Post-Valentine’s Day Advice from a Single Person
Why am I even attempting to give advice to single people for Valentine’s Day when I have had virtually no luck for the ladies?
A lot of Christians-and others-needlessly obsess over the perfect spouse, so I figured I’d serve by sharing some advice that I’ve learned over the years…
- Don’t buy into the evangelical arms race. The obsession with Christian marriage is an evangelical phenomenon. I think it’s corny, to be honest. I will be fair-in most conservative Christian colleges and churches, there are lots of people at their sexual peak who must die to themselves. How do they get their relief? In my view, they try way too hard to find the perfect boyfriend or girlfriend, and then spaz out when they graduate from some Christian college and haven’t found the one.
- If you want to rush into a relationship, think about the worst-case scenario. The worst case scenario is this: He or she overlooks obvious red flags only to experience a tragic divorce a half-decade later. Ironically, I don’t see an obsession with this in my experience with the more mainline Methodist or Presbyterian church.
- If you are in an inter-cultural relationship-especially if you are African-American-be prepared to be called a sellout or an Uncle Tom to various degrees. Also, do NOT reside in a rural area. I’m a flaming Christian, and I believe the Bible should come before culture, but I’ve seen that a lot of Christians put their culture before the Bible. If you can’t handle the probing, step away. But know that the Bible does not condemn interracial marriages. The curse of Ham stuff is heresy.
- If you have Autism/ASD, know that you must be prepared to make sacrifices and meet your mate halfway. Some people may even doubt your ability to function in such a relationship, therefore ableism. You have to learn to talk to people. If it’s always have-it-your-way, he/she will leave sooner or later.
- If you are a Christian (or more importantly, a Christian in ministry), don’t shame singles for their singleness. Don’t pressure them to change their singleness. You may actually be screwing them.
- Stop watching pornography. Right now.
- If you are a man, be direct and ask a woman out as soon as you feel butterflies. Don’t be a coward like I was.
- If you are older and single (and autistic persons are likely to fall into this category), you didn’t fail. A relationship with Jesus is the only true thing that won’t fail. A human will always fail you in some way.