On the small things. And Faith.

There’s always a chance that things won’t work out—that chance your hard work won’t surmount to any real profit; that chance your kindness will be taken advantage of; that chance your merits will go completely unnoticed; that chance your patience will end in zero gain.

In fact, doubt is the new norm. With access to endless tools to annul, retract, void, and command-z our mistakes, it’s easier to have 95% confidence in the ability to undo than do. And the logical person inside me isn’t opposed to it at all.

But today was a tough day, both for me and for a close friend of mine. Maybe Mercury was in retrograde (no idea), but I found myself saying, “This all better be worth it.” The long hours, hard work, patience and grace, the obscene amounts of coffee, the feelings I process (that are not my own), and the hope, which I hold on to by a thread: this all better be worth it.

“Patience is a virtue.”

In times like these, when this phrase—patience is a virtue— comes into my mind, I feel like tearing the aortic valve out of my thoracic cavity. I have no confidence in patience, especially as a virtue. I want to do, undo and be proactive in a very real, tangible way, and patience seems like a euphemism for having a shitty time commitment.

I don’t KNOW if things are going to be okay. No one does. But thankfully, things tend to happen throughout the day that restore my hope. Small things, like receiving a text from a friend who saw me on cycling on the street, or getting a hug from a co-worker who can sense my stress from 8 feet away, or unexpectedly getting a chocolate bar just handed to me for no reason than you talked about chocolate (so good). I have the utmost gratitude for all of these things, which incrementally restore my confidence in things unknow. It might be completely illogical, visceral at best, but I’m grateful for those small, unseen things that help make my life just a little easier each day.

Faith is evidence of things unseen.

One of my favorite quotes is by an important Cuban literary and philosopher of the 20th century named Jose Marti. He said, “It is necessary to make virtue fashionable,” and even though patience may not be a virtue I can stand behind, faith is one that I can. Because in it’s own way, the unknown holds more possibilities than any sort of time commitment I can put on my life.

So, have faith my friends. Whatever doubts you’re grappling with—your job, family, love life, sexual orientation, last nights dinner—know that there will be small things along your journey that clear the way for you. I’m almost certain.

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