Shira Tarantino
Aug 23, 2017 · 6 min read

Hello Donald. It’s time for your six month job review. Let’s go over the guidelines once more, shall we?

The following letter was written and mailed to Donald Trump after the 2016 election. Originally published on Cowbird.com.

November 16, 2016

Dear Mr. President-elect Donald Trump,

Hi. My name is Shira. And I’m your constituent. Now that you’re President-elect, you will be working for me. I am your new boss. And as your boss, I have a list of concerns for you.

I’m not quite sure you even read the job description before you applied for it. From your resume it looks as though you’ve had no experience in public advocacy, which is the main part of your new job. I argued with Human Resources that you must begin as an intern but the guy in HR liked your I-have-no-idea-what-I’m-doing style and for some reason thought you would make a good fit (I argued with him against this emphatically as there was a woman out for this position who was much more qualified than you, but I lost a bet). So let’s go over a few things about your new job before you begin.

First of all, this is a temporary position. It does not turn permanent. You are not emperor. America doesn’t do kings. We rotate chief executives in the event that we might accidentally hire an authoritarian figure or ineffective leader. Also, there is no Christmas bonus. We are an organization of people, not widgets, and must use our funds wisely. Use your own money for luxury items, not the taxpayers’.

Now that you’re here, it’s time for you to roll up your sleeves and get to work. Here is your manual: Its working title is The Constitution of the United States. Please read it thoroughly, as these are the workplace guidelines.

As your boss, I want you to understand that you are now a Public Servant. This means that you serve all the people. You know, like a waiter. You take orders from us. You bring our ideas and concerns to Congress where they marinate, and if we’re lucky, you bring back the laws we ordered and everything is well done and to our liking. This is your basic job as President. If we think you’ve done a good job, we tip you in four years. Otherwise, we fire you.

The working title of your position is President of the United States. Conduct yourself in the workplace with utmost grace. Whether you are communicating with Congress, listening to your constituents, giving interviews, or meeting with heads of state from other countries, please remember that you are representing the people of the United States. All of us. You shall carry yourself with class and treat all others with dignity and respect. Be diplomatic. This means no harassing, no mocking, no bullying. Follow the workplace etiquette of U.S. Presidents of the past. Please do not embarrass us, as this would otherwise be detrimental to our bottom line, our security, and our standing in the world.

As your boss, I am handing you your first orders of business as President. Read thoroughly and consider my short list of demands (there are more; please defer to your other constituents):

America MUST preserve a woman’s right to reproductive choice. Women have every right to make their own medical decisions without being hindered by lawmakers who think they know better than us and our doctors what’s right for us. It states clearly in the manual that moral & religious values do not dictate American law. Removing choice is spitting on the First Amendment, and a slap in the face to women and families everywhere. Dismantling Roe v. Wade and leaving it up to the states to decide is a direct assault on poor, working class women and women of color, as not everyone has the means to travel out of state to get an abortion or other life-saving medical treatments. If women begin hemorrhaging to death because they did not have safe and legal access to a D&C procedure, their blood will be on your hands. I had to have a D&C procedure in 2008 following my miscarriage, and had it not been for Roe v. Wade, I may not have been here today.

Treat and speak to women as equals. Ask for permission before you touch us. Give us the same respect you would a man. We are human beings.

Support LGBTQ rights and keep gay marriage intact. It is discriminatory and unconstitutional to do otherwise. Don’t leave gay marriage up to the states — families shouldn’t have to worry about traveling from state to state and then not get the proper medical care or respect if an emergency should arise.

Demand equal pay for women. Having women make .33 cents for every dollar a man makes for the same work is unjustifiable, groundless, sexist, and unAmerican.

Fight for racial justice by supporting laws that penalize discrimination, stop mass incarceration, end racial profiling, decriminalize poverty, and support programs of inclusivity and diversity. Every American deserves equal opportunity and our laws should reflect this.

Don’t collect tax-payers’ hard-earned money for a wall that will never be built. Use funds more constructively to support a path to citizenship without demoralizing our fellow humans. Separating children from their parents and forcing families to leave loved ones behind is shameful and severely inhumane.

Keep the Affordable Healthcare Act intact. All Americans need access to affordable healthcare — not just the privileged few. If the AHA is dismantled, 20 million Americans lose coverage, and “pre-existing conditions” can be used to deny someone the care they need.

Learn about science and how climate change is adversely affecting the air we breathe, the water we drink, and the crops we grow and eat. Implement laws that protect the environment and support environmental health.

Support public education. Privatizing education only seeks to further distance low income families from the rest of the community. When education suffers, America suffers.

Avoid war at all costs. Every single decision you make should revolve around this theme that is central to peace, security, and freedom. Do everything you can to not put more Americans in harm’s way.

Treat our military generals with respect. Listen to them. Learn from them. They know more than you. Have some humility.

Denounce hate crimes and racism immediately. Stop using divisive language that discriminates against Muslims, Mexicans, and other non-whites or non-Christians. Xenophobic language only incites racist, anti-Semitic violence and exclusionary actions by people who seek to hurt and isolate others in our communities. Look at our country and recognize the connection between your words and Americans’ actions. People are following your lead. Take responsibility. Inspire hope, not hate.

Implement background checks on all guns sold in America. Remove military-style weapons and high-capacity ammunition from our communities and off our streets. Declare gun trafficking a federal crime with strong penalties for straw purchasers. Identify gun violence as a public health crisis. Strike down the law that prohibits the CDC from researching gun violence. 33,000 people die each year from gun violence in America. This is almost exclusively homegrown — not overseas — terrorism.

And remember — the election’s over, so you are no longer the NRA’s lackey.

You’re mine.

On your first full day on the job, January 21, 2017, I’ll be in Washington D.C. at the Lincoln Memorial with some of your other bosses to make sure you start off on the right foot. Get used to us. See you on the hill.

Signed Your Boss,

Shira Tarantino, Constituent

Congressional District 4

Stamford, Connecticut

USA

In Spe Vivunt

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