Do we look back?
I must start by saying I am pretty blessed. Almost everyone who has hurt me till date, has either apologized or made it clear through actions that they realized my value. Some of them have even been fortunate enough to be welcomed back into my life.
But is everyone that lucky?
We probably hurt people often. All of us. But do we give it a second thought or a thought at all? I don’t mean people who say something mean or hurtful first. But people we might’ve hurt because we are in a foul mood, we misunderstood, we didn’t really care, we rejected. People who cared for us though.
Sometimes it could be really trivial and the person at the receiving end could’ve totally gotten over it almost immediately. But what if you have hurt someone and they are still hurting after years? What if we have caused irreversible damage in some way or deeper than we can comprehend? What if we were wrong? People behave irrationally at times. What if we did at the time?
My ex boyfriend apologized for hurting me. It was almost 10 years and a divorce later that he realized he was probably bitten by something we call karma. I had nothing against him or for him by then. Happily married and living my own life. But while it felt good to hear that sorry, it didn’t really matter. It came 8 years too late. And by then I had gone through all the hurt, pain, trauma etc. that I had. And it couldn’t take that away or change a thing. Maybe I needed that sorry when I was still healing. 10 years is a long time to remember anything, good or bad.
But that’s what happens to most of us. We only realize the pain we caused someone when we ourselves suffer. It takes god and life to teach us and make us remember someone we had caused agony to. Only then do we realize their side of the story. But sadly by then the apology holds little meaning and there is nothing left to gather, in common or in memory.
I myself apologized to someone recently. 8 years later. And that person was my best friend at the time. The discomfort I caused was unintentional but I still wrote a short apology mail and never got a reply. The sorry was probably only to make myself feel better. To him, it or me doesn’t matter anymore. And it saddened me. I wish I had said it earlier when it did. Thankfully I wasn’t all stone like! We had common friends and I knew a lot about him doing well. But I should have. I could have. Maybe we would’ve still been friends.
I hope that we all don’t wait for life to come to a juncture which forces us to realize what we have made someone go through. Someone who made a mistake of being our friend, being misunderstood, of loving us without a chance of having us.. I hope we can open our hearts and minds to feelings other than our own and apologize or extend a hand when it still matters. Life is too short to have regrets and regret is a very bad feeling.