Why YOU need to know about the victim/ rescuer triangle that is seldom mentioned.

It looks like science — don’t worry, it’s not. And you are probably doing it right now.

I’m a privileged, educated, travelled 34 year old woman. I’ve had relationships, great ones I took for granted, more not such great ones that no one forced me into. (And I’d probably choose all over again.)

I come from picket fences. Textbook picket fences. Folks met at 14, cycling in their neighbourhood, dated, married at 21 — now at 64 they are more in love then most people will know or even witness in their lives. We even had the token golden retriever. (And a brother . . . )

So I understood love. Confidently. Stupidly. Naively. You give, you look out for your partner, you do all you can for them. And you’ll get the same in return.

WRONG. In the past years I’ve been taught about the triangle of relationships. All relationships. It goes by different names — I liked “The rescuer’s triangle” but I see it called the “Drama triangle” too- which burns a bit, but only because it’s true.

If you choose to love someone, to care for them, to give to them — on whatever level you do- that’s your choice. And I’m sorry, but mostly they won’t notice or appreciate it. So you definitely can’t expect the same in return.

Which makes you the victim. The worst, most vulnerable, unappealing role to be in any relationship. Yes! Everyone’s ex is an terrible person — but why? Because they wouldn’t give on the same level you would. They didn’t ask for your help, assistance, guidance, care, and so are under no obligation to return it, and in most cases are completely unaware anything is going on at all!

It’s 2016. And the best thing, anyone can do for their relationship, with anyone, is invest in yourself. Look after yourself. Love yourself. Love your life. If you don’t, change your life. Right now, today. It’s only up to you.

If you value your relationship, fall in love with yourself, be the best version of yourself you can be. Once we were taught that was selfish behaviour, but it’s not. Ironically, it’s the most selfless thing you can do. For you, your husband, your children . . . don’t make your insecurities their burden.

Invest in yourself — for your relationships. Live a life you love. xoxo

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