As you may have noticed, women usually don’t go around actively approaching men in public places or even in bars or clubs. This is partly thanks to a patriarchal history that dictates men “should” approach woman and win them over, as if women are either some goal to be pursued or a reward for men’s good efforts (hint: they’re neither)
How Not to Talk to a Woman Who is Wearing Headphones
Faruk Ateş

In my opinion this is the part that needs clarifying. I believe it’s the culprit of many hateful Twitter conversations.

Disclaimer: this is not personal at all, I feel uncomfortable approaching complete strangers anyway. I only meet women as friends of friends, or if we’re in a class together or something like that (I guess they are still strangers, though, but at least there is some kind of a filter).

Yes, it’s ridiculous that only men are allowed to approach women, this rule is heteronormative and sexist, I wish we weren’t taught that. But the highlighted statement has layers and different people would agree with it to different degrees. Many women say that they prefer men approaching women, otherwise it’s not “masculine” (which I condemn), but they don’t subscribe to that other crap about women being rewards etc. It’s not an all-or-nothing situation.

It’s just a little confusing when some women prefer being pursued and other women shout in uppercase that they don’t want to be approached ever. I will, of course, listen to the uppercase letters, but I’m trying to figure out how meeting anyone would work; so the idea is that we stop doing that altogether until everything cools off, so that women can start approaching us when they want to? If it was like that, my circle of friends would be very limited.

And lastly, why would approaching women we find interesting mean that we believe that they are in this world for our entertainment and reward for our good behavior? Casually throwing the Nice Guy™️ syndrome into the mix seems uncalled for. Why wouldn’t the reason be that we simply find them interesting (the same reason why women approach men)? I’m not sure if accusing the whole gender of being entitled is helpful.

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