36 Questions To Get Close To Someone

Can you create closeness or intimacy with people who are truly strangers? Psychological research says yes, it can. Really can.

Maddison Southernwood
Nov 6 · 4 min read
Arthur Aron

Arthur Aron (1997) conducted an experiment that showed that you could create closeness with others, simply by asking 36 lists of questions. This question is proven to be effective in quickly making someone get to know the other person much deeper than before. If it works for others, it works well, especially to get to know your friends better. Just try it!

36 Questions Proximity to Someone!
Instructions: Alternately read each question between one another, with each person answering immediately after being asked. In the original experiment, subjects were only allowed to spend 15 minutes answering each set of questions, but you could spend as long or as short as you like.

These questions are indeed designed to increase your intimacy and familiarity with others. The intensity of the questions is increasingly increasing, both each set and each question in the set.

Set I: initial level introduction.

1. If you can choose anyone in this world, who do you want to be your dinner guest?

2. Do you want to be famous? In terms of what?

3. Before you call someone, have you ever prepared what you will talk about? Why?

4. Do you think that “perfect” day is?

5. When was the last time you sang to yourself? When was the last time you sang for someone else?

6. If you could live to be 90 years and told to choose to have the body or mind of a 30-year-old person for the last 60 years of your life, which one would you choose?

7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?

8. Name 3 things that you and I / your partner / friend have in common!

9. What are you most grateful for in your life?

10. If you could change anything in the way you grew up as a child, what would you change?

11. Take 4 minutes and tell me about your life story in as much detail as possible!

12. If you wake up tomorrow and are allowed to add a special quality or ability, what do you want?

Set II: intermediate level introduction.

13. If the crystal ball can tell the truth about yourself, your life, your future or anything else, what do you most want to know?

14. Is there something you dream you want to do for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?

15. What is the biggest achievement in your life?

16. What do you value most in a friendship?

17. What memory do you remember the most and cherish?

18. What is your worst memory?

19. If you know that in one year you will die suddenly, will you change your way of life right away? Why?

20. What does friendship mean to you?

21. What role does love and affection play in your life?

22. Try to say something that you consider as a positive characteristic of me. Mention at least 5!

23. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood is happier than most people?

24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother.

Set III: advanced introduction.

25. Create 3 sentences that contain “we” sentences. For example: “The two of us in this room feel …”

26. Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone I could share about …”

27. If you will be my close friend, share what important things I need to know.

28. Tell me what you like about me, please answer honestly, you can also be free to say anything that you have never said before to someone you just met.

29. Share me about the most embarrassing story in your life.

30. When was the last time you cried in front of other people? When was the last time you cried alone?

31. Tell me something that you like so far from me.

32. In your opinion, what are the most serious things that should not be made joke or will make you immediately offended?

33. If, for example, you die tonight and are not given the opportunity to communicate with anyone, what words do you regret the most do not get delivered to someone? Why haven’t you told that to him?

34. Your house, with all its contents suddenly caught fire. After saving your loved ones or pets, you have the opportunity to save one item. What is that? Why?

35. Of all the people in your family, whose death do you think will disturb your life the most? Why?

36. Share your personal problems and ask my opinion about how I will solve it if I experience it. Besides that, ask my counselor about what I feel about the problem you expressed.

Well, you will no longer experience wheezing or death style when dealing with strangers or new acquaintances. Take the time, just ask 36 questions in turn, guaranteed you will know each other much closer. Cheers!

Maddison Southernwood

Written by

Poetry, Culture and Linguistic Enthusiast

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