Diagnoses

It’s a UTI; it’s a kidney infection; actually kidney infections are a kind of UTI, so it’s a UTI again; it’s kidney stones; it’s got nothing to do with your kidneys and whoever thought it did is a complete fucking moron; it’s chlamydia; it’s gonorrhea; when was the last time you were sexually active again? well, scratch that; it’s your ureters; are you sure you’re not on your period?; it’s your leukocytes and your WBCs and your RBCs; why didn’t you see a nephrologist? something is really wrong with your kidneys; it’s endometriosis; it’s a hydrosalpinx; it’s something else in a foreign language; it’s– actually we won’t tell you until you pay the $702 your insurance won’t cover; it’s probably just anxiety; it’s pelvic inflammatory disease; are you really absolutely 100% sure you’re not on your period?; it’s follicular cysts; it’s probably just stress; it’s PMS; it’s almost definitely not fallopian tube cancer but it can’t hurt to check; it’s just the way your body works; it’s your bad attitude; it’s a punctate three millimeter nonobstructing calculus in the upper pole of your left kidney; what do you mean you don’t understand?