Bayyinah Dream to Qalam Seminary
One Year and Going Strong
Sidra Mahmood, Boston, MA
Three weeks ago I received the following message from a dear friend in Philly:
Hey Sidra,
I just landed in Pakistan for my uncle’s funeral and as I walked into the the main lounge, I saw a familiar style of calligraphy on the wall. Went closer and saw your name. Thought I should tell you how far and wide your work and story has spread. He must’ve seen my post back when you started the campaign and bought something without mentioning anything to anyone.
My wonderful uncle was someone with the biggest heart and the most giving person in the world, willing to help anyone in need and even those not in need. He died after battling cancer for 3 years, and I can only imagine how many people in the world must already be praying for him; seeing your work on his wall made me feel like I should tell you this, and ask you to please pray for him and his forgiveness as well.
Your piece by the way hangs in the same room as just two other artworks: one by the legendary Ismail Gulgee and one by his mother, a fine artist. So clearly it was highly appreciated (it’s the lone piece on a large wall as soon as one enters the room).
I was in tears.
The Real Story Behind Dream
Five months after I began the Bayyinah Dream program, I came out with my real story as to why I had chosen to go to Dream with an article on virtualmosque.com, a blog I had always dreamed writing for.
After having worked at Harvard, interned at Johns Hopkins and Duke University, and been published in esteemed medical journals; I was on a path to seek a PhD in cancer research.
Even though I had all these credentials under my name, I lacked peace. Peace that is probably not destined for this world to begin with in its complete form.
And they will say, “Praise to God, who has removed from us [all] sorrow. Indeed, our Master is Forgiving and Appreciative -
He who has settled us in the home of duration out of His bounty. There touches us not in it any fatigue, and there touches us not in it weariness [of mind].”
— Qur’an 35:34–35
And so, I left my career in cancer research. The leap of faith towards God and His Book became easier because there was nothing to lose but everything to gain at that point in life.
The Dream Journey
I told Ustadh Nouman Ali Khan towards the end of Dream that I finally discovered the peace and validation that I was looking for, primarily through my relationship with God’s words in the Quran.
He sarcastically asked me in front of everybody, “You did!?”
And I responded, “Yeeeeees…Ustadh! Alhamdulillah (all thanks and praise to God)!”
Just like any journey in life, Dream was also filled with ups and downs. Ups because of the epiphanies I had about God and Islam through the knowledge I acquired and the friendships I made at Dream. Downs because of constant bouts of depression and the perils and shortcomings of the self that became apparent through introspection in the “(spiritually) pure” environment at Bayyinah.
Before going to Dream, I had not experienced a lifestyle that revolved around being engaged with the Qur’an 24/7. Our Dream routine consisted of studying Arabic and tafsir (exegesis) of the Qur’an from 8:00 am to 4:00 pm, coming home to 2–3 hours of homework structured around the Qur’an and then often sleeping with the Qur’an playing in the background.
On the weekends I challenged myself to reflect on the ayaat (literally signs but generally referred to as verses) of the Qur’an by getting my hands dirty in God’s earth by starting a garden where I grew some of my own vegetables through organic practices.
It was through these combined experiences that I could understand certain nuances of God’s Words that were not apparent to me before my studies at Dream.
The letters and words that I doodled and were so dear to me were finally coming to life.
And this year’s Ramadan was an attestment to it. There was not a single night this Ramadan when I attended taraweeh and did not cry out of sheer humility for being able to understand the words of Qur’an, something I was unable to do for the span of my entire lifetime.
Calligraphy During Dream
When I began Dream, I would steal away time to finish my calligraphy (sometimes even from the front seat!) during class.
I was honored when Ustadh Nouman asked me to do a piece for him which he eventually ended up using as the backdrop for his Amazed by the Qur’an series on YouTube.
In the beginning it was lot easier to work on my calligraphy orders because some of the basics of Dream were familiar to me through my previous studies of Arabic. However, I could not sustain the art as the program started getting more intense.
I realized that by trying to finish my orders I was compromising my studies.
Generous friends and strangers had trusted me with their wealth and I had to honor that trust by doing well at Dream.
So I took a break from my calligraphy and focused on my academics solely.
Graduating Dream
I have never been the kind to discuss my achievements in public. Till this day, even my parents have no idea what my college GPA was!
However, for the sake of transparency that I did alhamdulillah honor the trust that was entrusted to me by donors across the world, below is my Bayyinah Dream transcript:
Despite battling depression and personal setbacks such as my parents struggling as recent immigrants to America, I gave my best to Dream.
Life After Dream
I am headed to the Qalam Seminary program this coming September under the mentorship of Shaykh Abdul Nasir Jangda as originally promised in my Launchgood campaign, God willing.
I hope to devise a sex-education curriculum geared towards Muslim teens through my studies at the Qalam Seminary.
During my studies at Bayyinah, I came across the following narration:
Narrated Jabir bin `Abdullah (may God be pleased with him):
We were with God’s Messenger (peace be upon him) picking the fruits of the ‘Arak trees, and God’s Messenger (peace be upon him) said, “Pick the black fruit, for it is the best.” The companions asked, “Were you a shepherd?” He replied, “There was no prophet who was not a shepherd.”
— Sahih Al-Bukhari Book 60, Hadith 79
I realized that shepherding or farming was crucial to the character building of every prophet.
And so, this summer I have been working at the Forty Acres Farm, an organic farm that supplies pasture-raised zabiha meat to the greater Boston area; in order to fund my education at Qalam.
Your Calligraphy Order(s)
To every single donor who has not yet received their order(s), please accept my sincerest apologies for taking so long to get your pieces to you.
I finish my farm job this week after which I will be working on the remainder of my calligraphy orders full time.
I do intend to finish each and every order.
Only need a little bit more patience from everybody.
I was working part time during Bayyinah and have been able to save some of the donation money which I am hoping to use towards my expenses at Qalam.
However, if anyone is in need of their money back, I can refund the donation(s) minus 8% which was deducted from every order: 3% for credit card processing and 5% towards Launchgood.
Please email me your name and address on sidra.amethyst@gmail.com and I will mail you a check.
Thank YOU for Your Support
We went on a road trip to Austin, TX, for one of Ustadh Nouman’s Story Nights. As I sat in the audience, I was so touched by the opportunity to be amongst my teachers and classmates, and learning the Book of God the way He intended to be understood; that I broke down.
I cried and prayed for each and every individual who supported my Dream.
And those prayers have not stopped. I am indebted to every friend, family member, teacher especially Ustadh Adam Jamal, and stranger who supported my cause and my journey to and beyond Dream.
I pray that every one of you gets to experience the peace and contentment I have been able to experience in life after Dream.
May God bless you with even more. Amen.
Stay in touch with me via Twitter, Facebook, Instagram or through my writings.
