Lebron James, Jr. Commits to Seton Hall: A How To Guide
Why hasn’t Seton Hall Men’s Basketball Head Coach Kevin “Stupid” Willard not offered Class of 2023 superstar Lebron James, Jr. yet? Cowardice? Malice? Laziness? This is the mediocrity that I will no longer sit idly by and allow.
Lebron James, Jr. should have been offered yesterday, ever heard of first mover advantage?
I think of nothing but the bodies, sinews and wingspans of young men that can play in the blue and white, often in my sleep which is when I have my best ideas. I still tweet at Kyle Anderson every day about taking that BLOOD MONEY to go to whatever corrupt government run California college he went to.
So I have created a helpful guide for the mediocre butthead Kevin Willard who should be fired so we can hire a real coach who respects hard work and has a clean record like Doug Gottlieb. Until then he can use my ideas for the good of Seton Hall.
- Change the name of South Orange to Lebron, NJ:
I am sick and tired of my alma mater being South Orange and the lesser directional town to Orange. The only directionals I believe in is when I directly dial into Hall Line from the shoulder of 280 and ask the stupid college kids what was the name of that kid on St. John’s with the hair. No not that one, the other kid with the hair. No the taller one with the hair. Either way changing it to Lebron is a vast improvement.
2. Kevin Willard should run for Congress in 2020:
I learned from the Facebook that Congress is the opposite of progress and I immediately took a picture of my screen and texted it to my mom. Kevin Willard is literally the opposite of progress in my opinion, we could have been to 8 straight tournaments if The Hall had hired Mike Rice which I always make sure to tell the people around me that I was right. Mike Rice was brought down by whiny government college liberal millennial victimhood culture politics which I fight everyday on NJ.com article comments on Facebook. If he would run for Congress it would raise the profile of Seton Hall basketball and we could finally drain the green pool in my backyard which the town wrongfully says is a health hazard.
3. Hire the Drake:
I don’t like the Drake but the kids like him and Lebron James Jr. is a kid. He can perform at halftimes or even be the World’s Most Canadian DJ. Just as long as he plays Sweet Caroline I won’t threaten to cancel my season tickets. No one has honored me yet as Season Ticket Holder of the game and I have had alumni tickets in the student section for 3 years. Bullshit.
4. Hire Lebron James, Sr. as University President:
Some people ask why, I ask why not. If we need to have an ordained priest in the position then just make him a priest. Is an improvement over the current state of the church.
5. If He Chooses Somewhere Like Kentucky We Didn’t Want Him Anyway but also Kevin Willard Failed Yet Again:
If he chooses to go elsewhere, it’s time to log online and say that he couldn’t have met the academic standards, I hope he never wins a game, and try to find his phone number on whitepages to list on the forums. Also the flailing Kevin Willard can’t recruit and we need to google “best basketball recruiter coach” to find his replacement immediately after the first December loss.
Threaten recruits with me on Twitter.com at @BakedBeansBoii