Misplaced Value
“I’m just a stay at home mom” is what I heard her say and I didn’t think anything of it until months later when I realized that this statement and sentiment was one I heard often:
At Bible study one of the women shared during introductions, “I used to do great things, I worked on Capitol Hill and now I’m at home all day.”
During a business coaching call when an intelligent and all around amazing female business owner said, “I’m new to business, I was just a stay at home mom before this.”
And the list could go on and on.
This isn’t a post about mothers, but the encounters I described above have caused me to think about how much we have misplaced value in the world that we live in.
Misplace (verb) is defined as
putting something in the wrong, improper or unsuitable place; to bestow unwisely.
Have we always been a society or culture with misplaced values?
Has the misplacement of value increased with the increased level of visibility we have to how other people live? Note: I don’t say that wholeheartedly because I am fully aware that “reality” television and social media do not give a full glimpse into how anyone lives 100% of the time.
Is there no value seen in raising humans, in creating a safe environment for your family, in loving your children, in rest, in time devoted off of Instagram, in choosing a still and quiet life, in peace, in privacy?
Is value only seen as glamour, titles, large followings, going viral, large salaries (if I never hear the term six or seven figures again I’ll be okay — don’t get me wrong, I want every woman to get her coins as much as anyone else, but I’m over these buzz words) and the like?
When you think about what you value, what comes to mind? And then my next question is, do your actions and thoughts reflect the answer to the first question?
For instance, you say you value health but you don’t create or prioritize space and time to take care of your emotional, mental, financial, spiritual or physical health. You say you value integrity, but you spend time trying to find out all the shady tea going on in the lives of strangers on the internet. You say you value peace of mind but you won’t prune away those things that wreak havoc on your mental health and well-being.
When I think of the women who expressed what came across as shame or apology and downplayed the importance of their decision to be home to care for, teach, love and raise their children, I cannot help but think, what led to that feeling. What led to valuing “working on Capitol Hill” more than raising children? What led to having to put the word “just” in from of “a stay-at-home mom” (a term I am not a fan of but that’s another conversation for another time)?
Somewhere in their journey they decided that making choices that are best for their lives and their family is less honorable, less important, less valuable than the contributions they make outside of their family.
Just typing the previous sentence scares me. When we think that what we have to offer outside of our homes, outside of ourselves is less important than external offerings, that is disheartening to me.
When I say, “what we have to offer outside of ourselves” here’s what I mean: I value my internal peace more than I value what you think about my choices and decisions (external). And actually, if I don’t know you personally what you think of me and my decisions is none of my business in the first place. I value the peace of my life (internal) more than I value pleasing another human being (external). That’s the internal vs. external distinction I want to make.
We’ve misplaced internal value and exchanged it or given more weight and importance to external things like perception vs. reality, living up to a standard that has been set by someone else and valuing things that don’t even matter to you.
How do we explain the misplaced value of a culture and society? My thought, by looking at the misplaced value of the individuals within the society. Society is made up of individuals so we can’t point to “society” without also pointing at the individuals that make up the society.
So how do we fix this misplaced value within us?
By individually making a choice to define value for ourselves, by looking inward, meaning understanding what matters to you, knowing who it is you want to be, how you want to be and being firmly content if your values and your choices differ from someone else.
By understanding that value doesn’t come from how you’re perceived by others but through what you think about yourself. And it’s hard to think highly of yourself and place value in the things that matter to you if you don’t really know who you are and what you want. If you let television, music, social media tell you who you are and what you want, you risk becoming a person you no longer recognize. Where is the value in that?
My invitation here is for each of us to answer the question — what do I value? And then look at your life, look at your actions/choices and pay attention to your thoughts. Do they align with what you say you value? And if they don’t, what are you going to do about it?
If you enjoyed this post you will also enjoy my podcast, The Best Today® Podcast available where the best in podcast are played or here directly at besttodayguide.com
