Your Untold Source of Strength: The Silent Power of Scars
Ever come across a book that seemed like it was written just for you? Have you ever read something so touching and relatable that it felt like the author knew exactly what was in your heart?
Recently, I had a revelation about how books seem to find their way into our lives at the perfect moments.
I came across the book “The Strength in Our Scars” by Bianca Sparacino, and there’s something incredibly profound about finding a book that mirrors your journey.
Now, let me share the 5 key aspects that revealed deep truths about myself and how they contribute to discovering strength in my scars
1. Confronting Fear and Embracing Change
Look your fear in the face and invite it to dinner, become its best friend.
There was a moment when I realized I was making decisions purely out of fear, rather than following my heart or passion.
For the longest time, I found comfort in playing it safe. I’d always choose the path that seemed less challenging, and less uncertain.
Why? Because, truth be told, I was scared. Scared to see what I might become, scared of the potential within me, and terrified of the process of becoming.
The thing is, fear has this sneaky way of making you believe that staying in your comfort zone is the safest bet. It’s like wrapping yourself in a security blanket, shielding yourself from the unpredictable. I fooled myself into thinking that if I stuck with what I knew, I’d have a sense of power and control over my life.
It was easy to lie to myself. I wore the role that society handed me, slipping into the mold of the person others wanted me to be. I played it safe in my career, in my relationships, in every aspect of my life. The fear of the unknown overshadowed any inkling of passion or love that may have guided me to a more fulfilling life.
I would look in the mirror, and this person was staring back at me, but it wasn’t me. It was the version of me that others expected, the one who didn’t take risks, who didn’t dream big.
It took me a while to confront the realization that staying in my comfort zone was holding me back from my true potential. So, I made a decision. I decided to look fear in the face and invite it to dinner, just like that quote says. I started to embrace change, even though it felt uncomfortable at first. I began to explore what I truly loved, what ignited a passion within me.
It wasn’t an overnight transformation, but step by step, I started breaking free from the chains of fear. I began to understand that the process of becoming is messy, but beautiful.
I no longer let the fear of the unknown dictate my choices.
Instead, I’ve learned to see it as an adventure, a journey of self-discovery.
2. Embracing Individuality
You are allowed to take up space.
Own who you are and what you want for yourself.
Stop downplaying the things you care about, the hopes you have. Own you fire.
Stop putting your worth in the hands of others; stop letting them decicde you value.
You know, there was a time when I felt like I was living in the shadows of other people’s expectations. I used to be the girl who tried to be what others wanted, shaping myself to fit societal expectations. It was a suffocating existence, and I felt like I was losing sight of who I really was.
But then, something clicked. I decided it was time discover my true self, step by step.
First, it was about understanding my values. What truly mattered to me? What did I stand for? It took some soul-searching, but I started to identify the principles that resonated with me at my core. It was liberating to realize that I didn’t have to conform to someone else’s ideals.
Next up was embracing my beliefs. I took the time to question and explore what I genuinely believed in. Not what I was told to believe, but what resonated with my own convictions. This phase required some courage, but it was essential to build a foundation rooted in authenticity.
Then came my body — oh, the journey of self-love. I had spent far too long critiquing every inch of myself based on societal standards. But you know what? I started appreciating my body for what it is — a vessel that carries me through life.
Mind and soul were the next stops. I explored my interests, passions, and the things that truly brought me joy. It wasn’t about impressing anyone else; it was about nurturing my own well-being. I read books that fed my soul, explored hobbies that sparked my creativity, and surrounded myself with people who uplifted my spirit.
And you know what happened as I uncovered these layers of myself ? I found confidence — a confidence that allowed me to proudly show the world who I am. I realized that I don’t have to do anything just to please others unless it genuinely pleases me. It’s not about fitting into someone else’s mold; it’s about celebrating my individuality.
Now, I make choices that align with my true self. I express my opinions, even if they don’t align with the majority. I’ve learned that embracing my individuality doesn’t mean rejecting others — it simply means honoring who I am at my core.
It’s an ongoing journey.
Every day, I discover new facets of myself and learn to love them unapologetically.
3. Self-Love and Empowerment
I am not going to wait for someone to make me whole.
Instead, I am going to take all of the love I have been giving everyone else, and I am going to give it to myself.
