If you’re not deriving satisfaction from one partner anymore, why is adding more partners to the mix going to help?
Because you got used to your partner and people are generally not monogamous animals, so they miss the novelty and variety. When you’re with someone for a long time, you lose perspective because you have no point of reference. When you add more partners, you have renewed sexual interest, this is called the Coolidge effect. Many people who cheated during their long-term relationships said that the colors were brighter, the food tasted better and they started having better sex.
In all those dumb movie scenes when guys cheated and then “realized” that they actually love their wife and felt really sorry, they didn’t realize shit, they simply got what they wanted and felt sorry because they hurt their partner, not because of the act itself. These things all fell into place for me once I started seriously learning about non-monogamy.
You’re generalising. I didn’t pull this statement out of thin air.
Yes, I’m generalizing and I believe I’m right. Generalizing is only wrong if your sample isn’t representative. I do believe monogamous relationships tend to fall apart after cheating takes place (hopefully that’s changing lately).
I’ve seen one successful polyamorous relationship
It’s hard to measure success of a relationship and determine the cause of a breakup, especially when you’re not a participant. Because you find polyamory gross, I’m not sure if you’re objective about the success rate of polyamory that you perceived. So I’d just leave this one be, because it’s a whole other topic.
If you don’t see that, maybe you haven’t evaluated your partner(s) feelings well enough, or maybe you’ve just completely divorced sex from emotion. Neither are sustainable in the long term.
If there’s anything I’ve learned from non-monogamy, it’s communication. I know exactly how my partner feels about our relationship and you claiming to know better is an excellent illustration of how obtrusive and controlling our culture is about relationships.
(…) which might explain why your monogamous relationships are breaking down as well.
First of all, everyone’s monogamous relationships are breaking down, until one doesn’t. But I stand by what I said, I think polyamory plays a lot more on your insecurities and forces you to deal with some parts of yourself which you wouldn’t have to deal with in a monogamous relationship. And I’m not even a jealous person (the culture obviously forgot to give me some when I was growing up), I can only imagine how hard it is to deal with that as well!