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Changes

There have been some changes, I will share those changes in my writings. I will tell you about where those changes have taken me. Although, you first need to know it was because, I had an experience that literally changed my course in my life and made me who I am today. Let me start with how I thought at one time. I used to think God did not care about me but, I now feel much more settled about those feelings. There was a time when I thought God did not exist. I thought of myself as useless, unwanted, used and an abused individual. All those things had taken place throughout my life. I was too trusting, I took everyone at face value. I was easily influenced by others. I was going through life wanting happiness, bending over backwards for others. While I filled their wants needs and desires mine were not being filled, which left me feeling used, abused, dirty and ashamed. After all these events took place I had to repent and surrender my life to God. I turned to God and gave him everything and I stopped pursuing everything on my own. I told God I am yours use me, fill me, complete me and deliver me what you feel I deserve when you feel the timing is right, not what’s on my agenda. I gave God the steering wheel and allowed him to turn it. I let go of everything, I thanked him for where I was. I enjoyed and loved what I had at the moment even if it wasn’t much, the most important thing was that I was able to focus on my two children. I now see Jesus as my father that I can go to any time of the day or night. When I had this change happen to me I started to spend more time in His word. Since then I have learned that I can lean into him, versus others. Something that I’m asking for these days is for God to show me how I can make an impact in others lives? I have endured countless things that have been thrown upon me. Including one particular day, the day I asked God a question. This particular question I asked God was on a blazing hot day in the greater Sacramento area of California! I was the ripe age of 43. At this time in my life I had been remarried for 6 years, although, I had two children from a prior marriage. My son had just turned 14 years old and my daughter was only 10 years old. During this time I was about fifteen pounds overweight at that was only because there was no time to eat or cook meals at home and no time to exercise. At this time a prior spouse and I owned and operated a security business. We both had our private investigators licenses. I was working full-time for a technology company, re-enrolling in college and I owned and operated my own business that was open by appointment only.

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