Entry 1 : Think Positive Thoughts

Day 5—Total Loss 6.4 lbs

Well, hello. So … today, although it’s technically Day 5 of the diet, it’s only Day 3 of the VLCD, which means I’ve finally lost all the “loading” weight I put on over the weekend, leaving me feeling the same as before I started … but with a slightly better mental outlook.

In trying to keep on the bright side, I admit that it feels empowering to wake up each day knowing that I’m doing something good for myself, that I control, that if I stick to it, will give me some results. And, every day I look in the mirror, I’m eager to start seeing some difference in the “inches” part.

I feel the pain of this kitty. If only I was as adorable.

Of course, I know from experience, it’s always the “pounds” that come off first, then the inches. And as soon as I start seeing inches come off, I’ll start craving for the number on the scale to go down again, even if my body is shrinking.

(Dream diet: For the pounds AND inches to come off at the same rate … ah, wouldn’t that be nice?)

But first, what brings me here? Well, today, my friend stopped in, (Side Note: Don’t Blink!) who is doing this diet alongside me, and asked for some advice, and then mentioned the idea of writing things down each day and re-reading them all when the journey is completed. So, here I am. And so far, I’m liking the feeling of just getting some thoughts out on digital paper.

Speaking of diet accomplices, not only is she doing this diet, but my co-worker and his wife will also be starting the diet this weekend, so that’s 3 people who will kind of be looking to me for advice, and that’s really rewarding. It’s definitely the first time on this diet where I don’t feel like I have to hide or try to “fit in” with my bag of cherry tomatoes (Side Note: Gag! I need to find a new vegetable for work lunches.) whilst everyone else eats the office pizza, but rather, I get to fit in with two others in the office on the same stretch as me, all while being able to give advice and encouragement all around. I think it’s actually forcing me to be stronger than I normally am, to accept my weight, to accept myself, and accept what happens more than I usually would, because I realize I’m not the only one on this journey, and, my diligence and knowledge will only help the others succeed on their journeys.

When I re-read that, it sounds kind of … arrogant? But, it’s not meant to be, what I suppose I’m trying to say is, it makes me feel valued, and it helps.

This round of HCG is the first one I’ve done without my mom being my co-dieter. My mom has always been my support system, and it’s something I truly depend on, maybe too much. I hope doing this round of HCG by myself, with friends and co-workers, will not only make me feel like an “adult,” but will also help in my confidence of owning my own life for me, not for anyone else. It is my body, after all.

Oh so very hangry.

Speaking of hopes, I also hope that if I’m successful, and keep a positive attitude, my husband may change his view on this diet … just a bit. Normally, I get “hangry,” and can tend to take it out on him, but this time, I want to try so very hard to not let it get to me, to stay strong, bite my tongue, and persevere. I want him to be proud of me, and I want him to respect the diet and the fact that there are other ways to lose weight than just the ones he believes. He gets frustrated because I put weight back on months after the diet, but at the same time, he puts on weight with me, so I don’t understand how all the blame falls on my diet, when in reality I think it falls on both of our lack of dedication to change our lifestyle AFTER the diet has concluded.

This time, I really, really want to stick to a healthy regimen after the diet, working out moderately and eating mostly healthy, becaaause … babies are more and more on my mind. And not in the “baby fever” sort of way, but more like a pressure sort of way where I feel as if I’m running out of time to start having kids. It’s as if there’s this scary, mean person standing behind me all the time, breathing down my back, telling me to grow up and start having a family before my ovaries dry up.

This was me over the weekend, “loading.”

(Side Note: If my ovaries did dry up, I would happily become a crazy chihuahua lady. No shame.)

So basically, my vanity, my insecurities, and my health (which seems more important as “30” approaches), are all telling me I better lose some weight before I have to get pregnant and most likely put weight on again. I guess what I’m trying to say is, I don’t want to get pregnant while I’m fat. Simply put. And, I don’t want to be used to bad habits of eating when I get pregnant either. I’d really like my good habits gleaned from this diet to be somewhat cemented in me to help me from gaining too much during the pregnancy, (although I know sometimes, I will definitely, most certainly, give into cravings).

As I’m typing, I realize this first entry is probably going to be the longest of them all, as I have this need to get EVERYTHING that’s been bottled up inside of me out, because it’s all in there, swirling around in my head, every single day, I just never get to talk about it. So, it’s going to be a touch long-winded.

Aside from improving my self-esteem, my health, and my day-to-day attitude, I just hope this diet works. This is the first time I’ve not used prescription strength HCG, so, I’m definitely nervous. It’s not exactly an easy diet to follow, and having it all be in vain would just be awful. However, as much as I weigh right now, I do know I’ll be losing weight regardless if the pills actually “work” or not, it’s the aftermath that I am more concerned about. I just have to keep looking back to my sister-in-law, who successfully lost about 40 lbs using these pills, and with the help of the Carb-blocker pills, has kept it off for what I can only assume is a year by now.

So, moral of this post? Think positive thoughts, because, sister, you’ve got a long way to go.

It’s basically me.
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