F.R.I.E.N.D.S forever!
Last week, when I was cleaning up my eight-year-old daughter’s bag, I came across a bunch of crumpled up notes. The big red letters on one of them caught my eye — “For A*’s eyes only”, they screamed. My fingers developed a sudden itch, and the only cure seemed to be unfolding crumpled up notes. With great difficulty, I locked up my slightly-older-than-eight-year-old curiosity as I carefully smoothed the paper and stowed it away on the shelf.
No sooner had she stepped inside our home than my locked-up curiosity unchained itself and exploded into the open. “There was a note in your bag which was meant only for you. What was it about? Can mommy read it too? Please?” Then as an afterthought, added, “How was your day, sweetie?
I was glad one of us had her priorities in order. She gave me a hug and said, “My day was good, mommy, how was yours? Of course, you can read the note. It was about some friendship problems we’ve been having”
I could sense the growing excitement in Ms. Unleashed Curiosity. “What sort of friendship problems?” As usual, Mrs. Considerate Mommy was slow on the uptake. “Maybe mommy can help”, said she.
Friendship problem #1: The game of stones
“I had 5 crystals with me and distributed them to all the girls in the gang. B* got upset because she felt U* had got the shinier crystal. She sent me that note asking me if I liked her more.”
Mrs. Considerate Curiosity asked, “Had you given U the shinier crystal? Have you sorted out the problem?”
She responded in her usual zen-like manner, “I did not respond to the letter. I waited until break time and went up to her to have a chat. I told her I’d given each girl a crystal of their favourite colour. Since U’s favourite colour was pink**, I’d given her the pink one”
“Was she pacified with the response? What did she say?”
“She said she was sorry she’d assumed things and was glad I hadn’t been unfair. Don’t worry, we’re friends again”
Friendship problem #2: The braidy lunch
My daughter used to always hang out with N* and S*, and I’d hear stories about them all the time. Over the last few weeks, however, N and S were nowhere to be seen, and I’d hardly heard them being mentioned.
“What’s new with N and S?” Mrs. Smelling A. Rat Mommy ventured
Big pause. A sigh. A frown.
“They switched lunch tables,” said my daughter finally, with a catch in her voice. “They’re hanging out with girls from the choir now”
A few days after our conversation, I saw A with N and S.
Mrs. Grateful Yet Curious Mommy remarked, “Oh, I saw you with N and S. Are you all having lunch together now?”
A replied, “Oh, I decided to sign up for the choir too. It’s a lot of fun singing, and I got to make new friends. And now we’re all one big gang”
Friendship problem #3: Baking bad
One morning, I told A with great excitement in my voice, “Can you guess what’s for snacks today?”
A responded, “As long as it’s not papaya, I’m happy”
Mrs. Contained Excitement prodded, “Come on! You can do better than that! You’ve to guess what it is, not what it’s not”
About fifteen clever*** guesses later, I felt a bit deflated.
Not one to give up easily, I told her, “You’re getting donuts for snacks today! Yay!”
A responded, “Oh no! Not donuts!”
Nothing could’ve prepared me for that response. Three minutes later, I shut my jaw and asked, “But why? I thought you loved donuts”
Little Ms. Seriously Concerned said, “I do love donuts, but so do all the animals in my school. The last time I had donuts for snacks, I went to the restroom, and by the time I came back, the eagles and squirrels had eaten them all. But funnily, the eagles left a few crumbs on R* and E*’s uniform”
“I get very hungry every time you send baked goodies, and I get a bit upset with the eagles too”
“Oh dear, what are we going to do?” I asked, frantically looking for alternatives to pack.
She seemed deep in thought. A few seconds later she said, “I have an idea. Why don’t you cut every donut in half and keep it in a separate box? I’ll add a label to that box which clearly says ‘For the Eagles and Squirrels. Please enjoy the food’”
“Keep a few papaya pieces in it too”, she added, with a naughty glint in her eye.
Friendship problem #4: Big gang weary
I had a bunch of very happy kids at my daughter’s birthday party a few months ago. Two hours, twenty kids and two very exhausted adults later, I finally bade them farewell as I handed out their return gifts. I heard a commotion outside and peeped through the window with dread in my heart. Sitting on top of a tree, so close to the branch that he may have helped with the photosynthesis, was one of the boys from the party. I rushed outside and said, “Girls, he never used the Avada Kedavra curse at least”. Oh, wait a minute, that was another problem.
I rushed outside and saw a group of other kids jeering at Mr. Chlorophyll. I put on the sternest voice I could muster and said, “What’s going on here?”
Mr. Chlorophyll was beginning to seriously look a bit green. He sobbed and said, “The return gift I got was the biggest of the lot. These boys chased me because theirs was smaller and they wanted mine!”
“I don’t want to part with mine. I want the biggest one!” he cried.
A stepped in and said, “Why don’t you all open your gifts? You’ll see you’ve all got the same thing. We didn’t have enough boxes of the same size, so we had to pack it in different sized boxes”
She looked at me in and said, “I think we’ve learnt our lesson, haven’t we mommy? Same sized-packaging for everyone”
Friendship problem #5: The Vex Files
A has a cousin K*, that she’s thick friends with. In the many years they’ve known each other, I’ve hardly heard them disagree on anything. A few months ago, a visibly upset A and K emerged from a room. I looked at them and asked, “What gives?”
Both said in unison, “We are never going to talk to each other ever again. We are not going to be friends forever!”
Mrs. Dropped Jaw and Mrs. Popped Eyes gasped in unison. “What happened?”
“K said Draco Malfoy is her absolute favourite character. She knows how much I hate him. She said it just to spite me”
K immediately jumped, “That’s not true! I am beginning to appreciate him as I grow older.”
“Everyone else had it so easy. He had to make some hard choices. She likes all the goodie-goodie types”
I tried to intervene, “Girls, he never used the Avada Kedavra curse at least”, but it fell on deaf ears.
‘Forever’ turned out to be ninety minutes long. Later that evening, A got a call from K. She opened with the following, “I hate Bellatrix. She’s pure evil. And you know why I hate her the most? Because you hate her too”
I only heard, “Awwww, that’s so sweet of you. You’re my best friend ever! And do you remember how she laughed when she used the Cruciatus curse?” before she went into her room. The call lasted forever and thirty minutes.
Aren’t a lot of our adult friendship problems so like those in this list? Maybe we’re all eight-year-olds inside, and maybe, we need to look at eight-year-olds for solutions as well.

And if you’ll excuse me, I need to call a friend of mine from high school — the one that hated Gandalf. I haven’t spoken to her in fifteen years. Maybe I could give her my half donut <Brushing crumbs away>
*All names are the products of the author’s imagination. Any resemblance to actual persons is purely intentional
**Unbelievable that the other girls had a favourite colour that wasn’t pink, isn’t it?
*** Involving a lot of work for the mother