Magic formula to keep “trying”
(Disclaimer: Nostalgia doesn’t have good grammar or language. It just has emotions)
For me this time was when I saw “lot of humans” back to school for Fall rushing in the college roads in front of me with a lot of nostalgia and rain (i like rains only from my room). I remember this same day one year back, I was one among them(still am, will be one) with high hopes, a clueless face, counting fingers and immense joy that was covered by all the above. This has become a common part of my life from the time I left home for “trying” to figure out who I am, SEVEN years back. Yes! That even makes me realise I am old now.
With years of constant awareness about things getting better, significant support that lifts you up straight when you fall, gratitude for keeping it on track, pool of loved than suckers and energy from deep within- you realize you are actually made of all these than just YOUR ONE BODY. I have never realised when I left home crawling in to the pool of surprises and had only one main motto every time -“PANIC LESS”. This will never tend to zero, but having a deceivingly calm face will surely do.
After looking at so many humans in the human world (surprising!) yesterday after a calm summer, I went through a moment of trauma and nostalgia about those little (read HUGE) things that kept me on track to “try”:
- MY MOM: This is NOT SIMILAR to the answer that Miss World gave last year. Seriously! She was the constant support who gave me reasons to not stop and crave for more (even food!). It is too mainstream to always praise parents, but this time I am going to recite on how even their negativity can boost you. Recently, she just gives me all the reasons with just one word- “MARRIAGE”. And my immediate dialogue is “RUN SHRUTHI! Save yourself and never stop for them(parents) to think you are done and “settled” in life”. We can have a never ending chat about this later. Second most important thing she always made me do, is be stubborn against her itself (with a sanskari ladki face). She told me “you cannot go out of India before marriage”, “you cannot do a PhD as it might get late for your marriage”, “you other friends are very happy married, how long will you struggle beta?” — I DON’T BLAME HER! Oh you society, this is your impact on an Indian Mom of a “DAUGHTER”. Sorry mom, I had to break all these rules for you to realise good things can actually happen and those failure stories you give me as an example are not something I am going to look at. I will give you a new example to stick to forever, wait!. I would always like to ask her one question: “You are the reason why I am the way I am, but why is that you flip out about these things? Oops! I forgot you are human too because I see you as a “SUPER WOMAN””.
- TRAGEDY: I really love the line “Tragedy is the new cool”. This can come in many sizes and shapes- bad aura, failures, aliens, non-veg options, roommates, high rents, buses, irresponsibility (other’s), missed calls, relatives, old be(a)st friends, colleagues, rain….. I tried to just give hints, I am sure each one of you can related to these. Whatever those incidents are, they always taught me “How not to be?”. Sometimes, this is what teaches you the most from the world around you and I would like to mention- YOU LEARN A LOT MORE FROM IT THAN YOUR SANSKAARI TEXT BOOKS.
- COMPANY: A really important factor in the whole journey of my life. The perfect , like and mad people around you who will drive you insane when you want to go mad and who will dig deeper to find your sanity. These are very tough and rare species to find in the dynamic world, but I do have them. HOLD ON TO THEM AND NEVER LET THEM GO! The criteria is simple, they should be on your emergency contacts and laugh at your every joke (on you :P and your light shoes ;)). On the other side, let the others go and move on. This has been very big impact when I understood how life gets simpler when you realise “BEING GOOD TO EVERYONE IS NOT COOL ANYMORE”.
- SHRUUDLING: A syndrome of perpetual self-obsession to think visual. How can I not mention this? My every blog will have this, so read it. This will drive you crazy sometimes, but will help you to look back at your bad stories in the form of beautiful piece of art on your wall. Where is this wall? In the home you set up in the rented room of your 4bhk apartment. Yes! I set up a home wherever I go and that has always made me feel calm even when I had to travel to foreign countries all alone. So shruudling has always been a place where I have been comfortable and being comfortable in your skin is more than important of all the above to keep trying.
Ok! I need to get back to my ever-lasting research paper with my cup of BOOST (hot chocolaty energy milk). If not, I cannot keep trying to write the next one. This was just to release my mental block!