13 Things Mentally Strong Women Don’t Do

Shirley Berchel
6 min readOct 26, 2023

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13 Things Mentally Strong Women Don’t Do — now that’s a title that grabs your attention. When I initially came across this intriguing book, I couldn’t help but wonder: what kind of women are these, and what can we learn from them? I’m writing this article to share that answer with you.

The book, authored by Amy Morin, may have women as its primary focus, but the principles and behaviors it explores reach far beyond gender. In my view, they offer valuable guidance to anyone, regardless of who you are, seeking to tap into their inner strength, bolster their resilience, and embrace self-empowerment.

Here’s what I’ve learned from it…

1. They don’t compare themselves to other people

Comparing oneself to others is often driven by societal pressure to conform to unrealistic standards. Social media amplifies these pressures, which ultimately erodes self-esteem and contentment.

What to do instead:

  • Reduce the likelihood of comparing yourself to others.
  • Address and transform unfair and exaggerated comparisons through cognitive shifts.
  • Deal with the discomfort you feel when others seem to have more:
  • Cultivate a fulfilling life that renders you less concerned with others.
  • Acknowledge the distinction between internal and external aspects.
  • Be vigilant for judgmental self-talk.
  • Adopt a mindset where people are viewed as opinion holders rather than competitors.

2. They don’t insist on perfection

The relentless pursuit of perfection frequently stems from societal expectations that discourage vulnerability and self-acceptance, leading to psychological damage and a cycle of disappointment and self-doubt.

What to do instead:

  • Recognize the personal cost of perfectionism.
  • Embrace your imperfections.
  • Write compassionate letters to yourself.

3. They don’t see vulnerability as a weakness

Many individuals view vulnerability as a weakness due to a fear of rejection and societal norms, this perspective hinders the development of personal connections, restricts opportunities for growth, and constrains the practice of self-acceptance.

What to do instead:

  • Practice embracing vulnerability.
  • Identify your protective armor and dismantle it.
  • Take ownership of your personal story.
  • Develop the courage to be vulnerable.

4. They don’t let self-doubt stop them from reaching their goals

Self-doubt often plagues women because of conflicting messages from society and family, resulting in missed opportunities and underperformance.

What to do instead:

  • Accumulate evidence to counter self-doubt.
  • Accept a reasonable amount of self-doubt.
  • Consider worst-case scenarios without letting them paralyze you.
  • Refuse to let self-doubt hinder your progress.

5. They don’t overthink everything

Overthinking is a common pitfall for many women, driven by a tendency to ruminate and overanalyze, leading to increased stress, indecision and emotional turmoil. Overthinking doesn’t effectively resolve problems; it often creates new ones.

What to do instead:

  • Differentiate between overthinking and productive problem-solving.
  • Schedule designated time for worry to contain excessive rumination.
  • Redirect your focus toward constructive thinking.
  • Practice mindfulness techniques to stay present.

6. They don’t avoid tough challenges

Avoiding difficult challenges is frequently motivated by fear and societal conditioning, yet this habit deprives individuals of opportunities for growth and achievement.

What to do instead:

  • Generate positive emotions to boost your confidence and motivate yourself.
  • Act bravely to develop courage; sometimes, you need to “fake it until you make it.”
  • Develop a network of like-minded individuals who accept challenges and support your growth.
  • Understand your purpose and values, allowing them to guide your decisions and actions.
  • Face challenging situations head-on to experience personal growth and empowerment.

7. They don’t fear breaking the rules

Fear of breaking societal norms often restricts women from taking bold actions, preserving the status quo and hindering innovation and progress.

What to do instead:

  • Recognize the existence of unwritten societal rules and consider the motivations behind your choices.
  • Justify your choices and take action to challenge norms when necessary.
  • Show through actions rather than just words that breaking a few rules can lead to progress and change.
  • Create opportunities for others by breaking a few rules, encouraging societal shifts that embrace diversity and change.

8. They don’t put others down to lift themselves up

The urge to put others down is often rooted in feelings of inadequacy and societal expectations, but it leads to enduring emotional harm and obstructs individual development.

