The disparity between actions and self image is something I’ve seen a lot of since moving to the Midwest. It seems to be the norm here. Some of my coworkers talked about a family member who decided to identify himself as a female after many years, and how they don’t hold that against him (using the pronoun him). And as long as he doesn’t wear lady’s clothing around kids it’s fine. We wouldn’t want to confuse them, and have to explain what’s wrong with this guy that can’t dress right. And as long as we keep those perverts out of our bathrooms we should be safe.
They’ll talk about how important it is for women in technology (these are women in technology having the conversations) to be viewed just the same as a man, but one of them has a daughter that doesn’t get to complain about how men behave when she dresses like she does. She’s really asking for it.
It goes on like this. They think a veil of politeness and a tendency to not have real discussions about social issues makes them progressive or at least open minded and good. They choose to ignore the repercussions of their own decisions and statements, because as nice and polite people they can’t be faulted. And I have an internal scream going in my head during these conversations.