Goals for 2017

Chukwudi Ogbonnaya
Dec 30, 2016 · 8 min read

First things first, all complaints should go to Dami he knows all the grammar and will answer you properly, i will go into drivel about mundane things and what might follow through will be profanities, the second is if you happen to read this to the end, i know nothing about startups, the ecosystem or people and if the people mentioned therein be gathered in one building, i might be relegated to the corner of the room where the kids eat crayons, no kidding.

Pardon the lack of punctuation's and proper wording, i am not a writer, but if i had a pencil or my wacom tablet, this kids corner might actually start to make some sense. I love first drafts it’s mother nature’s way of letting you know what part of the food chain you fit in.

That be said we shall commence on this cruise through the year 2016, it was the year of the rhetoric, narratives, and other things that i think only affects people in saner climates, if you live in a place where you are still bothered by three square meals, law enforcement, clueless geographical entities, electricity, daily bread and the price of rice by the kilo your 2016 might have been a badly directed Tarantino movie.

2016 kicked people in the balls and that is it, the last time i wrote this it was filled with mundane metaphors and jokes about Japanese knives, rum, zombies and love lost, a bad batch of beers and no sleep was to blame, this time around i will be hopeful, i will write about something different, not that i hate santoku knives now but i have acquired chain-mail, bought a second generator and grown elephant skin, except the great entity known as Lagos comes with arrows then my protection argument and plans will fall apart.

This is about the goals that should be attained in 2017, not new year resolutions and not the creepy ones where you quit smoking, quit being a terrible human being or decided to accept the complete metamorphosis of becoming a silver-back gorilla.. no, but real or in my case weird but important goals named after some of the very interesting people i have encountered this year in most cases not physically but through the next light emitting glass rectangle i happen to be peering into, and the oddly good things i happened to have noticed about them, i might be wrong but it’s my weird opinion and i will stand on this Medium soapbox and say it with all my chest.

I know nothing about startups, most of the words thrown about in that circle confuse me, i don’t know how valuations happen or how to create a “pitch deck” what i know of is the very dangerous amount of hard work that goes into building things, but i am usually in awe of the intelligence, dedication and temerity shown in this neck of the woods, starting anything here is hard if a certain entity is not trying to shaft you the environment will be next in line, knowing that all your money will be spent on diesel and fighting the this entity is the stuff of nightmares, don’t even try to get to the part where you forcefully get permits and pay taxes you will understand that this entity does not play with your money, blood, sweat and tears that belongs to them.

2017 Goals

Brethren and people of Amadioha, appended under this semi drivel are the goals which i feel that might help us in the two thousand and seventeenth year of our lord, as we proceed into this new batch of calendar dates and of course with beer in hand, what follows beneath is my weird way of pointing out things that might help. If i happen to be wrong, refer to the first paragraph.

The Sanusi: Inspired by the legendary Super Sanusi, This goal is to ensure that you have to attain and complete at the barest minimum, the spartan 10k run, be it in Timberland's, barefoot or custom Adidas without even breaking a sweat. We can’t have you reach 1 billion (insert currency) valuation and not be looking like Leonidas, MBA!!!. we need you healthy.

The idea behind this goal is to ensure that the saying “health is wealth” be followed without question and of course on your own terms.

And in the event that uncle Mark from the hinterlands sets foot on our coveted bridge once again, we will have our choice candidates race him to Falomo and still be willing to carry on to cross 3rd mainland.

The Asemota: This is inspired by the great Victor Asemota. This goal is to ensure you gather infinite wisdom, and drop knowledge that other wise old masters and even the Ereat pete Edochie will marvel at.

Attaining the goal and status means that you are the kung-fu master that has defeated all the other white bearded kung-fu masters and claimed their temples to store your infinite knowledge, and mastery of the legendary death in 100 paces technique.

This should adequately prepare you for the perilous times ahead when strange decisions will challenge your faculties and remembering the last words of Pai Mei might help.

The Essien: This very goal, inspired by Mark Essien, is to learn the art of moving in the shadows and knowing when to make the required appearance to inspire, educate and strive to seek the intelligent common folk and give them the much needed opportunities.

A famous old master once said “low frequency high amplitude” rumor has it that a certain Asemota passed through the guy’s temple, a second master once said “Uh, close your eyes you can smell Hov’s the audio equivalent of braille” rumor has it that he is married to Beyonce but we can’t confirm that.

