Swipe Right On Monogamy
Charlotte Shane
1.3K88

Hi there, You have a typo that could lead to a misunderstanding of your intent- I think the word you’re looking for is severely, not severally. Next to last sentence is also missing a part of speech so is a little unclear.

Loved this article. I became committed to someone before Tinder but definitely exhausted my self-indulgence, as you say, in prior years via local personal ads and brazen in-person introductions. I think you’re spot-on with the children of divorce, a certain era, largely deciding it’s safer to expect nothing and give little. The cultural conversation/analysis as we grow up keeps fascinating me.

When I was in the thick of casual dating, I read a ton of books trying to understand the pursuit/forms of love on a deeper level- first things like Sex at Dawn and The Ethical Slut, then Diane Ackerman’s A Natural History of Love, bell hooks’ All About Love, Erich Fromm’s dated but still valuable The Art of Loving. They all raised my consciousness in terms of my own quest, but this book with a silly title was the best: If the Buddha Dated. Basic instructions in intention, communication and respect which reminded me of so many things I was taught only so briefly, which are rarely reinforced by peers and culture if you’ve taken a purposely adventurous (some may say reckless) turn in life.

Unfortunately I did find those years to be emotionally corrosive. I’ve realized every fantasy I ever had, so I have some great memories/stories, but I still regret the emotional carelessness with which I sometimes treated myself and others. Now, I know some younger women who date on Tinder specifically “for the story of it.” I don’t want to moralize to them, but I don’t think it’s healthy. Of course as you age you’re just glad to be disease-free and in one piece after all the random encounters, and just want those having them to be safe physically and emotionally. Thanks again for your insights.

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