Trauma & Writing
I feel very self-indulgent writing about my own art, but fuck it, all artists who share their art are self-indulgent whether they admit it or not because that’s what art is.
I know I should feel flattered that over 5,000 people liked my poem I wrote two years ago about trauma but I’m getting sick of checking my “activity” on Tumblr and seeing it get so much attention. I’ve written better pieces about trauma and better pieces that had nothing to do with trauma since then that don’t get nearly as much attention. And this is just the narcissistic writer in me, who wishes I had control over which pieces of mine people liked, but it’s not about that. I don’t want to just be recognized for the writing I do about trauma. I’m actively trying to write less about my own trauma because for me personally, as someone who has had trouble recovering from trauma due to OCD intrusive thoughts about it, I don’t believe it has been healthy for me to dwell so much on it. I’m still going to write about it sometimes, because it has been a part of my life and it’s important to talk about, but I’m trying to take a break from it for now. And I don’t want trauma to be the only thing people value my art for. I want to write about things I enjoy too, like people and music and art and social justice. It means a lot to me that people have probably found comfort in my writing about trauma, because I know what it’s like to find art you can relate to when you feel alone in some of your experiences. I should be more grateful. But I don’t want my worth as a writer to be based around traumatic experiences.