A remarkable and brilliant retooling of our archaic postcode system is actually long overdue and one which i hope the we all contribute to in any capacity we can .

The Taylor: Inspired by Seyi Taylor, leader of cabals and other organizations whom their names shall be whispered in ears. This goal is to ensure that you acquaint yourself with news related to your industry, and the hinterlands and ensure you stay on top of things even before they happen.

Create a precog division if you must, and if your head of precog starts pointing at rams and other domestic farm animals two things happened here, your uber for suya and roasted condiments startup might just be the way or that person interned for a babalawo. You must employ the Asemota in this situation to determine the path to follow.

Occasionally you are allowed to tweet names of musicians, funny stories from a certain news entity denoted by the colour purple and also really nice tunes we have never heard of with your fellow cabalists, of which we the mere mortals will also deem great and be eternally grateful for the gift of discovery and curation.

The Aguntasolo: inspired by the legendary Feyi Fawehinmi, the ability to educate mere mortals on economics and everyday life through insanely beautiful long reads is quite important. This goal is to ensure that you will not let the policies of a said geographical entity give the five fingers of death to your crown jewels, by crown jewels i mean whatever endeavor you find yourself in even if its shaking sticks or pointing at domestic farm animals.

As acquiring the ability to dissect economic policies of the great entity, and constant analysis of the testaments and gospels of uncle Goddy of the bank in the center or even predict the future by even a 99.9% margin of error might help you keep your crown jewels intact, till the geographical entity in question re-positions its death-star.

Knowledge of scriptures and epistles attained by this goal shall be shared amongst the common folk, be it epistles written by the folk who thrive in the geographical entity or in the hinterlands, links to purchase said epistles shall be provided and if our house of coin deems it inappropriate to authorize transfer of coin to purchase these strange gospels, bittorrent is free and Opera browser has free VPN baked in…..

The Njoku: Inspired by Mazi Jason 'Igwe' Njoku, your faculties and muscle here has to be intact. This goal is to ensure that nothing shakes you even if you are faced with Vesuvius raging towards you with an impending fiery death…. you shall master the ability to eat fear with a side of pounded yam, risk with alligator pepper and palm oil and be ready to go back to battle,

This goal is not for the faint of heart, naysayers and complainers, you must be willing to soldier on regardless of what may come. Be it losing the crown jewels or being called a mad person.

We cannot have you at the helm of things when you have not bled for it, when a bigger entity lands on our shores you will step forward and poke that entity in the eye and shout CHINEKE!! Gulp one bottle of harp and march into Battle.

You must also share some insights with charts and numbers into the workings of thine endeavour to enable us understand that magic is not at play here but an intrinsic understanding of the battleground…

The Effiong: Inspired by Editi Effiong. whatever you call people you work with or co-workers be it colleagues, band of brigands or Baratheon’s bastards, this goal is to ensure that you ensure there is general happiness across the land.

The idea is to foster the culture of team spirit, oneness and general well being amongst your fellow compadres and reinforce the belief that divided we fall and together we stand.

The Oviosu: Inspired by Tayo Oviosu, this Goal is to ensure that whatever endeavour you find yourself in, or whatever you decide to build has to be all inclusive and go beyond people in a certain coveted geographical location plagued with incessant seasonal flooding.

Creating the next _____________ that will improve and change the status or livelihoods even by 1%, of the common folk at the other end of the spectrum might help put things on the right path in the long run. But we are plagued by an entity of darkness, and the price of internet is still ridiculous, and our ever-loving geographical entity always has access to a death star and 50 caliber rifle always pointed at its own foot.

The upside is that he who be shall deem himself worthy of accomplishing this goal might be crowned king or might have a death star pointed in their direction by a said entity and for this one our hand no dey, but sha…no forget to buy us beer when the thing sure for you.

In all this drivel i have written, i am probably wrong or might offend some people or you might just understand that the writer has malaria, i assure you that it’s all in good faith my aim is just to inspire and give hope, which happens to be scarce in this neck of the woods.

Thanks for making it to this part and please do have a wonderful 2017


Chukwudi Ogbonnaya

Written by

Graphic Designer, User Interface Designer, Quasi Art Director, & an Avid Beerist

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