Caffeine Free: Week 3

Normalcy

For the first time in a month I felt like myself. As my emotions, fluid as of late, finally stabilized and my stamina for coping with my days reached a level where I can safely function. Humming along without crippling migraines or anger triggered by certain inconsistencies in my surrounding environment. Folding in jokes I haven’t made in weeks with coworkers or long-form Louis C.K-esque jokes with friends. A personality that I assume was missed by those around me.

With the occasional urges for something sweeter than water proving to be distracting when they hit. As my focus and attention becomes hijacked by the last of the addiction seeping out of my body. My eyesight becomes tunnel visioned while the fixation consumes me. It feels like hours when the reality is minutes. After it all I have to wonder if this is the pain cigarette smokers feel.

As I described this sort of urge to my roommate he suggested I smoke some marijuana or get laid. Or both(?).

I caught myself in Trader Joe’s reading the label of a bottle of OJ for the ingredients to make sure it didn’t have any caffeine. At $5.49 it damn well better. The stares I got as I was “that guy” actually reading the nutritional information had me giggle a little bit. I mean. I’ll always eat junk food because life is temporary and we all die someday, yet a small change like that OJ incident has me wondering if I’m making smaller changes as a result of that decision to detox from the caffeine?

Hard to tell really.

I’m just now starting to get a grasp on myself (phrasing) as I think about anything else I’d like to attempt that’d make me healthier. With the short-term fixation being on Pittsburgh’s Art All Night in two weeks; any sort of motivation I do have has been committed to that fantastic event.

However.

I’ve come to accept that pain can be a good motivator for change. And if I do follow-up on something like this caffeine detox I’m looking forward to the sort of pain and discomfort that’d come with it.