Understanding Dysfunctional Family- Dysfunctional Family Symptoms, Impact and Coping Strategies
Hello to all who’ve landed on this page.
I am going to write about a topic that has touched almost many of us but is yet kept behind the doors. Why? Because everyone wants to be happy and pretend to be okay with a ‘Perfect and happy family’ in this already not-so-real world and suffer in silence. I am talking about what it is like being in a dysfunctional family.
Family is the happy place for all, where we get love, support and warmth from our loved ones. But is this the same for all? I guess for some, it’s not. We don’t have the freedom to choose our home members the way we get to choose our friends. So there will be room for disagreement and conflicts be they mild or severe. But at times, the situation gets so chronic and severe that dysfunctional family dynamics may go unnoticed in the everyday lives of individuals raised in such environments. Doing nothing for one’s physical and mental well-being can lead to depression, anxiety, low self-esteem etc that can last for the long term.
Let’s delve deeper into understanding — what a dysfunctional family is, its symptoms and possible outcomes and how to cope:
Dysfunctional family in a nutshell:
The concept itself is deeply personal and varies based on individual emotions. Everyone has their perspectives on what constitutes a functional family. The term ‘dysfunctional family’ is commonly used in various cultures and can encompass a range of situations, from single-parent households to instances of physical and sexual abuse.
According to the American Psychological Association, a dysfunctional family is characterized by impaired relationships or communication that hinders family members from achieving closeness and self-expression. While all families may go through challenging times, dysfunctional family units typically experience prolonged periods of various conflicts which involve issues such as sexual or physical abuse, behavioural problems, significant personality disorders, emotional abuse, substance abuse, and violence.
Did you know?
WHO estimates that 1 billion children ages 2–17 have experienced violence of one kind or another, most of which is perpetrated within the home environment. [1]
Signs and symptoms of a Dysfunctional family:
The conflicts and toxicity in a relationship can worsen with time if left unnoticed and it may take a toll on the surroundings. Therefore, it is pivotal to identify the dysfunctionalities in a family with these common signs and symptoms.
Lack of communication:
Communication is the key to resolving any level of dispute, mild or severe. Insufficient and lack of open communication in families leads to misunderstandings and lingering resentment. This causes more yelling and shouting, blaming each other instead of having a genuine open conversation, understanding the plight of all sides and coming to a resolution. Effective communication plays a vital role in fostering healthy relationships within a family.
Being emotionally unavailable:
Children or any family member for that matter need emotional support. After dealing with all kinds of outdoor hassles, home is the place where all come together and share day-to-day happenings. However, the lack of empathy and emotional support within a family can lead to more bitterness and can cause mental breakdown. Every family member plays an active role in continuing the dysfunction, with children being at the receiving end. Children, especially, struggle to find a safe space to discuss mistakes without facing anger or being truly understood as parents fail to provide the necessary emotional support and warmth.
Abuse:
I believe experiencing abuse in any form be it emotional, verbal, physical, or sexual is no less than facing a massive annihilation. Normalizing or just living with it can have serious repercussions. Specifically, it can damage a child’s neural chemistry which can lead to anxiety, depression, insecurities, and inability to form healthy relationships outside the household. Additionally, children have that inherent nature of grasping their parent’s behavior so facing such a toxic environment in childhood can be perpetuated in further generations.
Invading privacy:
Every human needs privacy as it is something which is ingrained in our DNA. Sometimes even when we are at home, we want to be alone just to explore more about ourselves. There must be boundaries set for us even in a family. Detaching or locking oneself in a private room is totally a different thing and ideally not appreciated since open communication and interaction are also imperative. But people must value other’s privacy and invading it and forcing decisions on other members can be another reason for a family to be dysfunctional.
What are the possible impacts or consequences?
Dealing with a dysfunctional family can be traumatizing as it is not in our hands to make a choice but directly or indirectly, it does have a certain impact on an individual’s growth and behavioral pattern. The constant exposure to conflict and negativity can lead to depression, anxiety and low esteem which can harm an overall well-being.
Fear of abandonment, trust issues, difficulty expressing emotions and inability to form and maintain positive relationships would be some common traits in the affected ones. Some may develop maladaptive coping mechanisms, such as substance abuse, self-harm, or unhealthy eating habits, to deal with stress and emotional pain. Moreover, dysfunctional patterns tend to perpetuate across generations. Without intervention, individuals may struggle to create a healthy family environment for their children.
How to cope or deal with a dysfunctional family?
Finding this answer while being amid a dysfunctional family dynamic is a serious struggle. However, the coping approaches vary depending on whether you’ve managed to escape or are still living with the challenges. For those who have successfully distanced themselves from such toxicity, the primary strategy I believe is to maintain that distance. One must cherish the peace of not dealing with daily turmoil and continue prioritizing their well-being.
For those still living in a dysfunctional environment, whether as a teenager or an adult facing economic constraints, coping can be a complex task. However mental escapes within the home can take various forms, from immersing oneself in practicing self-care or educating, and empowering oneself toward personal growth.
Try these coping strategies to divert the mind from negativity:
Empower Yourself: Read as many books, articles, and resources on family dynamics, communication skills, and emotional intelligence that can provide valuable insights and tools for personal growth.
Self Love is Self-Care: Prioritize self-care activities like exercise, mindfulness, journaling, or engaging in hobbies that promote mental, emotional, and physical well-being.
Build a Support Network: Surrounding oneself with a supportive network of friends, mentors, or support groups can provide a sense of belonging and understanding.
Set Boundaries: Learning to set healthy boundaries is crucial as it helps in recognizing and communicating personal limits to maintain emotional and physical well-being.
Seek Professional Help: Therapy to deal with a dysfunctional family can be a valuable resource for individuals looking to understand and overcome the effects of a dysfunctional family.
It’s important to understand that the dysfunction and the situation you are in is not your fault. The differences within your parents or any family member for that matter are not a reflection of their children’s worth; it doesn’t define one’s destiny. Grow ‘thicker skin’ and when I say this, it means not about accepting blame but about building resilience against the emotional toll of dysfunctional family life. Remember, it’s never too late to embark on the journey of healing and building healthier relationships.
References:
- Lucy Kganyago Mphaphuli (2023) The Impact of Dysfunctional Families on the Mental Health of Children DOI: 10.5772/intechopen.110565
- World Health Organisation. Adolescent Mental Health. Switzerland: World Health Organization Library Cataloguing-in Publication; 2021. Available from: Adolescent mental health (who.int)