I Don’t Need You To Give Me Closure

I no longer believe in closure.

At least not in the kind that you have to receive from someone other than yourself. For a while, I would leave a situation. Do other things. Yet I would return and speak on how I felt. I would apologize, explain things that happened months and months ago. It was all a silly cycle.

Until I decided that I didn’t want to do that anymore. I didn’t want to open up a can of worms, per se, all for closure. Every time I did that, it wouldn’t feel right to me. It would feel like I was going against myself and decisions that I’d made when I would attempt to express myself. And normally, when you express yourself, the goal is to feel relieved. Instead, I’d feel as if I just dived back into something that I shouldn’t have been in in the first place.

I’ve decided that I want to go within to get my closure. To really understand my part and why I did the things that I did and why I don’t need to do those things anymore. And to forgive myself. To understand how I felt and why I felt it and why I don’t need to feel that way anymore. I want to analyze the other person’s part as well, to the best of my ability, and forgive them.

I’m more than a little tired of always sending long text messages, apologizing for old actions and explaining my point-of-view. And of hoping to receive messages from someone who wishes to apologize to me. I no longer require an apology to move on. Or for someone to accept mine.

So, moving forward, I’ll face everything that I need to face. Come to terms with it all. Then I’ll let it go. For good.

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