My best shot at duplicating amazing copy.

Wherein I break down good copy and attempt to duplicate it for my company Che Mate.

Silas Mahner
Oct 28 · 5 min read

So, this is an exercise I am doing to practice my understanding of copywriting and see if I can duplicate it after breaking it down, suffice to say this might be rough, but your feedback is going to be greatly appreciated.

I found this example of amazing copy and was really in awe, not quite, but I did consider buying their product, well I still am.

First I am going to go through and try my best to put my finger on what makes this so persuasive. Starting with…

Email subject line…

It’s very honest and slightly guilty sounding.
People already know what is coming when they read the subject line.

Opening line.

“There is no easy way to say this” To me sounds like a doctor about to give bad news, but is also another dose of honesty regarding the body of the email.

Lock and load….

What makes this powerful that they talk about what it is, and then continue with something that sounds super impressive as most emails would, but then they use comedy to lighten the mood and basically are honest about the product not really being high powered equipment. Elastic Precision is technically an oxymoron. How can something be elastic and precise? 😂

The point is, it is riddled with, well-thought-out comedy. That might get overlooked at a quick glance.

The second paragraph.

Actually only two sentences. 😆 It is part of their style to have these long run-on sentences. They explain what it is made of but also make it sound like a travesty that we don’t already have one.

But we’re learning, friends. We are learning.

This basically acts as a transition between information on what it is, to the call. The call to action. They ask the customer to help them learn, by getting on the site and ordering one.

They don’t dwell on it but they do mention that they only have 6 to choose from, and then say they can customize their design.

Think of the possibilities.

They get right into the idea of how fulfilling it would be to have one of these and some of the imaginable uses for it.

They end it with a tone that sounds like someone walking off asking an open-ended question as if it is a meme-commercial.

The footer banner.

All topped off with the price in a shop now box at the end that says the price range. It is such a smooth transition.

To me, the formula is something like this.

  • Honest/comic subject line to get the email opened.
  • Explain what the email is about in one line, so they know what they are about to read.
  • A comic and honest description of the product that self-admits to just being another product, rather than pretending it is the best invention since sliced bread.
  • State the quality of the product using comedy.
  • Admittance to being imperfect and asking the reader to help them improve.
  • Present the benefits of having this product, using detailed examples, that are ALSO comedic.
  • End the body of the email and just assume they have already decided to get your product.
  • Follow by a ‘purchase’ banner, which also lets you know what to expect regarding price.

That’s the best I got. Now let me see if I can reproduce an email similar to this one for my company.

SUBJECT: Warning: This email wants you to become a hipster by drinking tea…

We feel it is our duty to be honest with you…

We want you to drink our tea, and become a hipster, or just stay the same, as long as you drink our tea…

Become a hipster overnight with Che Mate, [chay mah-tay]. Che’s HQ is in Wausau Wisconsin and imports the highest quality Yerba supplies packages them and delivers then by horseback to your doorstep, wait no, we actually switched over to USPS system a while back.

If you have always wanted to be a hipster, now is your chance. Becoming a member of the Che Mate Circle will teach you all you need to know about Yerba Mate, making you so cultured your friends will sit in awe as you teach them the ways of the yerba, actually they might just get annoyed with you, especially after you grow a beard, start wearing scarves, and listening to Vampire Weekend.

We are always looking for new victims that will help us improve our process…

If you want to be a victim of a slightly boring website, many calls/texts from the CEO to make sure you’re satisfied, jump right in, the waters fine — well it’s actually supposed to be 100 degrees celsius.

We only have 3 products so it won’t be like going to the fancy restaurant in town that serves super small portions, on what looks like rusty pieces of scrap metal.


-In a few days, you could be that guy at Starbucks who asks for a Double-cupped-venti-hot-water. (oh wait that’s me)

-At least you could be sitting with your family sharing this beverage hot or cold with some Argentine music in the back round.

-You might even purchase one of those North Face Vests to really play the part.

-No matter what, you would be part of the Che Mate family and would share some peaceful moments with the people you care about.

Anyways the possibilities are endless, but nothing will happen until you join the circle, while you're doing that I need to go find my marketing guy so we don’t have another email like this.

Team Che.

~Join The Circle

Silas Mahner

Written by

A young Catholic Entrepreneur, and Businessman aspiring to create value for others, especially other Catholic businesspeople.

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