Letting go.

If you are unsatisfied with your surrounding, what do you do? Do you

A) Bring positivity to the group and try to instill change or

B) Avoid this situation at all cost and just quit

I thought I would always be one to choose the former, I felt like that society needed change and that I would be the one to instill it. Yet, this past year, I’ve fallen to my apathetic surroundings, to my numb peers, and to my own diminishing optimism.

Recently, I’ve decided to quit one of my officer decisions. I gave a lot of thought to why I did it, but in the end, I followed my heart. Here’s the story.

I was the event manager for a really large club in my school.

When I knew I got it, I was thrilled. I was in a position of power, and I had the ability to influence hundreds of club members.

I made plans, visions, and drafted out new ideas. I was so ready to bring in appropriate change and a positive blight to the club. Make the club better than ever.

It started great too. I was anticipating a great year. But gradually during officer meetings, I saw a lack of structure. There was no agenda, people talked about random stuff. Each meeting felt last minute and spontaneous and the inner planner within me felt really unhappy. I didn’t want to spend my time being unproductive.

Officers did not respond to my messages. When I asked them to do something for me, it was plain ignored. I didn’t want to waste time confronting them and just took it upon myself to do the best job I can do.

I gravitate away from things I don’t like. Therefore, I stopped showing up. There were quite a few meetings I didn’t go to because I had valid commitments but I don’t know if that ever got communicated. I didn’t even show up to member meetings.

I was doing an awful job of my responsibilities. However, I justified it within myself that it simply did not feel right. However, outside of school, I dedicated hours emailing nonprofits, setting up events, sending out emails to members.

At the same time, I was firmly on my social media diet therefore I was not on Facebook often enough to be kept fully updated. I felt hostility from the meetings and felt that my opinions were unvalid. We went the easy route for many things and don’t quite uphold ourselves to higher standards.

There was a period of time in first semester where I was the only one checking our club email. I remember responding to 30 emails in a row. And now I understand that people probably had commitments and there were college apps.

I sat there frustrated. I dislike micromanaging. I thought that officers should take it upon themselves to thrust forward their energy. Looking back, I should have talked to the officer group.

I talked to our advisor and asked her what I should do. She proposed a reform meeting. And that went really well and out in new change into myself. I don’t want to become complacent, a static member.

However, the hostility was still there. I didn’t want to confront anymore. I just did my job. I realized how lackluster my responsibilities felt now. Yes, I was connecting my members to the community but was it truly meaningful.

My duties were so logistical and menial. My time was valuable and if I didn’t see what I was doing as meaningful, I should stop. So I decided that it wasn’t fair for myself to take up an officer position next year (just for the sake of college apps or whatever) and let someone else have the chance.

I don’t plan to stop though. I plan to take all of my experience and make a culminating guide for future event managers.

Looking back, a lot of problems really stemmed from myself. Unclear communication, shaky attendance, and poor attitude. The officer group were a great group of people, they simply had different priorities than me. I made a lot of mistakes. All I can do is to work hard for this club for the remaining two months and to leave no regrets.

So I guess I followed option C.

C) Let go and take a break. Give other people a chance.

*this is unedited.

One clap, two clap, three clap, forty?

By clapping more or less, you can signal to us which stories really stand out.