Planners may want to plan to look the other way

If you find yourself getting excited and want to board the bus for the 2016 Planning-Ness Conference — Oh yeah that’s a real thing — well, don’t.

The magic markers have been put away. The whiteboards have been scrubbed clean. And the assemblage of our industry’s best and brightest thinkers/makers/linguistic gymnasts have already disassembled, returning to their respective agencies, ready to semantically torture any junior copywriter or art director within earshot.

The 2016 Planning-Ness Conference, God, I love saying that, was last week.

I could not attend as I was actively engaged in real advertising — writing BOGO ads for a leading maker of eyewear, building traffic for a software distributor and crafting a Summer Sales Event for one of America’s leading automakers.

“Hurry in now cause Summer’s going fast and so are these deals.”

You know, the stuff that keeps the lights on and pays the salary of account coordinators and holding company officers alike.

Selling shit.
Moving merchandise.
Making Skip ads.

I didn’t have time or the inclination to make it to some of the rigorous, informative sessions:

How to Have a Good Day.

How to Design for Happiness.

How to Find your Yoga
(no touching your toes or yoga pants required)

By the way, if you were to check the link, you’d see those were actual forum titles. I’d like to say that I made them up, but I didn’t.

I take a lot of guff for the way I manhandle planners and poke fun at whatever it is they do or purport to do, but the truth is I could never out-mock the self-mockery found within the hallowed halls of the 2016 Planning-Ness Conference — did I mention how much I love saying that?

Lest you think I am alone in my open contempt, you should know, I am not.

I receive emails and texts, almost on a daily basis, from fellow writers and art directors who thank me for my tireless battle with those who would enslave us with their 9 page briefs, indecipherable trapezoids and parallelograms and jargon-fested word salads.

In fact, a hat tip goes out to one of these unnamed copywriters for alerting me to the 2016 Planning-Ness Conference. As well as an equally-amusing Tumblr called Planners Talking Planning.

From there, I give you this amazing navel-gazing video which manages to illustrate everything I’ve been saying for the last 8 years of blogging in just the first minute and 37 seconds.

To be honest I couldn’t, like, you know, like, get past that, you know, like, point:

Perhaps as a counterweight to all this I should reserve a bus and a hold my own seminar next year:

Bullshitting-Ness 2017 — See more at:

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