What to do instead:

  • Identify and restrain the inclination to pass judgment on others when the desire to establish dominance arises.
  • Build your self-worth on a stable and healthy foundation, avoiding the need to put others down to feel better about yourself.
  • Revise your thought processes without judgment, learning to recognize and change unhealthy thinking patterns.
  • Actively contribute to uplifting others through kindness, support, and encouragement.

The world is full of nice poeple. If you can’t find one, be one.

9. They don’t let others limit their potential

Limiting one’s potential due to societal expectations and criticism often results in missed opportunities and personal stagnation.

What to do instead:

  • Reflect on any limitations you may have unconsciously accepted.
  • Pay attention to your self-talk and cognitive distortions to identify and challenge unhealthy thinking patterns.
  • Keep pursuing your goals even when others doubt you, as one person’s opinion shouldn’t limit your potential.
  • Set boundaries when receiving unhelpful criticism and unwanted advice, preserving your time and energy for your own growth.

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent — Eleanor Roosevelt

10. They don’t blame themselves when something goes wrong

Self-blame is a common response influenced by societal gender-specific norms, but it leads to stress, emotional exhaustion, and self-loathing

What to do instead:

  • Learn how to deal with self-blame, especially when victimized.
  • Separate facts from fiction, and recognize that your reactions to events influence your emotional well-being.
  • Change the story you tell yourself, moving from self-blame to constructive reflection.
  • Ask for forgiveness and make amends when necessary, allowing you to move forward.
  • Accept appropriate responsibility while avoiding unnecessary self-blame, fostering personal growth.

We realize the importance of our voice when we are silenced — Malala Yousafzai

11. They don’t stay silent

Remaining silent when faced with injustice is often motivated by societal gender norms and a fear of backlash, but it perpetuates inequality and drains mental strength.

What to do instead:

  • Acknowledge what is happening when faced with injustice or wrongdoing.
  • Tell someone you trust about the issue, allowing you to share your burden and seek support.
  • Recognize that staying silent doesn’t equate to weakness, as speaking up requires courage.
  • Speak up not only for yourself, but also for those who may not have a voice.
  • Speaking your truth empowers you and those around you, fostering growth and change.

12. They don’t feel bad about reinventing themselves

Resisting personal reinvention is often driven by societal pressures to conform, hindering self-growth and fulfillment.

What to do instead:

  • Take a step back to evaluate your life and whether it aligns with your potential.
  • Identify the obstacles and fears that are hindering your reinvention.
  • Ask yourself the “miracle question” to envision a better life : “If you woke up tomorrow and a miracle occurred, how would you know things were better ?”

13. They don’t downplay their success

Gender-specific socialization often pushes girls to understate their intelligence and accomplishments, driven by concerns of appearing arrogant. However, this inclination to downplay oneself and one’s achievements results in the development of imposter syndrome, obstructing personal growth and preventing the recognition and progress they merit.

What to do instead:

  • Acknowledge why you downplay your success and work to overcome these tendencies.
  • Practice owning your success, recognizing and celebrating your achievements.
  • Accept compliments gracefully, and avoid minimizing your accomplishments.
  • Create a list of your successes and review it as needed to build self-confidence.

We realize the importance of our voice when we are silenced — Malala Yousafzai

🌟 As a Final Note…

Don’t forget that the journey of developing mental strength is ongoing

  • Refuse to compare to others makes you stronger
  • A willingness to be imperfect makes you stronger
  • Being vulnerable makes you stronger
  • Refusing to let self-doubt stand in your way makes you stronger
  • Being present in the moment makes you stronger
  • Facing though challenges head-on makes you stronger
  • Breaking a few rules makes you stronger
  • Lifting others up makes you stronger
  • Refusing to let others limit your life makes you stronger
  • Accepting appropriate responsibility makes you stronger
  • Speaking your truth makes you stronger
  • Reinventing yourself makes you stronger
  • Owning your success makes you stronger

If you enjoyed this article and found it insightful, please give it a round of clap 👏.

Your support means the world to me!

I hope to see you back here soon, until then, take care ! 😊📚✨

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Shirley Berchel

👩🏽‍🎓 Digital Strategy Student | 💻 Web Developer | 📚 Books and Personal Development Enthusiast