struggling with addictions, and are probably hiding at least two diagnose-able mental illnesses (some hide it better than others).
I want to present to you this scenario, and I would be grateful if you would please provide me with your opinion here; be it philosophical, moral or sheerly whatever:
You see a young(ish) male in his thirties is holding a cardboard sign, which reads, in bold black & red marker (hinting at effort) that he is homeless (actually, the term unhoused is preferred, to be politically correct), he is in “Recovery,” (almost guarenteed to mean that a doctor is prescribing them Suboxone), and relying on the kindness of anonymous vehicular passerbys, which realistically, is simply not felt whatsoever by nine out of ten commuters. Incidentally, in its place, is heavily projected (and sometimes shouted) scorn and shame.
There would be no way to know that this indivual survived a startlimg number of Fentanyl overdoses, accumulating to double digits…Some of which were not accidental. They were rock-bottom attempts to flee the burdons felt and the parasitic melancholy associated with being homeless; this calamity is inevitable and often all-consuming.
BUT…This Guy who so obviously needs a shave, is, in fact employed, however he is currently granted a meager 10–15 hours a week, after his employer intutively witnessed the anxiety, self-doubt and tension exhibited by this man during the initial 14 days post-hire. Re-entering the workforce after a lengthy absence may pose challenges, but it is the (ansd, surprisingly, he had never contemplated this prior…) emotions felt (felt hard) from RE-ENTERING SOCIETY on the whole, and having to present oneself according to social norms, behaviors and views, whilst experiencing an overwelming sense of inferiority and unspoken judgments by those crossing their energy fields. At first, it feels quite alien. You remember that your life once resembled something like this…except, after a 12:30am clock-out, ““Going home” involves quietly sneaking back to an illegal tentsite, pushing back thoughts of the bedrooms occupied by coworkers. Should the Individual be transparent about this life, or hide it to preserve reputation?
So why is this man, who appears physically fit enough for labor, lackadaisically occupying a 3x3 plot of land, the ownership of which is generally unknown, and uncontemplated. It may be that he is strongly craving a pack of cigarettes, a habit acquired oh so long ago, and passionately shunned by Upper-Middle class women aged 50–65. Or, maybe, he is helplessly agonized by a medically diagnosed Social anxiety and/or Generalized Anxiety Disorder that is running rampant within his head, and a bit of alcohol could temporarily lessen his silent suffering. Maybe it’s a week before food stamps, and the idea of a high quality meal is on his mind (oh the pain of desire…)
Please inquire of yourself: do you look down upon (or, as I have heard in Augusta, even HATE) his individual for standing invasively on that median, praying for some Federal Reserve notes to be provided by someone proportionally more fortunate? Or is there even a fractional level of Empathy of human Compassion within your soul, to see beyond the material facade, and recognize the loop of Pain and emotional Suffering that is imposed unto the poverty-stricken and homeless communities?
TO FLY A SIGN (panhandle)…REQUIRES the following:
-One must understand, and deeply feel the shame of this activity, and then must COMPARTMENTALIZE those feelings, and…
-Embrace STOICISM. The requirement to possess the strength needed to accept The situation. It IS what it IS….This is a possible source to obtain one’s basic needs.
-Hold, and preemptively accept, in the back of the mind, the very real potentiality that tonight’s bed may be outside, lacking bedding, warmth, and….
- Experience, ever so strongly, a perpetual feeling of ENVIRONMENTAL UNSAFETY. This reality will EAT away at your SOUL. The experience of FEAR that pierces the veil of reality lingers deep within your mind, slowly contaminating and spawing a massive dose of Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. This is what will eat away at someone, long after they obtain housing and support. Therapy may be authentically life saving, years from now.
Last but not least, I admit that I pertain such intimate knowledge and understanding of this poverty-class struggle, because I am, in fact, writing about MYSELF.
-Thank you for reading!
-”Shevvy” B. Raccoon