Picture this: I was in a relationship where I lost myself.
I mean, completely lost track of who I was. I found myself seeking validation and defining my worth based on how the other person saw me. It was like I put on this mask, trying to be the kind of girl they wanted. The worst part? I didn’t even realize I was doing it.
I invested so much of myself in that relationship, hoping to find happiness through someone else. I didn’t realize that the key to happiness wasn’t held by someone else — it was inside me all along.
After the relationship ended, there was this void, this emptiness that forced me to confront the truth: I had neglected my own happiness and well-being in the pursuit of becoming someone I thought the other person wanted.
They say that the first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem. And so, I did. I began this journey of self-discovery, peeling back the layers of influence that had masked my true self.
The first truth I stumbled upon? Happiness comes from within. It sounds cliché, but it hit me hard. I couldn’t rely on someone else to complete me or define my happiness. I needed to rediscover who I was, what I loved, and what made me genuinely happy.
It was like reconnecting with an old friend — I started to remember the things that lit up my soul, the passions I had set aside, and the dreams that had been dormant. I began to see that self-love was a necessity, a foundation upon which everything else rested. I had to learn to love myself — the good, the bad, the messy, all of it. It wasn’t about becoming someone else’s version of perfection; it was about embracing my flaws and celebrating my uniqueness.
It took time, patience, and a lot of introspection, but I started setting boundaries and saying no when needed. I focused on what fueled my growth and surrounded myself with positive influences. And you know what happened? Slowly, I felt this empowerment building within me.
The journey wasn’t without its challenges. I had to unlearn habits that no longer served me, confront insecurities, and redefine my standards for happiness and success. But every step was worth it.
I’ve learned that the most profound growth comes not from someone else’s approval or rejection but from embracing and respecting myself in a way that no one else can.
4. Learning and Growth
Be gentle with yourself, you are still learning.
I thought I had it all figured out. I went through challenges, learned my lessons, and believed I had a solid understanding of life. I didn’t realize that I would keep encountering new perspectives that would challenge what I believed.
Every obstacle became a lesson, and just when I felt like I knew it all, life threw another curveball. It was both frustrating and enlightening. I came to understand that learning isn’t a destination; it’s an ongoing journey — one that unfolds continuously.
During those moments when I thought I had life’s manual memorized, fresh perspectives emerged, urging me to rethink and reshape my understanding. It was humbling, to say the least. I realized that there’s always more to discover, more to learn.
I’ve come to appreciate that this journey isn’t about having all the answers; it’s about having enough wisdom to navigate each phase, each era of my life.
It’s a continuous process of shedding old beliefs, embracing new ones, and allowing myself to be open to the lessons life presents. I cannot possibly know everything, and that’s okay. What matters is that I know enough to keep moving forward, to face each challenge head-on.
5. Protecting your heart
Don’t break your own heart trying to fill someone else’s.
I realized that protecting my heart meant establishing clear boundaries. It wasn’t about building walls but about creating spaces where my well-being and peace could thrive.
In family dynamics, I learned that being related by blood doesn’t grant anyone a free pass to trample over my boundaries.
Just because we’re family doesn’t mean I’ll conform to expectations or let anyone dictate how I should act or speak. I had to assert my own way of living and protect the essence of who I am. It wasn’t about rebellion; it was about preserving my authenticity. The same principle extended to friendships and romantic relationships.
In a romantic relationship, I found myself trying to fix someone else’s heart, not realizing that, in the process, mine was breaking. I poured so much of myself into healing someone else that I neglected to protect my own emotional well-being.
That was a tough lesson.
But here’s where it took an unexpected turn. I came to understand that it was this connection that led me to protect my heart at all cost. I had to learn that protecting my heart also meant being mindful of where I invest my emotional energy. It’s not about closing off from others but being discerning about who deserves a place in my heart.
Setting boundaries doesn’t make me cold or distant; it makes me aware of my own needs. It’s a form of self-care — a way of ensuring that I remain true to myself, even in the face of challenges.
It’s not selfish; it’s a necessary act of self-preservation.
I will know my work is done when they ask : “Do you like yourself” and with ruthless confidence, with a certainty that comes from every tender part of who I am, I answer “Yes”.
✨ Take good care of yourself
