“Stop it. You’re meant to conquer the world. Get out of your apron and put on your dancing shoes. ”

Writing has always been a sort of cathartic experience for me. I’ve lived through some pretty painful moments ( Who hasn’t?) and writing was usually a way to escape reality . Over the years I understood that it wasn’t escaping reality at all , rather exchanging one form of reality for another.

It’s true.

The fictional characters that I created in my head through my teens are more real, than the ones I actually met and interacted with in real life . In fact, these make-believe people with their perfect lives had a greater impact on me than most of the real-world humans of my acquaintance.

I’m not psychotic, though I sound that way. Honestly, most of us know exactly what we want to hear when we’re going through a tough time. It’s inside us: the comfort, solution or whatever you would like to call it. We just expect it to come from somewhere else . It may be from a spouse , or a parent or even a friend. We seldom trust ourselves to heal our own wounds. Instead we look for answers in the face of people who could never understand us the way we do.

When I made the decision to become a stay at home mom, I wasn’t happy. I couldn’t shake the feeling that I was meant to be so much more. I had been a bubbling undergraduate with so much energy and ambition that I went around spouting generic quotes on inspiration, success and happiness like I’d already lived through those phases . I had also looked down on anyone who made stereotypical choices , anyone who refused to rebel and anyone who took the easy way out. Basically anyone who wasn’t me.

Yet, here I was taking the most easy way out. I was marrying a man ( a wonderful man ) who promised to take care of me. He would provide for me and I would raise our children. It wasn’t an impulsive decision but it wasn’t a very well-thought out one either.

Yet, I stuck through the days, weeks and months with a brave face. I was waiting for someone to stop me on the street and say, ‘Stop it! You’re meant to conquer the world. Get out of that apron and put on your dancing shoes !’ .

No one did. I was loved, appreciated and not once was I expected to do more than cook, clean and nurture. I enjoyed the tame , almost hypnotic nature of my life. I lounged about during the day , took care of my baby boy and cooked for my husband.

After a while I started writing again , little fictional stories about imaginary characters. I also dug up my old journals, re-read old entries and enjoyed interacting with my younger self through those pages.

It was only a while back, that I noticed a recurring theme in all my entries. There was always a girl, happy with what she had but yearning for more. She wasn’t unhappy in any way. But she wasn’t content.

Happiness and contentment are two different things. Happiness can be fleeting and temporary, there one minute, gone the next. But true contentment lasts.

Contentment is when your heart says, “ This is it. This is all you need in life.”

So I stood there and realized that I may be happy , but I wasn’t content with the way my life had shaped up. It took a lot of courage but I looked myself in the eye and said firmly, “ This isn’t enough. You deserve to be more.”

Now, I’ve done for myself, what I’d been waiting for others to do for me. I took myself by the shoulder and I said, “ Stop it! You’re meant to conquer the world. Get out of that apron and put on your dancing shoes.”