A little brush a little jab, side please!
I was recently telling a guy friend of mine about subtle things like brushing and staring that (some) men do and how it’s so common for a woman in Mumbai (am only going to speak for moi & my city). In fact it happens so frequently that it is almost a ‘norm’, we don’t even take it as a surprise every time it happens. But while I told him this I didn’t realise that many men haven’t even heard of this, don’t know about this, let alone them being able to accept it as a norm. I was quite surprised at my friend’s expressions, his disbelief and his simple question in the end “but why?”.
Why DO (some) men do this?
When you are passing by they’ll slowly raise their elbow or freeze a side of their body like they’ve just had a stroke so you accidentally brush (ahh what bliss) against them, they will stare at your breasts especially if your top is a little deep or your inners are peeping from somewhere or your bra lining is simply showing, because let’s face it…it will. Don’t get me wrong, I am humbled, they definitely make me feel like a goddess, why else would they crave for my slight touch if not for some deep spiritual awakening and why would they stare that way at my breasts unless they think that those mounds are actually Kailash parbat(s) in real life (that too two two!!)..only if they could worship it closely, eh? Mind you, these ‘some men’ are not just uneducated or blue collared or older men, I am also talking about young 24–25 year olds of the ‘newer’ generation with college degrees working in swanky offices! You’d think that such things can never come from that class (join my friend!), let me tell you — it does, they do.
Of course evil maliciousness is not the root of all of these attempts, some, I agree, are innocent curiosities and it just happened to be that no one ever told them that this isn’t cool.
Since I am already taking the liberty of explaining my experiences let me also take this moment and platform to add a special mention to women (equality mf!), I’ve had women gawking and scanning me from top to bottom making me feel terrible about my choice of clothes or of even wearing clothes in the first place. They were probably taking notes (and honestly I am flattered to be considered note taking worthy) but its still annoying. So that’s the simple difference, women make me want to not wear clothes at all and men bring me in terms with my ability of missing to cover some or the other part of my body, hey miss your elbow is showing!
What to do now? Who to please and how?
So here is what I explained to my friend, when someone gets a stroke around me and suffers from temporary paralysis, most times I use my inner goddess to shower myself on them by not just giving them a ‘light brush’ but a full on elbow jab, other times I give them my vocal love and a nod of my head, questioning how is it that they would like to be blessed today (good manners to ask). Similarly the stares are met with “what’s it bro, can I help?” (Again, good manners to ask) but am not too sure of this one because a 100% of the times after I ask this my ‘bro’ either panics or fumbles or starts counting imaginary stars or almost immediately focuses on an imaginary point in space or smiles in embarrassment (most times in disbelief of what just happened, so much manners -how?) Or all of the above and then flees the scene. Of course if they are stuck in a lift with me then the next 5 seconds to them seem like the entire Kalyug passing..such spiritual men I tell you.
Most other times even though the blood in you simmers to boiling point you just have to let it go. Even if I am able to bless 70% of the cases I feel it’s a win, even if I am able to cross the minds of 20% of them the next time they try to worship a goddess, I feel it’s a win. I just feel it’s a win if for once they’re made to realise that it’s not cool and their bluff is being called, they are being noticed and NO the stares are not discreet..at all. Nothing (much) changes, I agree but when someone makes you feel uncomfortable least you can do is return the favour and have a laugh at their expense.
You say you love but your loving isn’t my cup of tea, you say you worship but your worshiping is causing blood to seep, you say it was a mistake but your mistakes lead a lot of loss, they say you’re not worth it, they want me to let you go, oh but we’ve just met and I want you to know, I want you to remember and I want you to recall, recall my words and my displeasure and know that when it’s a no, it’s a no forever.